


The Past Always Catches Up

by MackenzieC



Category: Marvel Cinematic Universe, The Avengers (Marvel Movies)
Genre: Bucky Barnes Angst, F/M, Parent Bucky Barnes, Work In Progress
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2020-01-25
Updated: 2020-05-28
Packaged: 2021-02-27 15:02:20
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 29
Words: 90,495
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/22409149
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/MackenzieC/pseuds/MackenzieC
Summary: Bucky Barnes is trying to rebuild his life but what will he do when he’s faced with the past catching up with him in the form of a teenager daughter he has to try to parent. Will he learn to love again, and be the parent he never thought he would be?This is set in a universe post Captain America Civil War in which Tony and Steve have reconciled and Bucky is now a member of the Avenger team. Infinity War and Endgame didn't happen.
Relationships: James "Bucky" Barnes/Original Female Character(s), James "Bucky" Barnes/Reader
Comments: 30
Kudos: 79





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> This is posted on my tumblr- @wintersoldierissucharide

The day started like everyday, with his alarm bleating out at 5am. Groaning he reached out his right hand and picked up his phone silencing the alarm immediately, absolutely no snoozing here. Leaning his head in to his pillows further he took a deep breath and threw his legs out of the bed with his feet hitting the floor with a thud. His routine was a simple one, 5am wake up and work out till 7am then start the day properly being an avenger. Walking over to his drawers he grabbed a t-shirt and shorts and headed down to the gym to meet Sam and Steve. James Buchanan Barnes had a relatively normal life, or as normal as it could be.

As he walked to the gym the previous months played in his mind, and how he could not believe this was his life, his routine.

After his rehabilitation stint in Wakanda, and the public reconciliation of Tony Stark and Steve Rogers he had been welcomed in to the world as the newest Avenger. Before he could be part of the Avengers he had to appear before a public UN hearing, where evidence was given about how Hydra had brainwashed and used the Winter Soldier to carry out their deadliest attacks for decades. That during rehabilitation he was no longer under the spell of Hydra and should be allowed the freedom to live his life. The public hearing agreed that Bucky had no control over his actions and that he would be given a probation sentence, and closely monitored by Fury and S.H.I.E.L.D. If there were anything to indicate that the Winter Soldier was still active that he would find himself in the same cell currently holding Zemo without trial for the safety of the world. Steve had put his reputation on the line and vowed to all that Bucky would be an asset to the Avengers and the world. It also helped that they all signed the Sokovia Accord with adjustments allowing more freedom in the choices of activities of the Avengers.

As he entered the gym he could only see Sam, and he was already stretching.

“Morning. No sign of Rogers yet?” Bucky asked me a sly smile towards Sam. One of the hardest parts of being friends with Captain America is the dedication he puts in to his time keeping so taking joy in the simple things like Captain America being late.

“He got called in to see Fury” Sam replied while hitting start on the treadmill.

“I am sure Fury doesn’t sleep. It’s 5am” Bucky replied heading over to the weights and began his work out.

Two hours later, and frustration released Bucky and Sam headed to the kitchen for some much needed fuel. Steve had never made it to the gym, so it was a surprise that he was not in the kitchen as his daily schedule should suggest. Opening the fridge Sam turned to Bucky and handed him ingredients for breakfast

“Fury calling him in so early, and he’s still in a briefing. Perhaps we should prepare for a mission” Bucky nodded in agreement as he began to chop the vegetables.

They ate in silence, contemplating what this possible mission could be. It has been quiet for the Avengers in recent weeks, and paperwork had taken over their lives. It was not all about the smash and grab, it was a lot more paperwork and solo recon missions recently. Bucky could not complain as he quite enjoyed having an office, with a desk where he could quietly work. He had spent 70 years with his body being a weapon so sitting behind a desk reviewing surveillance was a welcome change. He was kept on desk duty since joining the team and was slowly building relationships with each of them. Still shy around most of them he felt comfortable with Steve, obviously and he enjoyed the friendship he was forming with Sam. Natasha had quietly given him the most support, given that she came in after being an assassin turned good guy. She knew what he had been through to some extent, and had met the Winter Soldier many times, however as she had never met Bucky so she decided to keep this to herself.

“Sergeant Barnes report to Fury” F.R.I.D.A.Y called out breaking the silence. Sam chuckled and as Bucky left the room he distinctly heard “Ha! You’re IT”.

Reaching the door he knocked and waited to hear “Enter” and when it came he instantly stepped in, noticing that Steve was still here with Fury. Steve had a face like thunder, and his frown was so intense Bucky’s body froze. _Thoughts running through his head there is no way Winter has been let out. I haven’t broken probation, I know I haven’t. I have been behind that desk as promised_.

Trying to read Steve’s face as Fury spoke “we have a situation Barnes” bringing Bucky’s attention to Fury’s face. Fury had one of those faces that was impossible to read. Steve stayed stoically silent, but Bucky could hear Steve’s racing heartbeat like clanging in his head. _Shit. I am in trouble_.

Fury picked up a photo from his desk and handed it to Bucky. It was a photo of an interrogation room with a teenage girl no older than 16 sitting at the table. She wearing a cap but her dark brown hair still visible. She’s wearing black jeans, black hoody and is sitting with her feet up on the table reading a book. She clearly did not seem to care about her surroundings.

“What is this” Bucky looks at Fury and Steve with confusion. A teenage girl? What situation could this girl have caused for Steve to look so angry. Fury looked to Steve, and Steve let out a sigh.

“Well according to her she’s your daughter Buck”

_Shit._


	2. Chapter 2

She sat in the windowless room aware of the light flickering above her as she continued to read her favourite book. Turning the worn pages of The Lord of the Rings, she let out a frustrated sigh. She was not sure how long she had been the room, she guessed that was part of the design of the space. The bare walls, and lack of any daylight it was obvious to her that she was being held in an interrogation space, which seemed a little too much for a 15 year old girl but who was she to question the actions of S.H.I.E.L.D or the Avengers. Folding down the corner of her page as a marker she looked around the space, trying to see where the camera were hidden, so that perhaps she could try to get the attention of who ever was watching, because she knew someone was definitely watching. Sliding her boots off the table she stood up in an attempt to stretch her body as she had become too comfortable reading and now was stiff and sore. As she stood up the door behind her opened and in walked the one and only Captain America, Steve Rogers. He was taller than she had imagined he would be and much wider. He closed the door behind him and signalled for her to sit back down. He walked over and took the other vacant chair, sizing her up.

“So, I am told you that you are claiming to be biologically related to James Barnes” Steve spoke direct to the point. She looked at him, and could sense he didn’t believe her, or the crazy story she had told the receptionist at the Stark offices.

Rolling her eyes she replied “allegedly”

She folded her arms and leant back in her chair. She didn’t care what he thought, she didn’t even want to be here but yet here she is. She reached out for her book, and opened it at the most recent point and began to read again. She had no interest in what he had to say to her, it was clear from the moment she had been brought in to this room that they had no interest in believing her.

Steve coughed to get her attention, he couldn’t believe how little notice she was paying. It was not every day a teenage girl doesn’t at least stare at Captain America, he was an Avenger and she was treating this as if she was in meeting with a principal rather than the captain of the Avengers.

Looking up she noticed him staring at her with disbelief.

“What” she sassed back at the staring Captain. She huffed at him and reached in to her pocket. She pulled out an envelope and slid it toward the Captain without even looking up from her book, she had just reached Helms Deep and was not about to stop reading now.

When he had received the call from Pepper about the girl who had appeared at the desk of Stark Industries in New York claiming to be the child of James Barnes. Steve had travelled over immediately to New York to investigate without saying a word to any of the other members of the team, he didn’t even tell Fury. Swearing Pepper to secrecy they had transferred her to a secure location within the tower and asked her to wait until Steve could get here.

Picking up the envelope Steve noticed it was addressed to _Winter_. He opened the letter and began to read, knowing this was not addressed to him he felt he had to do something to protect Bucky from some chancing kid and mother.

_Dear Winter,_

_I don’t know where to begin. I know it has been 15 years without contact, I honest to God thought you were dead. I didn’t even know your name until I saw your face on the TV_.

_This is your daughter. The result of the fleeting time we had together 15 years ago. I need a break Winter, so I did the first 15 alone, now she is your responsibility_.

_Please, just for a month. I need a break._

_She knows how to reach me if you can’t or won’t and if you can’t or won’t then do me one last favour please lie to her. Tell her it’s not safe or whatever lie you want to make up just don’t reject her to her face._

_I don’t want contact from you. I have moved on and rebuilt my life. I am not looking for anything from you but she might want to get to know you._

_Take care of her,_

_Y/N_

Steve put the note down and looked at her. She had the cap pulled down over her face but the resemblance was uncanny. Looking at the surly teenage girl sitting before him he recognised the same surly look he had seen on Bucky numerous times. Leaning back in the chair Steve thought about the next steps, first he needed to call Fury before he did anything. If this letter was real, and this girl was in fact the daughter of Bucky and this random woman what did this mean for his recovery. Bucky was only just getting his life back and this is exactly the type of event that could derail his progress.

Steve pulled out his phone and scrolled through his contacts till he reached Fury. “Excuse me” he said standing up and leaving the room with the letter, the girl barely lifting her head. He hit call and waited for the anger that was going to be on the other end of the line.

“Rogers” Fury answered in an instant.

“We have a situation in New York Sir. It appears that Sergeant Barnes may have a daughter” Steve calmly stated, he felt anything but calm with those words leaving his lips.

“You had better be joking Rogers” Fury snapped back immediately.

“‘Fraid not Sir. I have just spoken with her, and she has a letter from her Mother asking for her to stay” Steve reported back.

“Where are you now” Fury asked with a calmness that caused Steve to tense.

“Stark tower.” Steve replied as a matter of fact.

“Stay there I am on my way”

“Fury” Steve said softly, with concern of what Fury could do next.

“What Rogers” he snapped back, hearing the frustration behind Fury’s attempts to stay calm.

“She looks like him” he replied softly and he heard the phone go dead as Fury hung up. He was not know for his emotional connections. Steve sighed and entered the room again, noticing her feet were now back on the table. She was so engrossed in her book that she didn’t even look up as he sat back down at the table. He placed his hands on the table and leaned in.

“Hey, sorry about that. My name is Steve, what’s yours”

She closed the book, keeping a finger in the page she had been reading, and looked up at him.

She took a deep breath and replied “Natalia Stephanie Winter” and opening her book she went back to reading


	3. Chapter 3

Bucky stared at the photo with thoughts running through his mind a mile a minute. _Daughter? How is this possible?_ This is not physically possible. He looked at the young girl in the photo and began to study her, trying to take in the words uttered by Steve moments ago. He could tell she was tall, or at least her legs were long as her feet were up on the table. She had brown hair, and pale skin from what he could tell in the grainy photo. Perhaps Stark needs to update the cameras in the interrogation rooms.

_She’s in an interrogation room? H_ e thought to himself.

“So here how this is going to work” Fury broke the silence and Bucky became aware of Fury and Steve staring at him. Bucky was unable to process the words being used as Fury explained their next steps and he looked to Steve “What is this. Why is she in an interrogation room?” he whispered. Steve’s heart was breaking seeing the pain and confusion on Bucky’s face as he tried to process this. Bucky looked back at the photo, and then back to Steve waiting for an explanation, this had to be some form of practical joke. There was absolutely no way it was possible that he we could have a child, he would have known about. He had no recollection of being with anyone since the 40’s so this had to be some form of a mistake.

Steve took a step towards him as he softly said “buck”. Responding to his name he looked at Steve with a pleading look in his eyes, begging Steve to burst out laughing and shout “ha! No, she’s actually some Avengers fan girl. Had you going for a second” as he would jovially punch his shoulder, but that didn’t happen. Instead Steve placed his hand gently on his shoulder and said “she’s your daughter, the blood tests confirmed it” Bucky took a step back, and the back of his legs hit the chair with his body collapsing in to it. Bucky dropped the photo, and his head fell in to his hands with his mind racing with questions.

_How can this be possible? What did the Winter Soldier do?_ Bucky had learnt to separate the actions of the Winter Soldier and Bucky, they were two people. He was not the Winter Solider anymore, as much as the Winter Soldier was not James Buchanan Barnes.

Without coherent thought he heard words coming from his mouth before he could stop them “How long have you know” he directed at Steve ignoring Fury standing at his desk in his classic tired of this shit pose, one hand on the hip and the other on the desk leaning on to it.

“Two weeks” Fury broke the silence and Bucky’s head snapped up to stare at him with anger in his eyes. Two weeks. How could he have kept this from him. They were brothers in arms. They didn’t keep secrets.

“So he didn’t know” Fury directs at Steve with the two of them exchanging looks confirming their concern that Bucky had tried to hid this from them and S.H.I.E.L.D. “ Fury” Steve pleaded with him, it was noticeable to Steve that Bucky was holding in by a thread and this was not the time for Fury to be snarky.

“Sergeant Barnes, we need to talk about next steps” Fury said relaxing his stance and using a slightly softer tone, and after Bucky nodded to show he was listening Fury continued.

“She has been with Pepper in New York while we have been investigating who she is, and running tests to confirm her story. She won’t give us the name of her mother, apparently she wants nothing to do with the Avengers. She wants your daughter to have the option of getting to know you. The press coverage from the last few months has allowed her to find you”

Fury and Steve had agreed to keep the letter from Y/N a secret as they didn’t know what this could trigger in Bucky and the fear that the Winter Soldier could reappear was real for Steve. He wanted to ensure that Bucky was safe, and that Winter would never return. The letter could bring memories back that for everyone’s safety it was best not to show him. They did not know the circumstances other than it seemed that there had been a relationship.

“First question, is” Fury paused looking at the super soldier sitting in front of him, head in his hands with his shoulders tensed. “Do you want to be involved in her life?”

Everything happened in a flash. Bucky was on his feet and shot towards Fury and leaning across the desk to get as close to his face. They were almost nose to nose, Steve shot forward to get between them but before he could act Bucky spat back “what kind of question is that, of course I fucking do”

Steve placed his hand on Bucky’s chest between the two bodies and slowly pulled Bucky back from the table, amazed that Fury let Bucky get so close. Bucky relaxed instantly feeling the reassuring touch of his oldest friend.

“Bucky, he had to ask. That is why she is in New York and not here right now. You need the option, this is a big shock for us all” Steve calmly stated, making eye contact hoping that the unspoken words to him.

“No shit Steve” Bucky spat back. “You have had two weeks to process this, I have had two minutes.” Stepping back from Steve, his arm dropping from Bucky’s chest in the movement, surprising them both.

“I will arrange for her transfer to the compound, and Steve will handle the rest. She will have living quarters on the same floor as you two and Sam. I will arrange for all of the access protocols. Steve all clear?” Fury ordered, and it was a clear dismissal of both of them from the office. Bucky noticed the photo on the floor, and picked it up folding it up and putting it in his pocket.

As the two super soldiers left the room and the door closed behind them Bucky turned to Steve and as quiet as a whisper said “I don’t even know her name”

Steve placed an arm around him and smiled. “Her name is Natalia, Natty for short”

Bucky turned to Steve, accepting the arm and threw himself in to Steve’s body and began to sob.


	4. Chapter 4

F.R.I.D.A.Y had announced that all members were to report to the conference for an emergency meeting. Bucky sat alone at the table in the room waiting for the collection of heroes to find their way to the meeting. He placed his heads in his hands, thinking about the last hour. Steve had given him the option of waiting to tell the team, give him more time to take in the information before it became public knowledge. Bucky knew this was always going to be difficult so why wait. After the meeting with Fury, Steve had managed to support Bucky to the conference room where he held Bucky as he cried. It was a release of tension, of the pain he felt knowing there were huge gaps in his memory and life, of the idea a child had lived in this world without his knowledge and the fear the Winter Soldier done yet another unforgivable thing. When Bucky had cried all the tears he was able to Steve had asked how he wanted to tell the team.

“Can you do it?” He quietly sobbed, looking to Steve, his protector.

“Of course” he replied placing his hand on his chest. Steve had learnt with Bucky that this was a calming action which eased him.

So here he was, waiting for the team to assemble. Natasha and Wanda were on a mission, Thor was off somewhere, potentially Asgard, it was unclear as he wasn’t so good at keeping in contact when not on Earth. This left Tony, Sam, Vision and Clint to appear. Bucky lifted his head as he heard the door open, he looked up to see the team enter with Steve.

“Sergeant Barnes, you look terrible” Vision said as he entered. Bucky did look terrible, his face red and blotchy from crying, his eyes blood shot.

“Fallen out with Steve?” Sam chuckled looking to Steve who shot him death stare and slowly shook his head without words telling Sam this was not the time for joking.

“Jeez, who died?” Tony asked as they all took their seats. Steve stood at the top of the table and looked to Bucky, “you ready?” He asked for confirmation before continuing. Bucky nodded and Steve faced the team.

“Team. Bucky has had some news, which you all need to know” Steve started but before he could continue Tony interrupted “broke probation already? Surprise surprise” with a hint of distain on his lips. Their relationship was civil at best

“No.” Steve replied sharply and continued. “The Winter Soldier fathered a child. That child will now be coming to live with us”

The noise from the team was deafening to Bucky. They all started at once

“What the actual fuck”

“How is that even possible”

“How do we know”

“Where is her mother”

“Steve. No, this is not ok”

It was Vision’s voice who calmly stated last “this is excellent news”

Bucky looked to the team, and was aware that everyone was looking at him. He turned to Steve pleading him to continue.

“Whether possible or not here we are. Her name is Natty and Pepper is bringing her in from New York now”

Tony turned to Steve “you involved Pepper in this? She’s in New York to be away from all of this” he gestured wildly indicating all of this being the Avengers.

“Natty has been living with her for the last two weeks Tony”

The realisation on his face as “oh. I have met her already, the surly teenage girl? Pepper told me she was a friend of Parker’s who needed somewhere to stay while her parents are on vacation” Tony grows to comprehend that his wife had lied to him.

Bucky stood up and shouted at Steve “did you all know?!. Did you all get to meet her?!. See her and talk to her and not tell me. I can’t”

With that he stormed out of the room.

Natty sat in the back of the car with Pepper, trying desperately to concentrate on her book but after she read the same page three times she decided that enough was enough and she could no longer try to pay attention.

“Nervous?” Pepper asked softly. Natty turned to her, and didn’t know how to reply. Pepper had been so kind to her over the two weeks, and had looked after her while she was aware the avengers were desperately trying to work out what to do with her. She hadn’t know who her father was for the entirety of her life. Her mother wouldn’t talk about it and just shut down any attempt of questioning.

“A bit” she replied. She wanted to be strong and not show any emotion, she wanted not to care not that was not as easy as she had once thought.

“We are almost here” Pepper said checking her phone and seeing Tony’s name flashing up.

“I am sorry, I have to take this” she said before answering me call. “Hi Tony, we are about 10 minutes away, no, no and yes. I can’t and I won’t. No. We’ll see”

Putting her phone back in her lap, she turned to Natty and looked at her with kindness in her eyes. Natty looked to her left and began to take in the scenery, they were driving past fields and trees, the surprising greenery from the bleak concrete contrast from New York. Before she knew it the car began to slow as they entered the gated compound, it was vast. There were many large buildings, one of which she assumed is at least an hanger. The car stopped in front of a five storey building with glass frontage, which she thought to herself is a mistake given how many attempts on the avengers lives they must have to deal with.

“Ready” Pepper said, gently reaching out and squeezing her hand. “I guess” Natty replied as a whisper.

As she got out of the car she could see Steve standing at the bottom of the steps which lead up to the front door.

“Hi Pepper, Hi Natalia” Steve said greeting them both, and hugging Pepper. Looking to Natty she rolled her eyes, scoffed and said “it’s Natty.”

Bucky watched from the conference room window as the teenager exited the car, she was still dressed with a hoody and jeans but had removed her cap. She had dark brown long hair that had a wave to it, a wave that reminded him of his own unmanageable hair. He watched as words were exchanged with steve

He watched as words were exchanged between Steve and Pepper. He willed them to look up to see him looking but they didn’t. He walked away from the window and tried to pick a chair to sit in, which one would give the right impression? Should he sit at the head, or does that look arrogant, in the middle but if she chose to sit opposite him that could be confrontational, the chair nearest the door? Would that look too eager? He cursed his anxiety for the thoughts currently running his mind, he couldn’t keep still. He walked over to the corner of the room where there was a coffee pot and made himself a drink, he could try and relax with a coffee surely. He had been the Winter Soldier, he didn’t know the meaning of the word nervous but Bucky was no longer than person and anxiety ran through his veins.

Hearing Steve’s voice coming down the corridor he knew this was it. He could feel his heartbeat in his throat, terrified of what was about to happen. He hasn’t chosen what chair to sit in, and now there was no time to so he decided to stand at the window looking as relaxed as he could.

The door opened and they stepped in and the first thing Natty saw was a broad man, with a man bun with his hand on his hip looking like he had a pain in his side. Her first thought was “this guy?” And mentally scoffed. He studied her, her pale skin and striking blue eyes. She looked so like him it was uncanny, he didn’t need a blood test to know she was his daughter. She had an expressive face, and he couldn’t help but stare at her, she was beautiful. In that moment he felt a connection like he had never felt before. She was his family, his connection to a real world and one that didn’t involve him being an human weapon.

“Bucky, this is Natty” Steve said, eyes wide at Bucky trying to mentally pass on that his stance was unsettling. Bucky stood up straight, and walked towards her stopping two feet in front of her.

“I don’t know what is customary, in this situation. Hi Natty, I am Bucky” he said awkwardly putting out his hand to shake hers. She didn’t take it, she wouldn’t even look at him and she kept her eyes trained on Steve. His hand stayed there for an uncomfortable second and turning to face Bucky she said “my name is Natalia to you”

Bucky’s hand dropped immediately and he looked to Steve, with confusion.

Looking to Steve, Natty asked “so where am I sleeping?”

Not sure of what to do in this situation Steve turned to Bucky and smiled trying to reassure him.

“You’re staying on the same floor as me and your fa…I mean Bucky” he signalled over to Bucky who was now seated at the table trying to process the fact she wouldn’t even look at him. “We can show you if you’d like. Bucky could give you the tour as well? We thought we would have a family dinner tonight so you can meet everyone”

Natty took in a deep breathe, the passive aggressive kind and exhaled. She rolled her eyes at the entire situation and said “fine. He cane come along but I would prefer if you gave me the tour Steve”

With every word from her mouth Steve could sense Bucky sitting behind him struggling to keep control of the situation. Steve has spent a lot of time with Natty on the last two weeks and she obviously felt comfortable around him, but her apprehensive behaviour towards Bucky was concerning, for them both as they all needed stability.

“That’s fine Natalia” Bucky said quietly. “Steve can show you to your room and give you the tour” he stood up and placed his hand on Steve’s shoulder “I’ll be in the gym” he directed at Steve and then turned to his daughter “Natalia, I will see you at dinner” and with that he left the room holding back the tears. Steve turned to Natty, picked up her bag and led her out of the room to her new living quarters.


	5. Chapter 5

Natasha and Wanda had returned later than expected and were already late to the family dinner. Walking in to the dining room Natasha began “Sorry we’re late…” but the rest of her sentence died in her throat as she took in the scene before her. There was shouting from two corners of the room with food everywhere, including on the walls. Looking to her left she saw Steve standing in front of Bucky, who was covered head to toe in tomato sauce and spaghetti, and looking to her left was Tony aiming his Iron Man hand ready to fire at them with a teenage girl behind him. Sam, Clint and Vision stood out of the way, the table on its side. The six men turned to the door to see Natasha and Wanda staring at the scene of carnage. Before they could speak Natasha shouted “What the hell is going on here?” with two simultaneous replies of came at the same time “it’s his fault” coming from Bucky and Tony.

An hour earlier.

Bucky heard a knock at his door, and shouted “Come in” as he finished drying his hair with a towel. He had spent a few hours in the gym with Sam and this had helped how he was feeling. Sam asking constant questions hadn’t helped so much.

“You ready for dinner?” Steve asked as he stood in the door way. “I made spaghetti” he continued as Bucky brushed his hair in to a bun. “How did the tour go? Did she say anything about me?” Bucky asked, trying to be nonchalant but failing miserably. Steve stretched and rubbed the back of his neck trying to buy himself time.

“I don’t know what to tell you Bucky, she barely said a word to me as I was giving her the tour. She asked about what the deal was with food, I showed her the kitchen and told her to ask F.R.I.D.A.Y to order anything specific she wanted.” he trailed off, looking at Bucky trying to say the words that were unspoken. Bucky opened his mouth to reply but before he could Steve interjected “It’s a big adjustment Buck, she was cautious when she met me.” He laughed “Well no, actually she looked like she was going to fight me or just looked largely indifferent to the fact Captain America was sitting in front of her”

Bucky checked his reflection in the mirror before turning to the door “Let’s hope she isn’t largely indifferent to me.” he said before opening it. Steve looked at him with pity in his eyes, because truth be told he didn’t know how this was going to go. All he knew was that everyone needed time to adjust.

Natty lay on her bed taking in her new surroundings. The bedroom was huge, bigger than the flat she and you had shared in London, Clearly this wasn’t London where everything was tiny and cost a fortune. The room had a desk, a walk in closet, and a bathroom which was the fanciest one she had ever seen. Steve had explained that everyone had similar rooms but she was allowed to decorate it however she wanted, and if she needed help she could ask him or Bucky. He’d also went over how although they had their own spaces they tried to use the communal kitchen and living spaces as they were a family. They ate and relaxed together but her space was hers and she should see it as her sanctuary. He gave her the layout; his room was opposite her’s with Bucky’s to the right, the others were above them and then Tony had the entire top floor. He then explained how F.R.I.D.A.Y worked, the office spaces downstairs and the emergency procedures, which for her where to lock herself in her room and then he or Bucky would be straight in. She didn’t ask the one question she had wanted to, what if Bucky was the emergency?

She unpacked her one suitcase which consisted of black jeans, black t-shirts and two hoody’s, obviously in black. Her most prized possessions were placed on her desk, a number of books that she had read and reread hundreds of times. Pulling out her phone and looked at the number of read but not replied to messages from you.

Darling, did you get there safely?

How was your flight?

Natalia, can you at least let me know you’re safe

Natty. Natty please.

Please understand why you’re there. It’s important.

Natalia Stephanie Winter you will answer me now.

She typed a reply.

Yes mom I am safe. I met him today.

She turned her phone off and decided to have a bath before the family dinner.

Lying on her bed reading Lord of The Rings she waited for Steve to come and get her for dinner, this had been their parting agreement that he would call in on her. The knock on the door was a powerful one, and she placed the book down and took a deep breath. Here we go she thought to herself.

Opening the door she was greeted with a smiling Steve, and surly looking Bucky, hidden slightly behind him.

“Ready?” Steve asked. “I guess” was her reply as she left the room, closing the door behind her.

The three of them walked in an uncomfortable silence until Bucky broke it asking Natty “Is your room ok for you?” She rolled her eyes at the question and without looking at him replied “Yea it’s fine”. Which was a lie, it was more than fine. When she discovered the tv and that it had access to every tv show or movie ever made, she had already begun planning how she was going to fill her time in this place. She walked side by side with Steve, feeling awkward even standing near Bucky. She had spent the days following finding out about who her father was by reading everything she could about him on the internet and from everything she had read she knew she didn’t want to know him. He was an assassin and she couldn’t understand why her mother would put her in harms way. The only reason she was here was that she had no where else to go.

“Oh good.” He replied after a pause, looking to Steve for help. The silence became worse in the elevator, Steve gave in to the pleading of Bucky’s eyes and asked “Do you like spaghetti.? I made spaghetti”. She only nodded as the doors opened. It was like getting blood from a stone talking to her. Bucky and Steve exchanged looks, this was going to be a difficult meal if not next few weeks.

When they arrived in the dining room the family was already assembled, and waiting for her to arrive. Natty took an empty seat next to Tony, with Bucky sitting opposite her and Steve took the other head of the table seat opposite Tony. Sam and Clint were to her left, and Vision sat next to Bucky and the two empty seats.

“Everyone, this is…” Steve started and turned to Natty and paused to let her introduce herself. “Natty is fine” she said but looked at Bucky and said “Natalia” just making sure he knew that he was not to call her Natty.

There was a chorus of “Hi Natty” and they individually went round the table and introduced themselves, but of course they were the Avengers, she knew who they all were. She blushed when Sam introduced himself to her, she definitely like Falcon the best.

As Steve began to serve the dinner Tony leant over to her and said “Surreal right? I should have guessed you were Barnes’ kid when I met you last week, but Pep is s good liar”. Natty hated it. She didn’t want to be told she looked like him, that she had anything to do with him, it made her feel sick.

“I wouldn’t say I look like him at all. I still don’t believe it” she said loading her fork up and shoving food in to her mouth, she was hungrier then she had realised, Tony chuckled and replied “I’ve seen the blood test results, you’re his alright”

She was seething. She didn’t want to be in the room with him or to be reminded that she and he were flesh and blood. She flinched when he would look at her, and she could sense that his eyes were always on her.

“Blood means nothing” she snapped back and turned to Sam who had heard some of the exchange and decided not to get involved.

“So Natty, what do you enjoy doing?” Clint asked, it was clear he was trying to defuse the tension that hung in the room. Bucky and Steve had heard the conversation and Bucky sat quietly and moved the food around the plate, not wanting to look up.

“I like reading” she said taking another mouthful. “Steve this is really good” she said her mouth still full. He smiled and thanked her for her kind words before looking to Bucky, who was getting smaller and smaller sitting at the table, which was an incredible feat given his sheer size.

“What kind of books? Whatever you want. Just ask F.R.I.D.A.Y and it will be given” Tony said.

“My favourite is Lord of the Rings, but I like all kinds of fantasy” she said. The conversation lulled and Steve looked to Bucky to try and encourage him to ask questions. It was clear that Tony and Natty were deep in conversation, but he couldn’t hear what they were saying to each other.

“So how do you feel having Barnes as a father?” Tony asked her at a whisper. She looked at him, and she felt she could trust him.

“Terrified. The moment my mum told me who my father was I went online and what I found is terrifying.” She said earnestly. Tony put his hand on her shoulder and said “You don’t know the half of it sweetheart, the news didn’t report all of the horrors”.

Natty looked at Tony. He felt he was building a connection with her and it was only right that he warn her who she was getting involved with. Her head bowed, and she turned to him with tears in her eyes “Do you think I can just leave? I don’t think I want to be here.”

Bucky noticed that Natty was distressed, and wanted to try and make conversation with her. It was only going to get easier if he kept making the effort so he coughed and she looked up “Natalia…” he started, she flinched at the use of her name.

“What” she spat back at him.

“I know this is a huge shock for you” he said quietly.

“A huge shock? Are you kidding me” her voice started to rise as she continued “Oh did you wake up one day to find out that your biological father is a murderer, that he is a fucking monster? Because I did. I saw the news. I know who you are. How long before I’m in danger from you? God, I am only here because my mother put me on a plane and sent me here. I don’t want anything to do with you.” She was on her feet, anger pouring through her veins.

Bucky felt like a knife had been plunged in to his chest. She thought he was a monster. She wanted nothing to do with him. What had she and Tony been talking about? What had he told her?

“Natty” Steve stood up, but as he did Tony jumped up putting his hand on her shoulder.

“Rogers don’t. Natty is allowed to have her feelings, she knows who he is and now he knows this.” Bucky looked up to Tony, and to Natty with tears in his eyes but in the moment he saw red. How dare Tony do this, and turn this in to something else.

“I am not him” Bucky whimpered turning to Steve for help. Sam, Clint and Vision had all stood up ready to intervene.

“Do you even remember my mother?” she shouted at him.

“No.”

“Oh I thought you remembered them all Barnes” Tony chips in.

Natty picked up the dish with the spaghetti nun and throws it at him screaming “LIAR”

Bucky was on his feet and he moved towards Tony, Steve as quick as a flash got between them. Natty rushed Tony, his arm protectively shielding her. With Steve moving to Bucky’s side he caught the corner knocking the table, his foot catching the table leg and causing it to flip on its side, dishes smashing as they hit the floor.

“What did you do Tony?” Steve shouted as he struggled to keep Bucky behind him.

“I did nothing but tell her the truth about him . He’s proving now that he’s a risk to us all!”

Bucky’s body went limp, and Steve neatly toppled as the resistance he’d had stopped. At that moment they heard Natasha’s voice apologising got being late then shouting “What the hell us going on?”

Tony and Bucky look, blaming each other.

“Steve get him out of here” Natasha shouts but before he can argue Bucky looked over to Natty who is visibly terrified of him. She’s crying in to Tony’s chest as he strokes her hair and soothes her. Bucky longed to be the one doing this, not the one about to be dragged from the room by Steve.

“Tony I am so scared” he hears her sob as he tells her it will all be ok.

Once Steve and Bucky were out of the room Natasha turned to Clint and demanded “Now what the hell is going on?” Clint took a deep breath and began to explain that the girl in Tony’s arms is his daughter Natalia who now lives here apparently and she just lost it at him.

Natasha’s heart dropped when she looked at Natty. She didn’t see Bucky but she saw the resemblance to Y/N instantly.

“Did you say her name is Natalia?” She asked softly. In her heart she already knew, Y/N was alive and had had a daughter.

Bucky didn’t think he could cry anymore tears but here he was lying on his bed, his head in Steve’s lap sobbing. The pain was all too much. She had called him a murderer, a monster and she was scared of him. No matter how much he tried he and winter were together and his daughter was scared to be in the same room with him. Steve held him as he sobbed, trying to think of the right thing to say but stayed silent. When Bucky’s sobs had slowed Steve said

“She will come round. She will see you’re not him’”

“What if she doesn’t” he asked

“She will” Steve said as a matter of fact.


	6. Chapter 6

She woke to a pounding in her head, the pain resting just behind her tired and sore eyes. She opened her eyes and became aware of her surrounding, she was wrapped in her duvet hugging it closely. She looked around for her phone, she was not sure what time it was, she knew she had finally fallen asleep after 2am. Her phone display lit up, blinding her momentarily and she saw the multiple notifications, including at least ten missed calls from you. The time displayed 12pm, and she threw her head back on the pillow letting out a cry in frustration. She swung her legs out of the bed, grabbed her phone and headed to her bathroom reading the notifications as she went. The last 24 hours had been intense to say the least, after the argument at dinner Tony had brought her up to her room, and instructed F.R.I.D.A.Y to only unlock her door if she asked so that she would feel safe to sleep. However sleep had evaded her, and she had lay on her bed and cried, cried for all of the changes in her life and she hated to admit it but she missed her Mum.

After she showered, she grabbed her laptop and sat on her bed, checking the time she hoped you would be able to FaceTime. Hitting call she waited for you to answer which thankfully you quickly did.

“Hello Darling, What a wonderful surprise” you said your eyes lighting up seeing her. You hadn’t expected her to contact you let alone FaceTime you. She opened her mouth to say something and you instantly could tell something was wrong. “What’s happened darling” you asked and all of a sudden the flood gates opened and she began to sob again.

“Mum, can I please come home?”

Your heart was breaking seeing her in this state but you did this because she needed to know him, to get a chance to understand more about who she is.

“Natty, baby what’s happened? We had a deal, you had to stay for a month. You were suspended from school for two months and so you have to stay there.” You told her trying desperately to come across as the authoritarian in the family. Since finding out who her father was Natty had gone off the deep end, partying and taking drugs; she had been starting fights and staying out all night. You had tried everything, but the final straw was her being suspended from school for pulling a knife on another girl and she couldn’t stay in London on her own as you had to travel for work, so if she could connect with her father perhaps she will calm down and return to being your shy teenager daughter.

“Mum, he’s a killer. You have sent me to live with a killer” she snarled at you.

“He is not. You wouldn’t exist if he was a killer. You are 100% safe, I would say you’re the safest of us all. Would I have sent you there if I had any concern for your welfare” she rolled her eyes as you replied.

“What are your plans for today?” You ask trying to change the subject.

“Muuuuuuuum. I want to come home. What am I meant to do today? Book me a flight now. ” she sobbed louder, but the tears had stopped.

“Natalia Winter. Absolutely not. You have to get to know your father, and perhaps all of this nonsense will stop, and you will see he is not a bad man. I want you to try darling, please. Give it a week and if it is still awful I will bring you back myself.”

Natty stopped making loud noises as she pretended to cry for sympathy, she could do a week, that wasn’t too bad and then she would call her mum and get you to bring her home.

“Natty you really have to try. If he is willing to, then you need to.” You sternly tell her and she looks at you with surliness “fine, I need to go. I have to find something to eat and get to know a murderer I guess” and with that she hit end call and slammed her laptop shut. She was pissed at you, and knew hanging up would get a rise out of you. Your phone bleeped with a message,

Don’t do that again Natalia. I love you, this is for your own good

She scoffed and headed towards the door, when she noticed a piece of paper which had been slipped under her door. Picking it up she read

“Natalia,

I am not who you think I am. I would like to get to know you but I understand this will take time. Steve and I are going away for a few days and when I get back I would really like to spend time with you.

James x”

Folding the note in half she walked to her desk and put it there for safe keeping. She thought about what he had written, and relief flooded her as she knew he was not there, she felt safer for a moment before a thought crossed her mind, what if he was lying. “Errr… F.R.I.D.A.Y?” She said out loud feeling stupid “yes Ms Winter” a voice replied in her room. “Is Bucky here?”

“Captain Rogers and Bucky left for Wakanda this morning and will return in 4 days” the AI replied, allowing Natty to sigh with relief and instructed the door to be unlocked so she could go and find food.

*****

You placed your phone back on the table, removed your headphones and reached out for your large glass of wine, taking a slug you looked to your friend staring back at you. “Natty?” She asked and you nodded, swallowing your mouthful.

“How she getting on?” She asked with concern in her tone. Running your fingers along the stem of the glass absentmindedly while processing the last five minutes and how you begin to explain the situation you are in to your oldest friend. You didn’t like to talk about her father, in fact you had never explained to anyone, or well no one had asked when you had moved to London when Natty was 5, you were able to rebuild and live under the radar.

“She’s not.” You said taking another mouthful of wine before continuing “Elizabeth, I just wish she would see that her father isn’t the monster she thinks he is. If she could know the man I knew she wouldn’t hate him or me for sending her there”

You had met Elizabeth when you first moved to London, and the two of you had become firm friends as she had help d you a lot with Natty given that you were a single mum now living in a new city, a new country and she hadn’t asked you many if any questions about your life before she knew you.

“She will come around, it is just all so new for her. I mean, you told her about her father and then put her on a plane to go and see him. That’s huge.” Elizabeth replied, and refilled your glass.

“What choice did I have? The police knocking at my door with her telling me she was carrying a knife? The drugs, the partying? She is out of control and maybe this will help her find the answers she’s been looking for” you both nodded in agreement with each other.

“Y/n, you never did tell me about him. Did you say he’s not a killer… ?”

Where do you even begin to start this story? She had never asked and it as obvious that she had wanted to know for years but it had just never seemed the right time. You knew you couldn’t tell her the truth, she would never have understood and you couldn’t risk losing your closest friend.

With your eyes trained in the stem of the wine glass you started “We came from two different worlds, and it could never had worked. I left because of his job, he was never at home and we had no stability. Natty claims I have sent her to live with a stranger who for all she knows is a killer.” She looked at you with pity, you had been single for as long as she had known you, claiming that Natty was your priority at all time and you didn’t have time. The truth was the Winter Solider had changed your life in more ways that just becoming a mother but you couldn’t imagine being with any one else after him. You had fallen in love with him, and you left before he could break you, you discovered you were pregnant well after you had left and the life you left behind meant that you could never contact him again.

“I’m sorry Hun.” Elizabeth reached across the table and placed her hand on yours. “What’s changed?” She asked.

“He’s got a different job” you said with a small snigger and allowed Elizabeth to order a second bottle of wine.

——

Natasha took a deep breath and entered the living room to find Natty sitting watching a film with a large bowl of popcorn balanced on her knee. She laughed out loud, and noticing Natasha she immediately paused the film.

“Sorry, was I being too loud?” She asked as Natasha took a seat next to her.

“Not at all” she replied looking at her. She took her all in, the dark hair but pale skin, and bright blue eyes. They had the same laugh, the way she purse her lips and smirk.

The same as Y/N she thought to herself. Natasha has purposely avoided sitting down with Natty while Bucky and Steve were away because she did not quite know how to process the information now in front of her. She knew from the moment she saw her that she was your daughter, although she had had no idea that Natty had existed, or if you were even alive. She looked at the teenager and noticed how relaxed she was sitting crossed legged and comfortable in the space. A big difference from four days ago when she walked in to her sobbing with Tony and Steve holding Bucky back. The rest of the evening had been a blur and a mess, Natasha ended up going and talking to Steve and suggesting that maybe a break would do Bucky the world of good. She had suggested that the Avengers were overdue a visit to T’Challa and Shuri perhaps it would be a good idea for Steve to take Bucky with him and have some time away. Since then she had kept her distance, not really sure why she was using paperwork as a reason to stay away from the teenager, However knowing that Bucky and Steve were on their way back meant she needed to check in with Natty more than she had been doing. She had been relying on Tony and F.R.I.D.A.Y to keep track of her and checking in on her. Natty was mainly keeping herself to herself in her room, venturing out for food but according to Tony she was happy just watching movies and reading in her room. There had however been a moment in the kitchen days earlier where Natasha had been able to introduced herself properly to Natty but she had run back to her room pretty quickly so it was nice to see her in the living room, at home.

“How you settling in Natty?” Natasha asked.

“Ok, I guess. It’s just really weird here. I feel a bit out of place but it helps that I can have what ever I want. America sweets are amazing! I missed them when I moved to England” natty said pulling out a bag of sweets from beside her.

She had lived in America for a bit, then England? Natasha thought. She was desperate to piece together the information that she had to try and track Y/N down. Natasha had not mentioned to anyone she suspected she knew who you were, because Bucky clearly had no idea that she had existed and Natty wasn’t given any information up.

“Yea, sugar is the best” Natasha replied, thinking about her next question and how Natty was going to react.

There was a silence between the two women, broken only by Natasha taking a deep breath and starting “You know he isn’t the monster he once was” as she placed her hand on Natty’s hand. The atmosphere changed instantly Natty pulling her hand back and sitting on them. She looked at Natasha with fury in her eyes, and took in a deep breath.

“How would you all know this? Maybe as he was the deadliest assassin for sixty years who terrorised the world that maybe he had fooled you all” she spat back to Natasha.

“Well, I wouldn’t say the deadliest assassin” Natasha said with a smirk, Black Widow could have given him a run for his money back in the day. “Because Natty, I knew him then and I know him now. Bucky is a completely different person to the Winter Soldier. He was brainwashed, controlled by some really shitty people but Bucky would always fight to get out and they would wipe his memory again and again and reprogrammed him. He spent months in Wakanda having extensive treatment and the programming has been removed”

Natty listened to Natasha while not looking at her. She didn’t want to believe what everyone was saying, it was easier to listen to Tony as he had not been fooled by the winter soldier; once a killer, always a killer. She had accepted that she had to stay a week before you would consider her coming home and she had failed to update you that he would be away so she could get away with not giving him time or a chance. “People keep saying this to me Natasha but I’m sorry I just don’t believe it. My Mum says I have to give it a week, and then I can go home. It’s been 5 days, so two more and I am out of here”.

Bucky stood in the corridor listening to their conversation, knowing it was a massive invasion of Natty’s privacy but he had heard the kind words Natasha had for him and he wanted so desperately to hear her response. His heart sank hearing her delight over the fact she would get to leave and had no interest in talking to him let alone getting to know him. He had hoped the couple of days to get settled, and the kind words his friends may have for him would change Natty’s mind however this had seemed not to be the case. He had asked F.R.I.D.A.Y not to announce their arrival as he wanted to freshen up first before going to see if he could speak to Natty, realising Steve had come to stand next to him he turned to him and plastered a smile as wide as he could across his face to show he was fine. This was not the case, and Steve saw through it immediately.

“Come on Buck, let’s get washed up and then go and see her”

Natty and Natasha sat in silence watching the film that she had put on. Natasha received a text message from Steve.

Bucky heard you.

Natasha’s eyes flitted between her phone and Natty, thinking in this moment should she warn Natty that they were back or should she deal with the fall out of Bucky hearing their conversation. Natasha decided to deal with the teenager first, then Bucky. Taping Natty on the leg as she stood up she said “hey, let’s go and get some proper food, you can’t just eat junk food all the time”. Begrudgingly Natty moaned, and huffed out the word “fine” as she put down the sweets and stood up to join them. Hitting reply Natasha sent Bucky a text, and put her phone in her pocket before leading Natty out of the room in search of food.


	7. Chapter 7

Natasha and Natty were sitting at the now fixed dining table sharing a pizza and laughter. The hunt for proper food ended with Natasha making pizza for them both, and allowing Natty to add her own toppings. It was a moment of bonding for the two women and Natty began to feel more comfortable around Natasha. Hearing the laughter Steve paused before walking into the room and prepared himself for the scene in front of him. The two women were sitting together, laughing and animatedly talking about training fails Natasha had had. He nodded to Natasha who smiled back and Natty spun round to see who had entered the room. 

“Hi Natty” Steve said, pulling up a chair next to her. She turned to him and eyed him suspiciously, where he was, Bucky was sure to be nearby. Was this another chance to ambush her. 

“How was Wakanda?” Natasha asked and Steve turned his attention to her. 

“Wonderful, T’Challa sends his regards, as always” he said with a smirk. Natty sat silently watching the two Avengers catching up and continued to eat her pizza. She wanted to disappear back to the safety of her room before Bucky appeared. She did not know what was going to happen and this made her uneasy. Her eyes kept darting towards the doorway. Natasha had given her things to think about and she wanted to retreat to her room. She had some research to do and she knew the lock on the door of her room worked to keep out super soldier. 

“Natty, I wondered if you wanted to come in to New York with me tomorrow?” Steve asked turning to face her and she sat up straight. The chance of being in New York meant freedom from this imposed prison her mother had left her in. Her eyes light up with all the thoughts she had of what she could do with a day in New York. 

“Who is going?” she said, trying to downplay how excited she was to be out of the compound. He was surprised at her willingness to spend time with him. The drive to New York was at least an hour and it would just be the two of them. He would be able to do more research on her.

“Just you and me…” he said trailing off at the end. 

“What about the Winter Soldier?” she asked, and Natasha’s head darted to her. Steve’s head dipped and he recovered quickly. 

“There is no Winter Soldier here Natalia” Steve replied sternly. “Bucky is here” Natasha interjected. 

Natty rolled her eyes and sarcastically quipped back “Yes Sir.” while doing a salute and plastering a fake smile across her face. “Does that mean you would like to come tomorrow?” Steve asked her. He was beginning to feel like he was parenting this sulky teenager. She thought for a moment. Her initial reaction was to reject this parental energy radiating off of Steve but she knew that if she pushed back the offer of New York could be taken away and she had spent six days in the compound and was desperate to leave the Avengers space. She took a deep breath and said “Yes please Steve” and she smiled sweetly. 

“Great, then we leave at 9am” he smiled. The smile was one of pride. 

“Can I go to my room?” She asked Natasha, who simply nodded yes. Natty picked up her plate, loading more slices of pizza on to it, she walked out of the door. Steve’s smile dropped as he realised he had been played. 

“How was she while we were away?” Steve said grabbing a slice of pizza. Natasha shook her head and replied “Steve, I really thought I was making progress but she just can’t get past Bucky’s past” 

“I don’t know what to do with either of them. Bucky is refusing to leave his room until I have spoken to her. She won’t speak to him. It’s like having two teenagers in this house” he lightly chuckled and his head dropped. The problem between the two of them was his number one priority. He hated how this was affecting Bucky. Their time in Wakanda was anything but wonderful. Bucky has moped around the palace and was only kept amused by Princess Shuri and playing with the kids he had met when lived there during his rehab. Steve’s biggest concern was that the stress of this would play havoc with his mind and the progress and small steps he had made to integrate into the team would disappear and he would isolate himself again. 

“This is not your problem to fix Steve” she reached out and touched his hand to try and comfort him. He pulled his hand back and placing his hands on his face he let out a frustrated groan. He knew it was not his problem to fix but he could not help wanting to make things better. He had stopped the world ending multiple times but his biggest challenge seemed to be a 15 year old girl who seemed hell bent on not giving his best friend the time of day. 

“Steve” the tone Natasha spoken in caused Steve to drop his hands immediately and look at her 

“Any luck in tracking down her mother?” she continued. 

This was another problem, with all of the technology at Steve and Tony’s disposal they had been unable to trace Natty’s phone, or any evidence of her mother. The mystery was causing more questions between Tony and Steve and he knew he needed to speak to Fury about this. 

“No record of Natty or her mother. Tony tried hacking into Natty’s phone and laptop but has not been able to”

Natasha sat back in her chair at the weight of this news. How had Y/N been able to hide in plain sight like this. Natasha had made the decision not to tell Steve or Tony she had her suspicions about your identity because of the questions that would be raised. She was not prepared to answer the questions which the team would have if she opened her mother about who she thought Natty’s mother was. She was not about to do that. She wanted to get to know Natalia. 

“That is strange” Natasha said trailing off. Her mind in overdrive thinking about how you had been able to stay off of the grid all this time. 

“Wait.” Natasha turned to him and in a growl continued “ Tony is trying to hack her phone? Steve no, that is NOT ok. A teenage girl needs her privacy!” she said standing up. 

“Where are you going?” he replied standing up and moved towards the door, trying to stop Natasha from leaving. 

“I am going to speak to Tony now. You two have no right to do this!” and with that she left the room. 

Steve stood with his hands on his hips and quietly said to no one in particular “What is going on here”

———

Natty found herself sitting on a couch in Stark tower reading another fantasy novel. Her day out in New York was nothing like she thought it would be. Steve had driven them in to the city, and then straight into the living quarters in Stark Tower where she had been told to wait for Steve to finish up a meeting, and that had been four hours ago. She had made plans of how to spend her day. She thought she would be able to go out and explore and have some time alone but when she tried to leave the room F.R.I.D.A.Y announced that the door was locked and for her to wait for Captain Rogers to return. She was lying on the couch and absentmindedly rereading the same sentences over and over again so she did not notice the door opening and the young man walking in. He stopped immediately. He was not used to seeing anyone in the living room, let alone a teenage girl lying on the couch reading. He closed the door and she looked up and put her book down. 

“Hey” he said, looking at her face. His nervousness was obvious in the way he held himself. Gosh she was pretty and it made him nervous. 

“ Hi” she said looking at him. Who was this? She thought to herself. She eyed him and could sense his nervousness around her. He was cute. He must be about her age with a cute smile and nice eyes. 

“I’m Peter” he said putting out his hand and Natty sat up from the couch, and moved up towards him. She took a deep breath and put her hand in his and replied “Natalia”. Oh this is going to be fun, she thought to herself, and she knew exactly how to get out. 

—–

Steve walked into the living room he called out “Natty, Sorry that took so long!” but found the room empty. He looked around, panicked as there was no sign of her. His heart began to race. He had instructed her to wait, and asked F.R.I.D.A.Y to lock the doors to stop anyone just wandering in. Fury and Steve had agreed that it was important that no one knew about Natalia outside of the immediate team for her own protection. He assessed the situation and the room looked fine. He immediately went in to Captain America mode. 

“F.R.I.D.A.Y Where is Natalia?” he called out, trying to hide the panic in his voice. 

“Natalia left with Peter Parker. An hour ago” F.R.I.D.A.Y replied instantly. He completely forgot about Peter. He would have been allowed access as he was part of the immediate team but he still lived with his Aunt in Queens.

“Damn” he said pulling out his phone and dialled Peter. He paced the room waiting for Peter to answer. If anything has happened to her he will be in trouble, and if something hasn’t? She is going to be in trouble. 

—–

“Peter Parker speaking” he said answering his phone when he saw Steve Rogers name appear on his caller id. 

“Peter, where are you” he said sternly. 

“I am at home in Queens Sir” he replied sensing a tone. 

“Is Natalia with you?” he asked, panic now taking over his voice. 

“She was with me for a bit then she said there was somewhere she needed to go and left, about an hour ago Sir” he said as a matter of fact. 

“Peter, we have been through this, you don’t have to call me Sir. Do you know where she went?” Steve called out. “Peter, where did she go!” he was trying desperately trying to keep control and not shout at a 16 year old boy but his mind was in overdrive. How could he have lost Natalia on the first day out together. She could be anywhere. His mind raced, where would a 15 year old go on her own in New York? It was safe to say he had no idea where a 15 year old girl would go. Bucky was going to kill him. Fury was going to kill him. Natasha was going to kill him. 

“She said she had somewhere to be, and headed to the subway. What is going on Mr Rogers?” Peter stuttered out. He could sense something was seriously wrong. 

“Thanks Peter” and with that Steve hung up. He called out to F.R.I.D.A.Y “Activate the tracking device in Natalia’s phone” as he marched out of the room. 

——

She sat on the bench and stared up at the poster. Her headphones blasting out music as she ignored the crowds of people heading towards the exit. She had been sitting on the bench for a few hours now, and staring up in front of her she took in the sight again. Once she had managed to get her freedom from the tower she and Peter had found a coffee shop where they talked about their mutual love of Game of Thrones. She had asked him all sorts of questions about him time with the team and he had good words to say about them all. He mentioned something about heading home to Queens and she took the opportunity to slip away from him telling him she had somewhere to be. The truth was she needed to head to the train station to be able to continue her research and Steve would be none the wiser. 

“Excuse me miss” she looked up as a hand touched her shoulder and she looked up to the man who was touching her, a security guard. She removed her headphones as he repeated again “We close in 15 minutes” 

“Thanks” she muttered and replaced her headphones back over her ears. 

She stayed seated and stared at the image in front of her. She was not sure what to do now. She had not thought much past getting on a train and she found herself sitting on the bench for hours. She stood up and turned around and walked into a wall of a person. 

“This is the last place I thought I would find you” Steve said looking down to her, and then again to the exhibition behind him. In front of him was the James Buchanan Barnes display in the Smithsonian. They had updated it to include some information about the Winter Soldier. Natty looked down to her feet. She had not planned on coming here, but curiosity got the better of her. She found a link to the exhibition and there was limited information online so she needed to see it for herself. 

“I wanted to see what Natasha was talking about” she said turning round and staring up at the exhibit. “Now I am more confused than ever”

“Natty. You can’t just disappear like this. You can’t leave the state and not tell anyone” he said pulling her into a hug. He did not know why but after being scared that something had happened to her and the relief of F.R.I.D.A.Y locating her at the Smithsonian caused him to need to show her. She stood there with her arms limp. She did not return the touch. He had been so panicked that he had flown a jet from Stark tower to get to her as quickly as he could. Some of the fear came from what Natasha would do to him if he had not brought her back. 

“How did you find me?” she asked quietly as he let go of her. 

He stood back from her and took a deep breath. He thought about lying, but knew he had to be honest. “There’s a tracking device in the phone I gave you.” he said pointing at the phone in your hand. 

“Not cool.” she said throwing the phone to him and walked off. He caught it with ease and set off behind her.

“Natty wait!” he called out as Natty had set off running away from him. She ran in to the ladies bathroom. He paused outside of the door and pushed it open. As he walked in all he could hear was the sound of crying coming from one of the stalls. 

“Natty. Talk to me, please” he said softly as he stood outside the stall she had locked herself in. Her crying paused and he tried the door, it opened slowly and she was sitting there crying while holding her knees close to her chest. 

“Natalia” he said walking towards her and bending down to touch her shoulders. She looked up at him and he saw the tears pouring down her face. 

“I hate this” she sobbed out. “I just want my normal life back. I don’t want to be here. I don’t want to be tracked, or be in this country. I did not ask for this” she sobbed louder. Steve was not sure what to do this time. He needed back up, he needed Natasha or Pepper. They would know what to do. 

“Natalia. This situation is unusual for us all. Please let me take you home?” he said, and her crying stopped. 

“Home or back there?” she looked up at him with tears in her big blue eyes. She wanted so desperately to be back at home in London with her mum. It had only been a month away but this was too much for her to take. She tried to keep the attitude up, that she did not care what people think of her and that she was stronger than she was but deep down she was a 15 year old girl who’s mum had shipped her off to America to live with strangers. 

“The compound for now. Home soon. Promise” he said, and she stood up. She nodded and he walked her out of the bathroom. 

The journey back was silent and short. Steve did not want to push her to talk. He had called Natasha and told her that he had found her and that they were on their way back. He did not tell anyone where he had found her, it would cause more stress if Bucky had any idea that he had lost her or where he had found her as this could cause more trouble. When they arrived back at the compound Natty had stormed out of the jet and straight into the kitchen. She grabbed junk food and headed to the living room. She wanted to consume all of the candy and watch trash TV but as she walked in she noticed that he was sitting on the couch. She stopped in her tracks when he looked up from the book he was reading, he folded down the corner of the page he was reading and placed it on the table. 

“Did you have a nice day in New York?” He asked gently, he did not want to upset her although he looked at her face and noticed the tell tale signs of someone who had been crying. The red eyes, blotchy skin and the scowl to end all scowls. 

“It was fine” she said and she turned around to walk out, hoping to make it to her room before she started to cry. Not before noticing the book on the table was Lord of The Rings. She looked to Bucky and back to the book on the table. She could feel the tears building again and she bolted from the room leaving Bucky even more confused than before. He picked the book back up and continued reading, he had not been able to put it down since travelling to Wakanda. He wanted something to connect with Natalia and thought this would be a good start. 


	8. Chapter 8

It had been seven days since your daughter had called you tearfully begging to come home, and other than the occasional ‘“yes mum I am fine” replies it had been radio silence from your daughter meaning only one thing; she was still sulking with you. You found yourself laying down on your couch, aimlessly flicking TV channels looking for something to watch and failing miserably. The month without Natalia had felt like a lifetime. You had never been away from her for more than two nights before and although you knew this was for her own benefit you had been secretly hoping that she would call again and beg you to let her come back. You would have had a ticket to her within minutes. Work was a welcome distraction and you often had to work late when Natty had been living with you but coming home to an empty house was starting to take its toll on you. You reached out and grabbing your glass of wine, draining it in one mouthful. You lay back down, allowing your eyes to rest as some mindless reality TV show made noise in the background. 

You were woken from a particularly interesting dream by the ringing of your phone. Rubbing your eyes, you looked at the screen and could see it was your daughter on FaceTime. Smiling you hit the green button and beamed “Baby!” to her. 

“Hi Mum” she said softly. You looked for a sign of how she was feeling but you were unable to read the facial cues. Natty liked to pretend she was some tough teenager who did not care what people thought about her but she knew that she was just as just as insecure as most and that once you got past the grumpy façade and the short temper she was the sweetest daughter you could ask for. The two of you used to be so close, the best of friends. You missed her. 

“How are you darling?” you beamed at her, hoping that your tone was breezy. The last thing you wanted to show how hard you were finding this too. You needed to be strong for her. You watched her reaction, spotting the faint hint of a smile. 

“Better” she started and then continued “I’ve been spending time with Natasha and Steve.”

Your heart skipped a beat, of course Natasha would be there. How could you forget that she would be there. “Oh? What are they like?” 

“Natasha is a lot of fun. She and I watch films and she promised to take me out shopping next week. And Steve? He’s ok. He took me to New York the other day and it was ok.” You laughed as she just kept saying ok. Everything was ok. 

The conversation paused, you did not want to ask about him but you needed to know. 

“Bucky and I are going for coffee with Steve tomorrow” she said before you could ask. You played the name Bucky over and over in your mind. You had only known him as Winter so this Bucky was a complete stranger to you. 

“How do you feel about that?” you asked, reaching out for the bottle of wine that you had left next to the couch and refilling your glass. Natty looked away from the camera and you could see the confliction on her face. Taking a mouthful of wine you smiled at her, and she returned the smile. 

“Nervous. Everyone’s said he’s not the Winter Soldier anymore. I promised Nat… well Natasha, she told me to call her Nat.. I promised that I would go for one coffee” she said not looking at the camera again. She reached out and started playing with her phone. You could read her like a book. 

“So you want to stay for a little bit longer?” You asked, a hint of sadness in your tone.

“I’d like to give it one more week Mum. Is that ok?” You smiled your biggest smile and replied “Of course Darling! You can stay as long as you would like.” you sipped your wine. 

“Thanks Mum.” she stopped for a moment and looked at you. “How are you Mum?” you took a deep breath and just smiling at her, your sweet daughter. “Oh you know me darling. It’s the same old same old over here. Work is keeping me busy” 

“So not missing me at all then?” she laughed at you. You shook your head “Of course I am! There is no one to borrow my clothes and make up. I have no one to share a slice of cake with when I go out. You have fun darling and I will be here when you are ready” 

“Thanks Mum. I miss you” she smiled at you. She obviously didn’t want to seem too excited to be in New York with you at home. You felt a pang in your chest. It had been the two of you for most of her life and being away from her was more difficult than you had ever thought it would be. When she had called the week earlier and had cried down the phone it had almost broken your heart, but her smiling and being more comfortable being there hurt just as much as her wanting to come home. You didn’t know what to do with your time outside of work without her. 

“It must be late there Mum” she said bringing you back from your thoughts. 

“I always have time for you” you replied. 

“You’re the best!” she started and then looked away from the screen “Coming!” she shouted to another voice before turning back to you. “Nat says dinner is ready, gotta go Mum. Love you!” and she blew you a kiss before the call ended. Throwing your head back you poured another glass of wine before picking it up and walking to your bedroom and heading to sleep. 

——

Natty took her seat next to Natasha at the dinner table and she looked around at the group. This was another attempt at family dinner and tension was running high. Tony had sent his apologies for the meal, so the seat next to her was filled by Peter. She smiled to herself, saying “Hey” to him.

He gave her an equally awkward hello with a short pause before the two of them began to excitedly talk about some news article on the upcoming series of Game of Thrones. Steve and Bucky entered the room carrying dishes filled with freshly cooked food, and set it down on the table. The team quickly piled their plates up and Natty wasted no time in diving straight in. Bucky took the seat opposite her and Steve touched his arm softly. Steve hadn’t told Bucky about the day before. He was cautious about talking to Bucky about Natty, and the idea that she had left New York and travelled to the Smithsonian without saying a word to anyone would cause panic. He did not want to admit that he had lost her for a few hours on their first trip out together. He and Natasha had had a long conversation about what the next steps would be, and with Natty had agreed to a coffee with both Steve and Bucky it seemed there was progress. 

“Bucky, could you please pass the bread” 

There was silence as the team stopped what they were doing. Bucky looked up to see Natty was the one who asked the question. He almost smiled as he handed her the plate, and she looked down. She nodded thanks, the room filling with noise again and the eating continued. Until this point Natty had barely looked at him, let alone spoken his name. Steve touched his arm again and without looking up from his plate Bucky’s lips formed a coy smile and relaxed around his family. 

Dinner continued to be enjoyably loud after that, Peter and Natty were locked in an animated discussion with the others discussing the events of the week. Steve and Bucky shared a smile, and the meal finished without a hitch. 

“Anyone up for a movie?” Steve called out as he began clearing the dishes. The room was filled with agreement.

“I don’t know Mr Rogers, I need to get back to Queens.” Peter said and the disappointment on Natty’s face was not missed by Wanda and Natasha. 

“If you’re sure Peter. You know you can stay here” Wanda started. 

“Aunt May will be worried, no weeknight sleepovers” he replied and she nodded. He jumped up, and ran out of the room. He ran back in and handed Natty something before shouting “bye” to everyone, leaving Natty blushing in the corner.

The team minus Peter headed in to the living room and Natasha grabbed Natty into the spare seat next to her. She pulled her into a comforting cuddle and held her softly, and the movie started. Natty smiled as she was reminded of her Mum, and how they would watch movies together at home cuddled up on the couch. Before Natasha could ask Natty what Peter had given her she discovered that she was fast asleep and left her to rest. Bucky smiled looking at the sight in front of him and took a deep breath. It seemed that everything was starting to become a little easier, for them all. 

———

Natty awoke in her bed to the sound of her alarm, and she reached out for her phone. She turned off the alarm and started going through all of the notifications from Peter, smiling to herself. She hit a quick reply of “see you later. Can’t wait” before heading to her bathroom for a shower. 

She had been living at the compound for a whole month and finally she was being allowed to go to New York on her own for the weekend. Not strictly on her own, she was going to stay with Peter and Aunt May, and there may or may not be a party she would be invited to go with him. She quickly got dressed and headed to the kitchen, opening the fridge she grabbed the smoothie with her name on it before heading down to the offices on the floor below. 

She opened the door and she was greeted as always by an incredibly attractive man dressed in a tweed suit, with chocolate brown eyes and brown hair with flecks of grey in it. He smiled at her, greeting her with a “Good morning Natalia” as she took her seat. After Natalia had asked to stay for the month, Steve had a few conditions to her staying. If she was going to be living in the compound then she would have to continue with her schooling. Steve had insisted on it. She had tried to fight Steve on a tutor at first however when she saw Mr Sharpe she suddenly stopped fighting him on it. Steve had no idea why she had agreed so quickly but Natasha and Wanda sure knew, they were both a little in love with him. The other conditions were much more difficult for Natty to agree to, other than schooling during weekdays she also had to eat all meals in the dining room, have coffee with Steve and Bucky once a week, and to always keep her issued phone with her at all times. She also was not allowed to leave the compound without one of the adults, but to be honest she did not know where she would go if she good. She had agreed to all of his conditions so for the last three weeks, she had been spending the day with Mr Sharpe and evenings with the team. She was not about to admit it but she was enjoying herself. 

“Morning Mr Sharpe!” she said taking a mouthful of her breakfast smoothie. She wasn’t exactly sure what the rules were about eating in the office turned classroom but she thought with Captain America on her side she could do what she wanted. She just needed to get through the morning of lessons with him, lunch with the team and then an entire weekend with her friend Peter in New York. 

“Right, so on to US history today Natalia” he began. 

The last three weeks had been a blur. Coffee with Steve and Bucky had been fine, she had spoken a few words to them both and she was softening towards Bucky but she visibly made more effort with Steve than him. Bucky had taken to reading the same books that she was, in the hopes that he could try and talk to her about them but he still had not built up the confidence to try and strike up a conversation about it, so he left Steve to do most of the talking. She wasn’t happy about being on her own with him, and Bucky knew it would take time and space so he wasn’t going to push it. He wanted her to feel comfortable so if that meant taking what little time he could with her then he would take it. Movie nights, family dinner and a weekly coffee date with Steve was the best he was going to get for now and he loved spending time with her. She had a strong bond with Peter and was always on her phone to him. Steve had finally agreed to let her go to spend the weekend with him, only after meeting with Aunt May and Natty promising she would not leave Peter’s side the entire weekend. 

——-

“She’s so excited” Wanda turned to Natasha as they entered the gym seeing Bucky and Sam play fighting, or real fighting. It wasn’t easy to tell with those two. 

“Bless. She spent last night in my room planning her outfits” Wanda continued and Natasha smiled. Natty had been excited when Steve had agreed, especially as there was a party that Peter had invited her to along with MJ and Ned. It was hard for a teenager to live in the compound. There wasn’t much for her to do, so the chance of spending a weekend with teenagers her own age was important or at least that was the argument Natasha had made to Steve and Bucky. Bucky may be her father, but Steve was definitely the parent to Natty. Bucky deferred to Steve on rules when it came to Natty. 

Steve walked in and announced the training drill they were going to do and the team started. Natasha paired up with Bucky, Wanda with Vision and Sam with Steve. F.R.I.D.A.Y started the simulation and they got to work. 

“I wonder if she’ll meet a boy! Maybe even dance a little” Wanda called out to Natasha who laughed as she took down Bucky. He had been distracted as soon as he heard the word boy. 

“A boy?!” he questioned, turning to Nat as she held out her hand to help him up. 

“Yea, Peter is taking her to a party. There will be boys there you know” she laughed as the shock spread across his face. He did not like the idea of Natty being around boys, or parties. He knew what teenage boys were like. He was not sure of the feeling inside his chest but it was definitely one of the worries about Natty being on her own in New York, around boys. Boys that he had been unable to do any kind of background check on. 

“Dancing, even may be kissing” Nat teased Bucky as his face burned red. 

“TEAM. We are not discussing Natalia’s love life” Steve called out a command and they all obeyed. Bucky stopped and stared at Steve. The words love life replaying over and over in his mind. The idea that she would be dating a boy was suddenly causing him to more flustered than he would like to admit. She was a 15 year old girl, they did not date surely? He started thinking about how he would be able to find out who was going to be at the party, and would it be weird if he and Steve stopped by the party? 

“Boys? Love life?” he whispered to Natasha, who laughed while patting him on the back. “Yea, Bucky. She’s a teenager!” 

“I don’t like it” he said as F.R.I.D.A.Y announced the countdown to the simulation starting. 

Natasha smirked and said “Tell me a father who is ok with their daughter going to parties” 

Father, he liked the sound of that. 

The simulation finished with all of the avengers lying on the floor to recover. Steve stood up first and gave the command “showers then lunch” and with a mixture of agreement and moans the team all made their way back to their own rooms to wash then get ready for lunch. 

Natty and Mr Sharpe were already in the kitchen when Bucky walked in. Natty was sitting on the counter laughing loudly at something Mr Sharpe had said. Bucky greeted them both then went straight to the fridge to begin the mammoth preparation for the team lunch. He heard laughter coming from the kitchen and paused before he walked in. He could hear the way Natty and Mr Sharpe talked to each other, and they were enthusiastically talking about Jane Austen. How could anyone be laughing and making jokes about Jane Austen. He pulled a small notebook from his pocket and noted down look up Jane Austen. 

“No really” Mr Sharpe replied, Natty giving him all her attention. Bucky looking at them both and could only wish for the dynamic the two of them had. 

“Mr Sharpe you are so funny” she laughed loudly, Bucky was not about to admit the pang of jealousy he felt hearing her so effortlessly comfortable with her tutor when she was so nervous around him. 

She looked up as Natasha and Steve walked in, smiling at each other. 

“Looking forward to your weekend away?” Natasha asked her winking at her. Natty scoffed and then smiled “Yea! I’ve not seen Peter in ages and I can’t wait to meet MJ and Ned. I’ve heard so much about them!” She jumped down from the counter and turned to Mr Sharpe “Hey, so lessons are finished for today?” and he nodded. She dashed from the room, eager to head in to New York. 

“Lunch will be ready in 30 and then after Bucky and I will drive you in to New York. We’re meeting Fury so it saves you getting a train” Steve called after her, she called out “ok” from the corridor. She was certain this was going to be the best weekend but first she needed to make sure she was packed and ready. 

Bucky stared at Natasha “The wink, really?” which caused her to laugh out loud as she playfully punched his flesh arm. “Chill Dad. She will be fine”. 

——-

Aunt May’s car pulled up to the kerb and they all looked to the house where the music was blaring out of. It was clear this is where the teenage party was being held. She turned to the car full of teenagers and said “Ok gang, have fun! MJ, your Dad is picking you up,” as MJ and Ned opened the back doors of the car and exited, Natty following after MJ. “Peter, hold up a second” Aunt May said stopping as Peter he went to exit the car. 

“Keep an eye on Natty, she’s younger than you so just make sure she is safe yea?” she kissed him on the cheek and with that Peter jumped out of the car calling out “Bye May!” 

The four of them walked up to the open door, and Natty held her breath. The music was blaring, and the entrance hall was filled with bodies talking and dancing together. MJ shrugged a hello to people greeting her, and the other three followed further in to the house. Natty took a cup offered to her, she was used to drinking alcohol, it was typical for a 15 year old Brit to drink at a party so she downed the cup in one. She was going to have fun, she was determined to. 

—-

It was Saturday night and Bucky found himself sitting in the living room of Stark tower flicking through the report that he had been avoiding reading for hours. Steve had been called out to a last minute mission but Bucky was still on desk duty. Desk duty didn’t mean that he couldn’t be sitting comfortably at least. He was not able to concentrate on the report because his mind was in overdrive about Natalia at her first high school party. He didn’t think he would be so bothered about her being out with Peter but he was concerned for her. He had only known her for a month but he knew she was the most important thing to him in the world. Steve and he had taken her to May’s and even though she tried to alleviate his concerns his mind was still on her. He knew Peter was a good kid, and he was Spiderman for goodness sake so she was at least safe while he was with her. He still didn’t know that much about her, he knew she loved to read and was reserved when she was anxious. She loved to watch reality TV and eat terrible food and if it hadn’t been for Natasha then Natalia would only ever eat junk food. He smiled as he was reminded of the way she became animated telling both Steve and Bucky about all of the things Peter had planned for them over the weekend. He’d promised that he would take her out in New York, and she was excited to do all of the tourist things. She seemed to be settling in, and maybe she would want to stay for a little longer. He had spent hours, days really trying desperately to think back to his past about her mother but he had no recollection at all. Steve had told him they had tried to track her down but still had no information on her. If only he could remember who she was, the years that had been stolen from him by HYDRA made him even angrier than before. He had a child, and he had no idea how this could have happened. The thought at the back of his mind that he was terrified to ever voice was that the Winter Soldier had done the unspeakable and the result was a daughter. He wanted to talk to Steve about it, but how could he ever voice this to him. Yea, as a HYDRA weapon he had been a deadly assassin but had followed orders under brainwashing, this could have been something Winter had done on his own and that scared Bucky., All of a sudden F.R.I.D.A.Y interrupted his thoughts with an alert. 

“Incoming call for Captain Rogers. Sergeant Barnes, all calls have been forwarded to you. Will you accept?” 

“Yea” Bucky said lazily, still flicking through the reports and his phone began to ring. He answered but before he could say anything he heard crying down the phone. 

“Steve” the sob from Natty came through the phone. He jumped up from the couch and replied “It’s Bucky. Steve’s on a mission” the sobs continued. “Natalia, what’s wrong, what’s happening?” He could feel his heartbeat in his throat. His mind raced, and his only thought was her. 

“Bucky, can you come get me” she cried through the phone and he was already running out of the room. “Wait there, I will be as quick as I can” 

As he headed to the garage “F.R.I.D.A.Y. I need Natalia’s location” and his phone pinged as the coordinates arrived at his phone. He grabbed the keys to the first car, and threw the door open and jumped in. Putting the key in the ignition he paused, and said as gently as he could not wanting to scare her “Natalia, are you safe?” with fear in his voice. 

She sniffed and a small sob came out “Yea, I need to go home”

“Natalia, it’s ok. I’ll be there as quick as possible” and he put his foot on the accelerator and sped off into the night to save his daughter.


	9. Chapter 9

The car came to a screeching halt outside a house in Queens. He had broken multiple laws to get to the address that F.R.I.D.A.Y had given him. His heart was pounding in his chest. His only priority was her and concern clouded his judgement as he ran up to the open front door. The music was blaring and drunken teenagers filled the hallway. He was hypersensitive to every noise as he assessed the situation. The sea of teenagers in the corridor blocking his way. He looked to his phone which had Natalia’s exact location. Thank god for Stark Technology he thought to himself as his eyes scanned the room, he needed the stairs. Noticing them to the right he gently pushed through the crowd and ran up them, two at a time. He found himself in a long corridor. The music was not as loud upstairs. He could feel the anxiety coasting through his body. He did not know what he was about to walk in to, all F.R.I.D.A.Y could give him was that there was no immediate threat in the space. She had just cried down the phone as he talked nonsense to her on his way to get her.

“NATALIA?!” He shouted, looking to each of the doors in front of him. 

There was a click of a lock and a door at the end opened slightly, which Bucky ran to. The sliver of the door was opened and Bucky knocked as he walked in calling out “Natalia, it’s me. Bucky”. He assessed the situation with caution, she had been so against spending any time with him on her own at the compound and he did not want to upset her further. She was sitting on the floor next to the toilet, her arm on the seat, her head lulling from side to side. The room had a strong odour of alcohol and vomit. Her black eye makeup had run all down her face, her shirt was soaking wet. He assessed the situation as he would during a mission. No weapons, no assailants just a visibly drunk teenager. He did not know what to do. She was always so cautious around him and here she was in a vulnerable state, he took a step closer to her and dropped to his knees. The adrenaline that had been coursing through his veins had slowed, and he could feel his heartbeat returning to normal. 

“Natalia. Have you been drinking?” he said taking in the vision of his teenage daughter sitting on the floor. “Please don’t tell Steve” she slurred slightly, her head rolling from side to side. 

“Where is Peter” he said moving closer to her, grabbing a towel and attempting to wipe her face. He needed to get her to safety where she could sleep. “Dancing with MJ” she said lifting her head to look at her saviour. 

“Can you stand up?” He said and she nodded. He put his hand out to help her which she took. Placing her hand in his, his whole body relaxed, not realising that his body had been tense from the moment he had heard her sob on the phone. This was the first physical contact they had ever had, and his heart was filled with overwhelming love for her. He knew in that instant that the connection was unbreakable. She grasped it tightly, feeling the security in it. She felt safe. She stumbled as she stood up, and started to cry again. 

“A boy tried to kiss me.” she sniffled out as she removed her hand from his. Bucky’s eyes flared and he saw red. “WHO” he called out, “I’ll kill him” he said heading to the door, forgetting that she was so unsteady on her feet. Overprotective father was a natural instinct coursing through Bucky. She held out her hand and fell forward into him “NO! It’s not that” she cried out, and he looked down at her. She was standing against his chest, her face buried in to him. Her eyes were filled with tears again and she stared up at him. 

“He tried to kiss me and I threw up” 

He instinctively raised his arm up to place round her but dropped it and held her back from him slightly as he took his jacket off. He wrapped his jacket around her and zipped it up. From the evident smell that radiated from her she had thrown up on herself and the wet shirt told him she had tried to clean herself up.

“the room keeps spinning” she said, and he nodded. “That’s the alcohol Natalia. Can you walk?” She tried to stand but started to stagger and even more crying, Bucky didn’t think it was possible for so many tears to come out of something so small. She was clearly drunk and if Steve saw her in this state he would be so angry. 

“Natalia, do you want me to help you out?” he asked softly and she nodded. He put his arm around her and supported her out of the bathroom. The music was still pumping loudly, teenagers consumed with each other no one noticed Bucky Barnes, an Avenger walking out of the house with his daughter. The two of them both dressed in black, and sporting the same hairstyle, hair pulled back into a bun. He was able to get her out of the party with very few people noticing. He put her in the car and said “hang on” before walking back to the party. He looked around and found Peter dancing with MJ and walked over to him “I have Natalia. I won’t tell May about the alcohol but you and I are going to have a chat soon. I will let May that Natalia came home to the tower and not to worry” and he left without letting Peter respond. Peter looked terrified. 

He walked back to the car and got in, and looked over to Natalia who was now fast asleep in the passenger seat and drove back to the tower carefully. As they pulled into the garage he gently nudged her awake and she roused, and looked to him. 

“Thanks for coming to get me” she slurred and before Bucky could answer her she turned and promptly threw up all over herself, his jacket and the car. 

“Shit” he said, realising that she had fallen back asleep. He walked round and opening the car door he thought to himself for a moment, before he decided he had no choice but to carry her up to the guest suites. He put his arm under her legs, and one behind her back and as gently as he could lifted her out of the car. She mumbled, as she turned her body towards his and she curled into his chest and put her arms around his neck. She was half asleep and her breathing was getting heavier as he walked with ease in to the tower. He could feel her heart beating against his chest, and was sure that his was beating louder than it ever had before. This wasn’t exactly the bonding experience he had hoped for, but her allowing him to tend to her filled his heart, Bucky was flying high on the love he felt for her. The smell of vomit was violent, but that couldn’t take away from the fact that he was carrying his baby in arms, for the first time. He entered one of the rooms and took her to the bathroom and he washed her face, and was amazed that she barely roused. He couldn’t remember what being really drunk felt like, but it was incredible how she was able to sleep through it. He gently removed her sick covered T-shirt leaving her in her jeans and vest top and carried her back to her bed. He pulled back the covers and tucked her in, his parental senses in overdrive. It was the first time she had ever spent any time alone with him, and she had been so open and relaxed with him. Even in her hour of need she had accepted him, in a way she never had before. Bucky smirked as she started to gently snore. He placed a bucket next to her bed, and walked back to the garage to begin to clean the car. Once he had finished, he headed back up to her room. He pulled his boots, and grabbed a blanket before settling into the chair in her room. He wanted to make sure she was okay, and if she needed anything he would be there. 


	10. Chapter 10

Shame hit like a brick wall as she opened her eyes, the light violating her senses. She looked down and noticed she was in a strange bed, and room. She looked around the room and saw Bucky sitting sleeping in the chair in the corner of the room, and the recollection of the night before came into full view and the embarrassment began to rise throughout her body. She had been doing shots, and this super cute guy thought it was really cool about how she was able to drink as much. He had been flirting with her all night and then he’d asked her to dance, which was so exciting until he leant in to kiss her and she threw up. The noise from the other party goers had been deafening and she had run to the bathroom and tried to call Steve, but Bucky was the one who answered. She felt her cheeks burn red as she remembered throwing up in his car and how he had had to carry her. She swung her legs out, knocking the bin over, causing Bucky to jump awake and stand up “Natalia!” he called out making her to flinch at the volume of her name being called out. He assessed the room before noticing they were alone and that she looked upset. 

“Thank you Bucky” she said softly as screwed her eyes up. Her head was pounding. He pointed to the side of her and she saw a glass of water and painkillers which she took gratefully. He stood up and walked to the door, “I washed your shirt” pointing to the edge of the bed. He knew she was safe and now in the cold sober light she would go back to avoiding him, so to save the heartbreak of her rejecting him he wanted to give her the space she clearly craved from him. She took a deep breath and said “Bucky, can we get breakfast”? His hand froze on the doorknob, and he turned back, “Of course we can Natalia. I’ll be downstairs when you’re ready”. He closed the door and felt the flood of emotion that had been building from the night before and walking down the hallway he released every single tear. She had not rejected him, in the sober morning she still wanted to be around him. 

——————–

The two of them sat in silence both staring at the coffee cups now in front of them. Bucky has taken her to a small café which had been his favourite when he first moved back from Wakanda. It was near to the tower and was always quiet, perfect for a recovering Bucky. She picked up her cup and slowly drained it of coffee. She had already wolfed down a huge breakfast. Nothing like a hangover to give you hunger. She hadn’t spoken to him since asking to go for breakfast, only nodding when he asked her any questions. He was desperately trying to think of conversation topics, but as she ate he thought there was not much point in trying to strike up a conversation so had instead put his concentration on his cup of coffee. 

“About last night” she started, and he looked up at her. He was so shy around her, careful not to say or do the wrong thing. The progress they had made in 24 hours was greater than the last four weeks and he did not want to go back to one word answers. 

“Please don’t tell Steve. He will be so mad” she finished and put her cup down. 

“Natalia” he was not sure of what to say next. He wanted to ask her about the alcohol, about the party and why she had been in the state she had been. He wanted her to talk to him but knew it was too much to expect. Before he could continue she started to explain “I don’t normally drink so much, I was just so nervous around everyone. It is just so different from home” he nodded and tried to talk but she stopped him again “Thank you for coming to get me last night. I wouldn’t have expected you to after how I have behaved” her head dropping down, she couldn’t look him in the eyes. She had been so dismissive of him for a month, and when she needed help he had been there and had really taken care of her. She felt softer towards him, he had held her and carried her to safety. He didn’t yell when she threw up, he hadn’t told her off for drinking or being reckless even thought she knew she deserved it. 

His mouth opened slightly. He stared at her in disbelief, this was the first real conversation they had ever had and Steve was not there to buffer or support. The weekly coffees with Steve and Natalia had always been the two of them talking, and Bucky engaging in conversation with an encouraging nod or sounds in agreement. Sometimes Steve would directly ask Bucky a question, and it was usually then that Natalia would check her phone. Steve would give him a comforting knee squeeze under the table every time this would happen. Bucky tried to ask her questions about the books he had finished, and she would reply but the conversation would lull until Steve would save the day and started the conversation up again. 

“She loved you, you know” she said almost in a whisper, and picked up the coffee cup and took another mouthful, looking away as she was not sure that he had heard her. 

It was his turn to watch the room spin. This entire conversation had Bucky mind in overdrive. He stared at her, willing for words to form in his mind but he was drawing a blank. 

She decided to continue what she had started “My Mum, she told me how in love the two of you were and that she left because of your work” she scoffed and sarcastically quipped “You were an assassin, of course it was a problem” 

His body tensed. She had never mentioned you. The word love repeated over and over in his mind. He felt his heartbeat in his ears, he realised his breathing was loud, shallow and fast. He closed his eyes and gently shook his head, almost as if to disagree. Natalia didn’t notice the subtle movement, but she did notice that his hands holding his coffee cup began to shake. Anxiety filled his chest. His urge was to run, he needed Steve. He needed air. He could feel a panic attack starting, deep in his chest. 

In love, his mind repeated in love over and over again. The years of Winter were filled with blank points. He remembered some things but largely it was fragmented, and broken, which is often how he would describe how he was feeling. Broken and fragmented. Steve worked hard to look after him, and shield him from hurt and pain but this was something Steve couldn’t help with. At the suggestion of his therapist he had begun to write down the memories he had, good, bad and evil. No matter what happened, he had to write them down. He had flashes of memories, they flashed like still photos in his mind. They always seemed to be mid-mission or time spent with the Red Room. There was never any sense that he had been anything but a pawn for Hydra, he was a machine. Natalia had used the word love. They had been in love. The Winter Soldier had been in love. He had fathered a child. Someone had loved him when he was a monster and he had no recollection. The time that had been stolen from him by Hydra hurt even more with the prospect that he could have had a life, a life with love. Hydra had stolen this from him. He was locked in to his thoughts. He barely even noticed Natalia watching him. 

“Sorry” she said looking at his reaction. “I shouldn’t have said that” she pushed her chair back and stood up, getting ready to run out of the café. Bucky looked up to her and his concern for her calmed him instantly. He was scaring her and needed to be the strong one. 

“Natalia. Please sit down. I’m sorry.” he said breathing through the anxiety. 

She cautiously sat back down and he signalled to the wait staff for more coffee. Both cups were refilled and he took a deep breath. “Natalia, would you tell me more about your mother?” 

She poured an unhealthy amount of sugar into the cup, and began to stir slowly, her mind racing. She knew she shouldn’t have mentioned your. You had been clear with her that she was not to discuss anything to do with you with them and up until now she had managed it, but it had slipped out in a moment of weakness. 

“She’s my best friend. It has always just been the two of us. I’ve never been apart from her for more than 2 days. I miss her” she said not looking up from the coffee cup. He was trying to take in this new information and not freak out but right now, without Steve at his side he did not know what to do. 

“Just the two of you?” He asked cautiously. He wanted to know if there was another man in your life that had managed to live the life he wishes he had had. 

“Just the two of us. Always has been. She just works all the time. The only family member is Uri who I rarely see.” 

Bucky could feel the tears burning his eyes as he desperately tried not to cry in front of her. She never looked up from the coffee cup, stirring it for no reason. 

He looked up, and he reached out to take her hand. He wanted his eyes to say all the words he couldn’t find to tell her how much the last 24 hours had meant to him but she moved both hands off of the table sending him a clear message, she wasn’t ready yet. Bucky’s phone began to ring, and the tension was broken. 

“Natalia and I are having breakfast…. Yea… we’re close by… back in 10” and he hung up. “That was Steve, we are needed back at the Tower” He stood up and she stood up too. He picked up his jacket and walked over to pay for breakfast. 

—————-

“Natalia Winter you have 10 seconds to explain yourself” Steve said as she walked in with Bucky. She looked to Bucky, and he looked at her willing her to believe he had not told Steve. 

“I didn’t” he said looking to her. 

He looked to Steve who looked furious. The minute Steve had barked at her, she stood her ground, arms folded and a face like thunder. Steve was instantly reminded of the teenager he had met that month ago in the interrogation room. 

“Now Natalia” he said sternly. He stepped forward, arms by his side and the parental energy radiating from him. She looked to Bucky as he started “Steve, it’s fine. She’s ok.” moving to stand in front of her. 

“I’ll speak to you later Bucky.” and with that he knew that Steve was boss now, Bucky shuffled back to his original spot and paused for a moment before striding forward and squaring up to him. 

“Steve. Stop” 

“Buck. You are on probation. You think breaking laws is ok when your daughter is behaving so irresponsibly. Dammit Buck, I have been on the phone all day with the police. You were caught doing 100 in a residential area. You could have killed someone.” 

Bucky’s head dropped. He looked to Natalia and he deflated, Steve turned his attention to Natalia who was avoiding looking at both men. She hadn’t thought of the trouble he could be in for coming to save her. 

“I don’t know what you’re talking..” but Steve interrupted “F.R.I.D.A.Y and the police alerted me to Bucky’s activities last night. I called May and she told me what happened. Drinking?!?. What on earth were you thinking Natalia” he stepped even closer to her and she was fighting back tears. He continued to berate her for what seemed like hours. How could she be so irresponsible, and stupid. She could have died, and how much trouble Bucky could have been in had something happened last night. Bucky stood by and allowed Steve to discipline her. 

“Steve, I had one too many to drink. It was a party. I was trying to have fun! You think I like being stuck here?” she cried out as she tried to defend her behaviour. 

“I didn’t want Bucky to get in trouble.” she sobbed out further, looking over to him. He wanted to step in and help but all he could think about was his irresponsible behaviour. 

“I don’t know what you think your behaviour is going to achieve young lady. How could you be so selfish” all of a sudden something inside her snapped. She hadn’t been selfish, she had been having some fun at a party. Steve was making this in to a much bigger deal. Bucky hadn’t been mad and the number of times you had picked her up after a party and didn’t behave like this. Who did Steve think he was shouting at her. 

“YOU ARE NOT MY FATHER” she shouted, pushing him with all her might before running out of the room. Steve fell back against the wall and it shook. Steve looked to Bucky and they were both stunned into silence. 

“What the hell was that!” Bucky shouted out moving over to Steve. He was torn between running to check on Natalia, or to help Steve. He opted for Steve first as he had been pushed back with a force that no 15 year old girl could or should be able to do. They exchanged looks, and both knew that there was something super about Natalia. Bucky looked to Steve, and Steve nodded. Bucky ran after her, calling out her name but was stopped by the slamming of the bedroom door. Steve pulled out his phone, exhaling he said “Fury. We have another Natalia situation” 

————

Your phone rang and you looked up from her desk. You saw a familiar name and hit the green button. 

“Fury” you greeted your boss in the usual way. 

“Y/N.” was all you got back. 

“What do I owe the pleasure sir” you smiled as he laughed down the phone. 

“Just thought you would like your daily Natty update verbally. She went to a party last night. Got drunk and Sergeant Barnes had to go and pick her up” 

“Of course she did.” you rolled your eyes. Natty was trouble when it came to parties. She liked to drink high sugar alcohol drinks and didn’t care what state she got in to. You had lost count of the number of times you picked her up and she was in a state. Telling her off was pointless. She would just kick off and for an easier life you wanted to make sure she was always safe. 

“Y/N, I think it is time maybe you come back.” he said softer than usual. Your mind raced. You had vowed not to go back, you were the Director of the European operations and this was everything you had ever wanted. A life with Natty, and a job you loved. 

“Fury, I can’t” the panic beginning to rise in your throat. 

“Y/N. I need you to come to New York.” but you interrupted him before he could continue. “Fury you promised. This was the deal. Natty and I could live in England, and I would never have to come back.” you could hear the bargaining in your voice. 

“That was before” he replied and did not let you interrupt again “Don’t make me order you to return. It appears that Natty has some enhanced abilities and I need you here.” 

The ground dropped beneath you. You had hoped that this wouldn’t be the case. 

“I’m on the next flight out there.” and you hung up. You grabbed your belongings and left your office calling out to your assistant on your way out. “I am going to New York, can you arrange it and send me the details” 

You needed to head home and grab a bag and think about what clothes to pack, what kind of outfit should you wear to meet the father of your child that you had not seen in 15 years. 


	11. Chapter 11

You found yourself sitting opposite Fury in his office. You both sat in silence waiting for Natty to arrive. You played with your hands. You knew he was in the building, you could sense it. You knew you had some explaining to do but Fury had promised to be with you side by side, just like he had been since you told him you were pregnant. You vividly remember the call you received from Fury when he told you they had been able to identity The Winter Soldier, name and location. You had been an integral part of the team to capture him when he was suspected of bombing the UN building. You had desperately tried to stop the shoot to kill order, instead opting for the prison which had not gone well, and he had taken out a small number of agents in the process of breaking out. You had spent months defending your decision, never mentioning that you had a shared past, and a daughter. You looked around his office, surprised at how little had changed in the 15 years since you had sat in his office, cradling a baby Natty in your arms begging for a new life. You stood up and walked over to the wall of photos inspecting them, you smirked when you saw your own face reflected back, hidden in plain sight. The three of you were standing outside the Tower of London with Natty, who couldn’t have been more than 5, on Fury’s shoulders and your smile sparkling as you laughed. You had just received a promotion and Fury had come over to celebrate. Natty had dragged you both around the Tower of London and demanded ice cream for lunch and dinner. 

“I can’t believe you have this up here” you say to him, not turning away from the photo. 

“I think of that day when I have ice cream for dinner” he replied with a hint of sarcasm in his voice. He never has ice cream for dinner. 

“It was a good day.” You say, your smile dropping. Everything was different now, it had been since the UN bombing. For years the identity of the Winter Soldier had been unknown but the whisper of his presence within the intelligence community was one of fear. You never feared him. He wasn’t the monster that everyone said he was. Since his identity was made public, two years had passed and all of a sudden rehabilitation had happened, the hearing and of course all was forgiven. Fury and you had talked for hours, days even about what to do with Natty. He argued that she had a right to know Sergeant Barnes, you argued that didn’t mean he had a right to know her. When Natty has started testing your patience by getting in trouble, and especially when it involved the police, somewhere for her to go away from London had seemed more appealing so you had finally given in to Fury but only after every assurance that her safety would be the number one priority. He had help facilitate her arrival at Stark tower, including his feigned ignorance. You had both agreed it was for the best that they did not know either of your involvement unless there was an emergency. You had made the decision not to go back, you didn’t want to see him or have anything to do with him, but Natty had the right to. The knock at the door pulled you from your thoughts and Fury announced “enter” 

It all happened so quickly. The squeal of a teenage girl can cause more damage to ear drums than explosions. Natty ran over to Fury and threw her arms around him and he pulled her into a comforting hug. She pulled back and stared up at him.

“Uncle Fury! You work here?!” She exclaimed. 

“What, no Uri?” he joked, until suddenly his mood change. “Your Mum and I have been keeping some secrets” he nodded over to you and she spun around to see you standing there. You didn’t know what she was going to do next. Would she be upset at you for the last month, the lies or the truth that she was about to hear. 

“MUMMY” she screamed and threw herself at you, and you staggered backwards a bit as the teenager threw herself again you, emotions had overcome her and she was sobbing freely. 

“I… don’t… understand”.

“Sit down Natty darling. We have some explaining to do” she indicated for sit down and she stared up at you. 

“Darling, I need you to listen. I need you not to interrupt me, there is a lot I need to tell you. Uri will fill in the blanks where he can” Natty nodded in agreement and you began. 

—————

_Sixteen years ago._

_He held you in his arms, softly stroking your hair as you lay sleeping. He knew he shouldn’t be here, he would be in trouble if they caught him here, but it was so hard to leave you. He took in your features, tracing his flesh hand over your face, your cheeks, you nose and dipped down and lightly kissed your soft lips. You gently roused and whispered his name so gently “winter?”_

_He smiled as you woke more fully, and you sat up, moving to kiss him more deeply. Your heart was full of love. You knew this was forbidden, you knew it was not part of the plan but you didn’t care. You pulled back from him “if they catch you in here, they will wipe you.”_

_He stroked your cheek, his other hand in you hair and whispered “let them.”_

_You fell back into a passionate embrace which was only interrupted by the sound of footsteps which could only have been made heavy soviet issues boots._

_“I.. have.. to” he started kissing you lips, cheeks and finally your forehead. He stood up and left the room, closing the door quietly behind him. You lay awake staring at the ceiling and the hours before played back in your mind. The way his hands felt on your body, the way he made your body feel like it was on fire. The hours you spent there in your room where the most important to you in your young life. You had been undercover for 6 months, and for 5 of those months you had stolen moments with the Winter Soldier. The mission was simple. Infiltrate the Red Room as an instructor, learn all you can and get out. Your proficiency at Russian and hand to hand combat had seen you chosen for this mission and you excelled. What you had not anticipated was falling in love with a fellow… instructor, for want of a better word. The mission was due to be 7 months long, you were due for extraction in 3 weeks, 2 days and 7 hours. You counted down the days in your head. Your whole mind was conflicted. You didn’t see him as evil, you understood more about him than most. In those stolen moments you saw the person behind the conditioning. There were flashes of humanity behind his eyes, brief but loving._

_The whole affair had started after a training session, you were instructing the women in your signature move, flipping men with only using your thighs. Something that that one student in particular had mastered instantly. He had come to your room later. He wanted you to show him, so he could train to get out of the hold. You had taken him down in front of a room of students and he didn’t want that happening again. That was the start of the bond between you two, and it was only a matter of time before it turned physical. Both of you finding solace in brief moments of passion, lust turned to love and you began to find yourself worried about extraction. You didn’t want to leave him._

_You lay awake that night, filled with unease. You sensed that something wasn’t right. You were right._

_Extraction moved up. 6 hours._

_The message came through from your handler and your mind raced. You needed more time. You needed him. Throwing all caution to the wind you ran to his room and banged on the door. He threw it open with the familiar snarl, softening instantly when he saw you. You pushed him into the room, and on to the bed. If this was goodbye you were going to make it count. You wanted to ensure he remembered you, even if he was wiped again._

——————-

The meeting with you and Fury had been better than you had expected. You had expected her to smash the office updue to her anger at you hiding a huge part of your life, and in turn her. She was entitled to be angry at you, but she had silently listened to you explain that you were involved in the intelligence community, and that years before you had been undercover and fallen in love with the Winter Soldier. She scoffed, and pulled faces throughout but it was when you announced that she had to return with Steve and Bucky to the compound and that you would follow shortly she lost it. She shouted and screamed at you. 

How could you leave her again. 

How could you make her go back when you had finally come to get her. 

Oh. You hadn’t come to bring her back. 

How could you want her to stay here and not with you. 

It hit you like a brick wall. The idea that you would leave her broke your heart. You had to travel separately to the compound because you had plans to work out with Fury and it made sense for her to go with her father. She did not see why she couldn’t stay with you. She punched the wall on her way out screaming “FINE” and slamming the door. The room shook, and both you and Fury looked at the sizeable dent in the brick wall. You took your seat, sighed and looked to him before nodding your head. “You have parental consent. Do what you need to” 

———

Natalia silent on the car journey back to the compound. Similarly Steve stoically silent and Bucky, feeling the tension, was nervously silent. Natalia had barely said two words to Steve since the argument and was furious that they were travelling back to the compound. Furious and silent. She slammed everything she could before leaving the Tower, the cup of coffee on the kitchen counter, bedroom doors and finally the car door. She sat sulking in the backseat until she drifted off. 

Bucky looked behind him to see her curled up, her head against the window fast asleep with a book open on her lap resting precariously. One pot hole and it would’ve fallen off. He leaned back and gently picked up the book, and folded down the corner for her. He glanced at the cover to see it was Persuasion written by Jane Austen and began to read the back of it. He flipped through it, it wasn’t that thick a book and made a mental note to add to his notepad. The copy she had was worn and clearly well read. Natalia had made notes in the margins, and even included drawings of little hearts toward the back pages. 

“Do you want to talk about it?” Steve asked cautiously, checking the status of the sleeping Natalia in the back seat. 

“Maybe later” he replied dejected. 

—————————-

Bucky found himself wandering the corridors of the compound looking for a distraction from the weekend. Natalia was now in her room, and refusing to talk to anyone but Natasha who wasn’t back from a mission. So after trying to persuade her to come out of her room for dinner he had left a plate outside her door. She had only said two words to Steve and him, both of which were “ok”. He wandered aimlessly when he had things on his mind, what had started as quiet weekend had quickly become more hopeful and then ended in silence. Monday hang round his neck like a weight. She had missed a day of teaching and Bucky felt that he was back at square one with her. She had looked so angry at the two of them as she threw her bag in the car before sliding in and slamming the door behind her. She clearly hadn’t used the hour long car journey to calm down as before running to her room she merely grunted an “ok” to Bucky when told her dinner would be in an hour. As he continued walking he found himself wandering down past offices and conference rooms. The corridor was dimly lit with the offices in total blackout. The sun had set hours ago and he enjoyed being in the low light. 

It happened all of a sudden. Bucky’s senses were alive. His body tensed as a fog drifted over him clouding his mind. The feeling of sickness rose in his stomach. He reached out to steady himself but threw himself against the wall as fear began to rise throughout him. He felt the cold beads of sweat pouring down his face. His mind was hazy, voices started all around him. He spun round looking for the bodies making the noise but he was alone. Flashes of colour appeared before his eyes, mismatched sounds echoing in his ears. He pulled his phone out and tried to call Steve. All he could focus on was that scent. He knew it. He could hear Steve saying his name from the phone trying to get his attention but failing and Bucky couldn’t respond. He felt the hair on the back of his neck spike and it was as if he felt a touch on his arm, but no one was there. The scent was controlling him. He was full of emotion, indescribable to him. The scent was overpowering him. His legs felt like lead, his whole body unable to move. He knew that scent. He felt a hand on his shoulder and he spun round to see Steve. His put his hands on Bucky’s shoulders and he locked eyes with him. Telling him to breath. He was grounding him. Bucky slowly came back to him, and centred himself. 

“Buck.” Steve said staring into his eyes until Bucky focused and locked eyes with him. 

“I know that scent” he whispered. 

Steve looked up and down the corridor trying to identify the source of the flowery smell. He saw a light at the end of the corridor, in Fury’s office. 

“Hang on” Steve said, nodding to Bucky and jogging down the corridor. He did not notice Bucky walking slowly behind him, sulking down the corridor trying to piece together the voices he heard in his mind. He knocked on the door, entering when commanded to. Bucky followed Steve in to the office. 

The scent was overwhelming. Bucky stood by the door and his eyes roamed over the room. He watched as Fury and you both stood up from the desk. Steve walking forward and greeted you with a friendly nod, “Director Winter, how’s Europe”. Before you could reply, the sound of Bucky’s back hitting the bookcase caused the three of you to turn around. 

He knew you. The fragments of memories, and voices he had just heard started to come into full view. 

“Sergeant Barnes” Fury began “I would like you to meet Director Winter, head of European Operations” he paused as Steve stared at Bucky. You looked to the ground. It was hard to look directly at him. 

“And Natty’s mother” Fury finished. 

Steve spun round to Fury. He stared at him, and back to you. It was not often that Captain America was stunned into silence. Bucky stood still against the bookcase taking in the sight of you, trying to continue to link the fragments. You looked to Fury, desperate for him to say something. 

“I don’t understand” Steve stuttered out walking over to Bucky and placing his hand on his shoulder. He could see Bucky was desperately trying to process this information. Your arms were wrapped around your body holding yourself. You could sense the tension in the room, it could be cut with a knife. 

“Captain Rogers” you started, and turned to Bucky “Sergeant Barnes. I am not here to cause trouble” 

“Trouble… TROUBLE?!” Steve shouted, the reality hitting as he turned to Fury “YOU KNEW ALL THIS TIME?! She’s the DIRECTOR OF EUROPEAN OPERATIONS?!” He shouted back. Fury put his hand up to stop him but Steve was dancing on the spot with frustration. How could Fury keep this from him. 

You tried again. Stepping forward you put your hands up, a sign of surrender. “This is not how I wanted this to happen. He did this for me. I told him not to say a thing.” 

Steve was pacing the room. You paused, hoping that Fury would speak but a voice as quiet as a whisper came from Bucky before anyone else could speak. 

“Zasha” 

You turned to face him. He had tears in his eyes and he repeated himself “Zasha” and you slowly raised your eyes to meet his. “Winter” you whispered in return. He looked to you, and then back at Steve and ran from the room leaving you standing there with tears pouring down your face. 


	12. Chapter 12

There was a soft knock at her door, followed by the voice of Captain Rogers, her name gently sung from his lips “Natasha”. She put the report she was reading down and walked over to the door, finding Steve standing in front of her. He looked a mess. His hair a mess, no doubt from anxiously running his hands through it a nervous tick he had. She studied his face, his eyes red from holding back tears and his shoulders high and tense. They sat unnaturally high, his body looked rigid.

“Steve, what’s wrong” she said puzzled, before panic hit her “is Natty ok?!” Natasha’s mind playing a game of what could have happened to bring him to her door in this state. 

“It’s Bucky. I need you” he said, fighting back the urge to fall into her arms, and seek solace from her. Steve and Natasha had a routine. After particularly rough days they could crawl into each other’s arms and hold each other. The problems of the world seemed so far away. Their friendship was complicated and based on the pure unconditional love they had for each other. Natasha had stroked his hair, and held him as he cried after Bucky went to Wakanda. It was hard for him to express his emotions, so he did it in the safety of her room.

“Soldier?” She said panic hitting her in a different way, she looked around to locate all of the multiple weapons she had stashed in the room. 

“No. Just come” he said holding out his hand, she took it and he walked her to their floor not saying a word. He opened the door to Bucky’s room, it was dark except for a lamp which was giving the room a golden hue. She looked around, and Steve nodded his head in the direction of the corner. She looked over and saw Bucky sitting on the floor, his knees being clutched in to his chest. He was rocking back and forth. She looked to Steve and his eyes closed as he looked away. She moved slowly over to him, not wanting to spook him. The closer she got, she realised the tears were pouring down his face. She dropped to her knees, and sat on her heels in front of him. She cautiously put her hands on his knees and he looked up at her. She turned to Steve and asked “how long has he been like this?”

“All night” Steve quietly said. She turned back to Bucky and tried to get his attention. 

“Buc…” she started, but cut her off “zasha” 

Her head moved quickly back, and looking to Steve. She closed her eyes and her head shook. She had been right. 

“Bucky. What about Zasha?” She said softly. Trying not to give too much away to Steve. Her mind racing at the mention of your name. 

“She’s here.” He sobbed. His head on his knees. His body rocking, his knees touching gently on Natasha’s hands. She tried to settle him. Natasha and Bucky had a special bond, one that neither of them really talked about. 

“Nat, who is Zasha?” Steve asked. Natasha’s head turned to Steve, as she gently rubbed Bucky’s knee, trying to get him to stop his body rocking. 

“She was an instructor in the Red Room… when we were both there,” she explained. She tried to avoid Steve’s eyes, Natasha had never confirmed that she and Bucky had a shared history. They had secret conversations, whispered secrets. Steve had always suspected and now it was clear that Fury had known. Natasha did not like to talk much about her past. 

“She’s S.H.I.E.L.D” Steve replied making a mental note to talk to Natasha later, he had questions that he wanted answers to. 

Natasha’s head spun to stare at Steve. Her mind clouded with thoughts. She had been like a big sister to her in the Red Room. Natasha had met her when she was 15. The same age as Natty. You had looked after her, gave her extra secret tuition when she struggled in class. Natasha had come to you time and time again, for the love and support she desperately craved. When she disappeared, it had been announced that she had died in a training exercise gone wrong and Natasha had vowed to make you proud and find you. She had always suspected that you had escaped. But S.H.I.E.L.D?! This was more than she could compute. But Bucky needed her now. 

She turned back to Bucky and just stared at him. Her eyes boring into his, willing for all the words she didn’t have to pour from her eyes into his. He pulled his attention from her and she pulled in to a hold. His head on her chest, heaving as he took shallow breaths between sobs. Steve stared at the two former assassins, unsure of what to do. Natasha stroked his hair and hummed a tune, unfamiliar to Steve. Bucky’s chest began to slow, his breath returning to normal. He used his sleeves to wipe the tears from his face. 

“Buck” she said softly. He looked at her eyes, the tears were fighting back from rolling down her cheek. Her heart breaking for him. They had talked many times about different memories he had. She had been able to give him clarity for some of the flashes, his time spent training the other winter soldiers alongside widows in the Red Room. She had never mentioned you. He never mentioned you. She didn’t want to risk further damage by talking about you. He had made such amazing progress since moving into the Compound. Mentioning you could have caused him to take a step back and no one wanted that, least of all Steve. 

“Tell me your memory” she said stroking his hair. He softened into her hold. Steve at this point was crouched down in front of them both, watching intently. 

“I think I loved her,” he whispered. She nodded, and he continued “she’s in my arms. I am holding her as she sleeps. I think I loved her” 

“She and I are in the training room. She is disarming me. Widows are trying on each other. She…. she winks at me. Natalia, I can remember her scent…. her smile. I loved her” he buried his face back into her chest and the sobbing began again. 

“Steve, I am going to need to call his therapist. I need you to take over. I need to find Zasha” she indicated, still stroking his hair. A wet patch appearing on her clothing as he cried. Steve pulled his phone out, and stepped out of the room. 

“Bucky. Steve is calling Dr Ali, he will help” she spoke and he nodded that he understood. 

“I am going to see Zasha” she said. 

“You knew her?” He asked, and Natasha had a decision to make. Lie or tell the truth. The truth always comes out, and she knew she couldn’t lie to him. Not now. 

“I did. Or I thought I did” she smiled grimly. Working for S.H.I.E.L.D? Her mentor was a spy. The irony. 

“Did you know?” He whispered at her, his eyes staring into hers. The question was simple, but the weight behind it was unspoken. Again she had a decision to make. Lie or tell the truth. What else could she do but tell the truth. 

“I suspected Buck. The two of you were closer than close. She looks like her” 

Bucky sniffled, and stared at her. 

“Why didn’t you tell me?” 

“I thought she was dead. One day she was gone. I had hoped she wasn’t” She spoke softly, terrified of making it worse. 

“Did I love her?” His eyes pleaded with hers. 

“I really think you did Bucky. She loved you. That was obvious. The looks you would give each other….. you… “ she paused and looked at the shell of the man she knew to be one of her oldest friends and decided to continue “they wiped you after she left. You disappeared too. I thought they had killed her. Then Natty turns up and she looks so like her, so like you. I knew it had to be Zasha. She called her daughter Natalia. I suspected more then. But that’s all I know, Buck… if I had known more I would have told you.” 

Steve entered the room, and walked over to the two. He crouched down and lifts Bucky up as if he was picking up a feather. He placed him on his bed and turned to Natasha “Dr Ali is on his way. I’ve got it from here” he kissed her on the cheek “thank you Nat. I appreciate it” she smiled at Steve and turned to Bucky. “I am going to see Zasha. Listen to Steve, and Dr Ali and I will see you tomorrow” she kissed his forehead and his face crumpled again, more tears pouring down his face. 

—————————-

Fury had planned your introduction to the team. Team conference, introductions and questions. That had been destroyed by Bucky and Steve finding you in Fury’s office in the Compound. The meeting went as well as it could, Bucky had run out of the room, Steve immediately after leaving you and Fury to state at each other. 

You lay awake in strange bed. Fury had tried to fight you on driving back to New York but you had insisted. No matter how many times he told you there was plenty of room you knew there was no way you could be in the same space as him. Staring at the ceiling of the bedroom you replayed over and over in your mind the way he had whispered “Zasha” with the hint of a Russian accent, different you were sure from his thick New York accent. No one had called you that in 15 years. Hearing him say it caused your knees and your resolve both to weaken. You were transported back to in his arms, the way he would stroke your hair and whisper your name as he wake you. The difference between Soldat and Winter was intimacy. You had watched him kill a man, and then walk to you and stroke your cheek whispering how much he couldn’t wait for you to be in his arms. Unconventional love story but yours nonetheless. 

You were overcome with emotion. When you arrived to the hotel you had ordered a bottle of wine, and run a bath. Lying in the bath drinking the wine straight from the bottle you had cried. Starting with a solitary tear, a small sob before the floodgates opened and you were ugly crying. Your whole body convulsing with each sob. You did not know why you felt this way. You had continued to pour the wine down your throat, feeling wave after wave of emotion washing over you again and again. Each time you thought you had control over your emotions, your face would crumple and the sob would begin again. You had a decision to make, order a second bottle or go to sleep. Sleep had won, and you had made your way to bed. Your hair still wet, dressed in a T-shirt you curled up in the blankets and willed sleep to take you. It did not. 

You had been awake for what seemed hours. Your phone lighting up frequently and you ignored it. The gentle buzz started. Your whole body ached. Your movements were slowed down by the night of sleeplessness. 

You had emails, messages and notifications. The phone began to buzz again and you saw a voicemail had been left, hitting play and speaker you walked over to the small coffee maker on the side board. Nick Fury’s voice was projected into the room.

“Natasha knows. She’s on her way to you” 

Shit. 

You threw on some clothes, and began to pack your bag in haste. You were not ready to face her. You pulled your bag on your shoulder and opened the bedroom door but found yourself face to face with the Black Widow. She grabbed your throat and pushed you into the room. She greeted you in Russian, but with her hand around your throat your brain wouldn’t allow you to translate. Your head was spinning. She was going to kill you. Your hands grasped at her, desperately trying to get some leverage to remove her hand tightening around you. 

“Speak English Natalia” you managed to gasp out. She pushed you on to the floor. You tried to reach your phone, but she kicked it away. 

“Going somewhere?” She sneered at you. Your senses seemed to kick in. You pulled yourself up and reached for your gun attached to your thigh by a holster, and pointed it directly at her face. She speed of the movement caught Natasha off guard. 

“Natalia, I can explain” you said as she pulled her gun on you. You circled each other and you began to explain. 

“ I never wanted this! I never wanted to come back. I could have hidden Natty from you all for her entire life. But I couldn’t do that to her” 

Natasha let out a scathing laugh. Her gun still pointed directly at your head. Yours pointing at her heart. 

“Natalia. I am sorry!” You cried out. “I am going to lower my gun” you said as you slowly moved your hand down. Natasha laughed and her gun didn’t move. 

“How could you do this. How could do this to him. How could you do this to me” she said, tears welling in her eyes. You tried to take a step forward, you needed to defuse the situation. 

“YOU LEFT ME” she cried out and at that moment of weakness you moved with the precision of spy 15 years younger and disarmed her. You had her on the floor, face first, your knee in the back of her chest with her wrists bound by your hands. 

“Natalia, I need you to calm down. I had to leave you. I couldn’t bring you with me.” Natasha fought you, but you were stronger. You had trained her. 

“I was her age. I was a kid and you left me” she cried as she fought with all her might to free herself from your hold. 

“Natalia. Stop now.” You gave her the familiar order and she did. She lay limp in your arms and you stood up. She lay on the floor face down. Contemplating her next move. 

“Natalia, listen to me. I had no choice. I couldn’t risk taking you with me. They would have killed us both.You wouldn’t have wanted to come with me.”

She sat up “you missed my graduation day” she said with a sick smile, her memory replaying the flashes of the corridor in her mind, tears pouring down Natasha’s face. 

“Natalia I had to leave. It was a mission. They would have killed Winter and myself. 

“His name is Bucky and they wiped him when you left.” 

Tears were pouring down your face, and hers. She stood up and picked her gun up where it had dropped. Placed it in its conceal holster. 

“We’re done here” and Natasha left. 

———-

Natty sat alone in the kitchen. She was eating a particularly sad looking bowl of cereal. No one had shown up for lunch yet and she was not confident on working the contraption they called an oven. She wasn’t overly confident in making any food, other than a bowl of cereal. She hadn’t had her smoothie that morning and there was a pang in her heart when she opened the fridge and there wasn’t her favourite breakfast treat. She had tried to make one herself but after forgetting to put the lid on properly she had been late for Mr Sharpe because she had cleaned up the mess in the kitchen. It was almost two, and no one had appeared. Tony was in New York, Sam, off seeing family, same as Clint. Wanda and Vision were having a week away together, that just left Natasha, Steve and Bucky. 

“Hey F.R.I.D.A.Y. Where is Natasha?” She called out to no one in particular. The AI responded “Natasha is in New York” 

“How about Steve or Bucky?” 

“They are both in Sergeant Barnes’s room” 

She thought to herself for a moment. She hadn’t spoken more than two words in the last 24 hours to them, but the need for more sustenance than cereal was getting strong. She was concerned that she had not seen them since the car journey the day before. There had been a plate of food outside her room that night, and she had inhaled it after she knew the coast was clear of both Steve and Bucky. She had been annoyed at you, not really with them. She had taken it out on them though. You had told her that all of her life she had lived in a protective bubble, one of Uri and her making. All of her business trips for her complicated Tech job had been lies as you were in truth an American spy. You had this whole life that she didn’t know about. She had never really understood why you was always so cautious about her going and meeting friends, sleepovers were a struggle to get permission for. You seemed to chill when she turned 14, and she had taken every advantage. Parties, alcohol, boys. She pushed the bowl of cereal away from her and decided to walk down to their floor. She knew how to make it up to Bucky, and maybe Steve and she had the afternoon off from lessons. 

“Bucky you need to talk to her!” She heard Steve’s voice through the door. 

“How can I? I want nothing to do with her” came the reply. 

She knocked on Bucky’s bedroom door, and Steve answered. He looked terrible. His hair a mess, his eyes red and the saddest of smiles stretched across his mouth. 

“Natty. Now is not a good time” he whispered to her, blocking the door with his broad body. She craned around his body to see what was going on. 

“Is Bucky here?” She asked, a tone of worry in her voice. Steve was acting suspiciously. She was scared for the next words from his mouth. She needed to make it up to Bucky. 

“Natty, it’s not a good time” he almost repeated himself. 

“Natalia?” A voice called from behind Steve. He turned round and after nodding he opened the door. Bucky was sitting up in bed, on top of the covers fully dressed. He looked equally as rough. His hair pulled back from his face, his eyes red and his face blotchy from crying. She walked towards the bed and began to cry. Emotion overtook her, like it did most days. Being a teenager is hard. 

“I… so… sorry Bucky” she sobbed out. 

He was puzzled, he looked at Steve who was equally puzzled. 

“Natalia, what do you have to be sorry about” Bucky asked sitting up for fully. 

“This weekend….. I am sorry I upset you. Don’t be upset at me. Please. I want to make it up to you. Please” she cried out further. Bucky moved slowly, his body was aching from the last 14 hours. She had sat on the edge of his bed, he climbed off and dropped to his knees in front of her. 

“Natalia. I am not upset with you” he said.

She sniffed. “You’re not? But… but you have been crying. I can tell. I heard you tell Steve you don’t want anything to do with me” she sniffled out again and began to cry noisily. 

He looked to Steve. His heart breaking in this moment. She had assumed because they both had been crying, it must be because she had sulked in the car on the way back, and then to hear them arguing about you, thinking it was her was heart wrenching. 

“Natalia, I wasn’t talking about you.” He reached out and stroked her hair and she allowed it. She softened in to his touch. 

“Natty.. we were talking about your Mother” 

“She’s here?” she said looking up into Bucky’s face. He continued to stroke her hair and she placed her head on his chest. 

“She was.” Steve said, and Natalia relaxed into the hold that Bucky had her in. No one said a word. The tension in the room was rife, and Steve wanted to break the tension but did not know what to say, or do. 

“Bucky.” she said softly, and he stopped stroking her hair and he looked down at her. 

“I want to say sorry for the weekend. Do you want to watch Lord of the Rings with me?”

For the first time in 24 hours he felt joy wash over him. A shy smile reached across his face, and he nodded. She jumped up from his hold and beamed a smile at both of the super soldiers. 

“I’ll go get it set up” and she bounded out of the room. 

Bucky held his head in his hands. The emotional rollercoaster of having a daughter was starting to take its toll on him, but the thought of spending hours with Natalia, watching her favourite film with her. 

“You ok?” Steve said as Bucky stood up. He nodded and wandered down to the living room. Walking in he discovered she had been busy in the last 5 minutes, and had created a pillow fort. She looked up to him, a massive bowl of popcorn in her hands and she patted the cushion next to hers. He took the seat, and she offered him some popcorn before hitting play. 

“I’m excited to see this Natalia” he said to her, taking some popcorn. She turned to look at him. She felt safe with him. He had never lied to her, or misled her. He had always been honest with her, unlike you. 

She put her head on his shoulder and turned to him. “Hey Bucky. Can you call me Natty?”

“Of course Natty” he whispered. His heart sure it would burst for the love he felt for her. 


	13. Chapter 13

“Natty, we’ve been through this.” Bucky huffed as he looked down at Natty who was now sitting on the floor in front of him. She scoffed at him. He ran his hand over his forehead and exhaled. They had been at this for weeks and she was getting there slowly. 

“It’s left, left, right, left.” he said again, repeating the movements in front of her. She rolled her eyes, as she stood up and pulled her hands up in front of her mouth. She was getting sick of practice. Bucky lifted his hands up, his punch pads ready for her to try again.

“Natty. Ready?” He said, bracing himself. 

She took a deep breath and centred herself. She looked him dead in the eyes and hit the pads perfectly. 

“Again!” he said, not dropping the pads, he started to circle her, and she continued to hit the pads perfectly. 

“Perfect! Ok, try and get a punch past me. I am going to take off the pads. I am going to try and catch your punches.” 

She nodded, and the two of them reset. He took his pads off his hands, and she tried to punch his hands. With each punch he caught she became more frustrated. He caught each punch, and she was getting more and more frustrated. Her punches were getting sloppier and she huffed with each punch that he caught. He laughed as she was trying to get a punch past him but he anticipated each move that she made. He was circling her, she matched every movement. It was a dance they had done many times. She loved spending time with him in the gym, teaching her how to defend herself. He blocked one of her punches with a bit too much strength behind it and she fell backwards to the ground. 

“DAD! No super strength” she called out, as her ass hit the mat. Bucky’s eyes widening as he realised he had used a bit too much strength with her. She laughed as he threw his hand out to help her up. “I’m sorry!” he said pulling her into a hug. Everytime she called him Dad, he felt his body beam with pride. It had started with him calling her Natty, and then now? Dad. 

It had been weeks since you had your flying visit to New York. Natty had decided she wanted to stay with Bucky more permanently, something that had hurt when she first told you, but you had to respect her decision. Natty and Bucky spent every minute they could together. It helped that he was still on desk duty, and that studying with Mr Sharpe was usually over by 4pm leaving Bucky and Natty hours together before family dinner. Natty had a list of films he just had to watch. The problem was that he spent more time watching her watching the films. He loved spending time with her, being in her presence. He was learning to be a better man by having her in his life. Yes, was she a nightmare sometimes when she made a fuss about her homework and how she was desperate to go and hang out with Peter again. It would be a long time before she was trusted to be at another high school party. The two of them had fallen into a comfortable pattern together. He was learning how to be a parent, to a particularly strong willed teenager. She could be rude when challenged, and then, she could be the sweetest when she would appear with a cup of tea for him as an apology for when she been rude to him. He didn’t like tea, but he drank every cup she made him. She showed true interest in him, she wanted to know everything about him, and he was getting stronger at telling her his stories. Very few winter soldier stories made them in, but he promised when the time was right he would tell her. 

The opening and closing of the gym door pulled both their attention “Hey Natty, Bucky” Steve said walking in to the gym, and the two of them looked over to him. “So, I hear that someone is turning 16 next week,” he said, and she laughed. 

“Yea” she said walking over and grabbing a bottle of water which she took a generous mouthful of. Bucky looked to Steve, a glint in his eye. If Steve had told him six months ago the life he could and would have he wouldn’t have thought it was possible. 

“What would you like to do to celebrate?” Steve asked, a small notepad in his hand. He wanted to make sure he got every request down. She looked at the two of them, she had a glint in her eye, beaming smile across her face she knew exactly what she wanted to do.

“I want a weekend in New York” 

Bucky looked to Steve, and exchanged a cautious look. 

“Last time that didn’t really go to plan Natty” Steve explained, and Natty’s smile dropped a little. 

“I want to see New York. I want to see your New York, Dad” she said turning to Bucky smiling at him. 

Steve felt butterflies in his stomach every time he heard her called Bucky, Dad. He had watched the two of them bond, an unbreakable bond. Bucky’s eyes almost sparkled when Natty called him Dad, the love he holds for his baby was insurmountable. 

Bucky smirked at her, and Steve. 

“If that is what Natty wants, Natty gets” and he pulled her into a hug. “There’s so much to show you!”

“Ugh Dad you’re so sweaty” she pulled back laughing. “Can we start planning over dinner tonight!” She finished. Bucky nodded and she walked over and picked up her phone. 

“Ughhhhhhhh. Mum’s been calling” she rolled her eyes towards the men, and grabbing her stuff she put her headphones in and hit call back. 

The two men watched as she became more and more animated in discussion. 

“No, Mum it’s fine…… because I don’t want to….. Mum. Don’t. Please. Hang on” she turned to the men, and pulled an earbud out. “Can I go to my room? Are we finished?” Bucky nodded and she walked out of the gym, Bucky heard her shout “Stop it Mum. I know…. I know.. so important” 

Bucky refused to speak to you. He would speak to Steve. Steve would speak to Fury. Fury to you. It was all getting a little ridiculous. As it was coming up to the summer you had allowed Natty to spend the summer in America. The two of you had had a heated exchange all those weeks ago, about her coming back with you. Natty was conflicted, she on one hand wanted to come home to London but when it actually came to it she wanted to spend more time with Bucky. Although that had hurt, as much as you wanted her to have a relationship with him you couldn’t help but be racked with jealousy at how she was letting him into her life, and how she was relying on him. So you allowed her to stay for the summer. You checked in as often as you could, and Fury kept you updated. She had only ever had you, and now she had the two parents and with each animated phone call she talked about him, one day even calling him Dad. That had been a stab to your heart. You wanted desperately to be ok with it but shit, it hurt. You had never been jealous of anyone having Natty’s attention and affection but now? The idea of her moving her life to America, having a life that you couldn’t really be part of had your head spinning. After the initial meeting with Bucky, he had refused to be in the same room as you, so after making all the plans for Natty that you needed to with Fury, and a somewhat pissed off Captain Rogers you had left. You threw yourself in to work. Work was a welcome distraction. You spent time with Elizabeth, your consistent friend with wine. You trained, you ever redecorated your bedroom. Anything to keep your mind active, it had almost been 6 months since you had put her on that plane. It was her birthday next week. You wanted to be with her, so you told her you would be in New York next week and how you had plans for them two of them, she was less than enthusiastic, telling you that her Dad was taking her to New York. Shit that hurt. You explained that she could spend time with both, and that you expect her to be ready for your visit. She agreed with a grunt in a way that only teenagers do. 

Whether you liked it or not you were going to have to try and fix things with Winter, for Natalia’s sake. 

———————————-

Fear crept up his neck, he could feel his pulse quicken. He was hyper aware, on edge. Ready for action. This mission was unlike anything Bucky had ever experienced and he was sure Winter had never done anything like this. The noise filled his head, he could barely think. It was dark, too dark.e The surroundings were busy, and he stood uncomfortably, assessing the situation. This environment was so unknown, he looked for a clean exit, but it was so dark and loud that identifying an exit was not possible. There was dark corners, obstructions in front of him. He was not happy to be on this mission, he was definitely out of his comfort zone and skill set. 

“DAD!” She shouted towards him, and he looked to her, her arms filled with clothes. He stood there awkwardly, his hands overburdened with shopping bags, not remotely paying attention to his daughter attempting to buy the entire shop. He walked over to her, and looked at the items she had decided she wanted. Definitely his daughter he thought, nothing but black or grey fabric in her arms. 

“Are you sure you don’t want to buy the whole store?” He asked, her arms overburdened. Tony as a present to Natty had handed her his card, and told her to go shopping. This is how Bucky found himself on the hardest mission yet encountered, shopping with a teenage girl. Why did they have to play the music so loudly. Didn’t they know how this would affect him and his super soldier hearing. Also, why are all shops either so dark with a single spot light highlighting an item, or so brightly lit blinding him. She walked him to the cash register, and emptied her arms onto the counter. The assistant started processing the items, and folded them neatly. Bucky stared at the clothes, and then at the balance going up, and up. Thankfully this was on Tony. 

“Natalia. No.” He said noticing a sheer black shirt that the assistant had just folded. His eyes had blown wide when he saw it. 

“Absolutely not” he turned to the assistant and she looked at Natty who was pouting at this point.

“Dad! It’s the fashion. Isn’t it!?!” She said turning to the assistant for help, who shrugged in agreement. Natty looked at him and whispered to him “Dad. please don’t be so embarrassing. Mum would let me” 

He huffed and nodded, and the assistant put it in the bag. This was a conversation he would have to resume after speaking to Natasha for advice. 

“Natty, what time are you seeing your Mum?” he asked as he loaded up his arms with another bag. Natty rolled her eyes and huffed “For coffee in a few hours, and then we have dinner right?” Bucky nodded, he and Steve had planned a special family dinner later for her. 

The walked down the street heading towards another shop she had claimed would be the last one. Bucky knew he needed to warn her about dinner. Steve thought it would be a good idea. He had not. After disagreements, Bucky had finally agreed that Fury would invite you. He didn’t know if you would turn up. Steve had managed to persuade him to allow you to come, the thought of you alone in New York, and without your daughter on her birthday was too much for him. 

“You Mum is invited to dinner tonight.” he said, Natty stopped walking, Bucky halted too. She looked at him, trying to read his face. Natty knew not to talk much about you in front of him. He usually pulled a face when Natty mentioned you. Steve had suggested delicately to Natty that she not to bring up the subject of you in front of him. So, for Bucky to bring it up the subject of her mother caused her concern. She chewed her lip and quietly asked “why is she coming?” she knew how uncomfortable this would be for him. 

“Because it’s your birthday.” he smiled at her. 

“Are you sure it’s ok that she’s there?” and he nodded a reply to her. She threw her arms around his neck and knocking the bags from his hands he wrapped her into a hug. 

“Thanks Dad.” 


	14. Chapter 14

You pulled at the skirt of your body tight dress. The invitation had said dress to impress Natty. So here you are, wearing a black dress, black stiletto heels with your hair and make up simple. You knew that you had to make an effort, and ashamedly you wanted to impress the team. The dress was a little tighter than you had imagined and you definitely looked impressive, perhaps a little too impressive for a family meal as Steve had put it. He was clear in his invitation that if you caused any trouble he would have you out of there in a blink of an eye, Bucky and Natty were his priorities, Bucky first, then Natty. If either of them had an issue with your presence you were out of there. You didn’t want to cause a scene, it was the last thing you wanted. You just wanted to spend time with your daughter on her birthday. You did not know how he was going to react to you but the coffee with Natty had been lovely. She had raved about all the fun she had been having with him, and how much she was like him. It hurt. It hurt more than you would ever admit. She had asked you not to talk to Bucky, or Natasha. You hated the thought of being given the instructions but if this is what it meant to be able to be with her then you would do it. You didn’t really know what you would say to either of them, they had both made it clear they did not want to talk to you. 

You found yourself in a waiting area in Stark tower. The nerves were getting the better of you. Waiting for Steve to come and get you, and take you to the party. The room was mostly glass, glass walls, doors, and furniture other than the black couch you found yourself sitting on. It seemed excessive. There was a ding as the elevator doors opened to your right. Standing in front of you wasn’t Captain Rogers, but in fact the one and only Iron man. 

“Well, well, well Director Winter” he stood, with his arms open wide and you stood up. You smirked at him, of course he is here. Tony is dressed in a sharp suit, as always. He is definitely dressed to impress. 

“Well haven’t we been the little secret keeper” he said, embracing you, kissing you on each cheek. You relaxed a little, you knew you have a friend in Tony, and by the greeting you knew he was not going to give you a hard time. 

“Tony” you answer him with a smile across your face as he wiggles his eyebrows at you. “Hiding in plain sight the whole time. I should have known Fury was involved when I couldn’t hack Natalia’s phone. You smirked. 

You had met Tony many times, usually with Fury, and sometimes in situation rooms. He was always pleasant when he saw you, and was always a tiny bit flirty. 

“I wasn’t hiding. Just no one asked” you said with a sly smile forming on your lips. He held his arm out as an invitation for you to take it. and you slide your arm in to his, and he walked you into the elevator. 

“Ready for this?” he asked, looking at you and you shook your head. “Yea, who wants to be at a dinner party with an ex who was a brain washed assassin, who wouldnt be ready” 

“Remember, Natty wants you there, and I want you there too. The others don’t matter. This is for Natty and I am sure the soldier will behave. If not, I am there” he finished with a gentle pat of your hand as the doors opened, and you are greeted with the noise of many people talking. The elevators opened in to an open space, soft music playing in the background, a group of people in the middle of the room, drinks in hand. You look over to the left of the room and you saw a long table set for dinner. You recognised Natty, Bucky on her right handside talking animatedly to Natasha, Steve and a cute teenage boy. Tony coughed, and they looked round. Natty was dressed in a long black dress, her hair straightened and shiny for maybe the first time in a long time. She was sparkling. You looked to her and you were filled with a sense of pride, your baby girl all grown up. 

“Look who I found downstairs” Tony said, walking over to the bar and pouring two drinks. He walked back over and handed you a drink as the group stared at you. Natty walked over and grabbed your hand, dragging you over to the teenage boy. You didn’t miss Natasha and Bucky walking off, back to the bar. Steve stood strong, his shoulders squaring off at you. 

“Peter! Meet my Mum, Y/N. She works for S.H.I.E.L.D” Natty beamed with pride. It had taken time, but she had come round to the fact that it was apparently cool that you were a spy, not a spy you reminded her but she didn’t listen. You managed spies, you did very little mission wise these days, perks of being a director. 

You walked over to the young boy wearing a suit, who looked worried to be meeting you. Not entirely sure why, he father was at one point the most feared assassin. 

“Nice to meet you Mrs.. I mean Miss.. I mean… Ma’am” he stuttered out, not entirely sure how to greet you. You smiled and took his outstretched hand and shook it gently. 

“Hello Peter, it is lovely to meet you. I hope you and Natty haven’t been getting into too much trouble” he looked away, and you knew the two of them have definitely been getting into trouble. Best not to ask when it comes to teenagers. 

“Nothing illegal” he spluttered out, and you give him a wink, as Natty dragged you over to meet the others. 

“Mum, come meet everyone else,” she said as she dragged you over to meet Clint, Sam, Wanda and Vision. Everyone was polite, lovely in fact. You wanted to relax but you could be sure his eyes were burning into the back of your head. He was watching you. Your arm around Natty’s shoulders, she was beaming at your side. Jealousy was pouring through his veins, anger that you had hidden this from him all this time and frustration that he still couldn’t remember you. You appeared as flashes and feelings, your name always on the tip of his tongue. Flashes of you came to him at night, in his dreams. His body and mind were conflicted when it came to you. Your scent was all consuming, his was overcome with the emotions associated with love for you. He was so disconnected with his mind when his body reacted in this way. He didn’t know you, but his body told him he loved you. He buried it deep down. 

“Dinner is ready, can everyone take their seats” F.R.I.D.A.Y called out, and Natty dragged you over with her. “Mum can you sit here, and Dad can you sit here” she seated you either side of her. Steve sat opposite Bucky, Natasha opposite you. Her eyes throwing daggers at you. Tony took the seat next to you, and as he placed his glass down on the table he whispered in your ear “You look incredible by the way. Far too good for the Soldier” looking to him you smirk, he was always such a flatterer. 

The dinner was beautiful, Natty talking about all of the adventures she had been having with the team and how quiet it can be when they are all away, all except Bucky. The conversation turned on to how she normally spent her birthday, and you were able to join in and talk about the ritual you had for her birthday. She would demand ice cream for dinner, no matter how many times you tried to argue with her she always got her way. The two of you would go to the park, have ice cream for dinner and retire to the living room to watch Labyrinth. The two of you loved watching David Bowie dance. The room erupted with laughter as both you and Natty did impressions from the film. The room erupted in laughter as she just kept saying “ello’” and the memories of years gone by filled you with love for your daughter. 

You took a deep breath, it was now or never. “I just want to say to you all here, thank you for all you’ve done for Natalia” you said, to no one in particular at the table. They had created a family for her, one that you could never have expected. She was so happy, so healthy and it was something that you had to admit to yourself brought you happiness and sadness at the same time. She loved being here. She beamed in a way that you had not seen for a really long time. This was going to hurt, but it was the best for her. 

“You are welcome” Steve said, not looking up. “Natty is family.” The tension in the room was papitable. No one said a word. 

“I appreciate all you have done for her. I want you to know that” you said, directing your words at Bucky. He looked up, and avoided your eyes. No one moved at the table. You could have heard a pin drop. The diners watching this in apprehension, no one quite sure what was going to happen. He nodded. You placed you hand on Natty’s and you continued “I am sure she’s really going to miss you all” Bucky’s eyes shot up at yours. Steve stood up, the sound of his chair hitting the floor given the force he stood up. Tony’s eyes shot to Steve, his face stern. He was ready to protect you from the super soldiers. 

“What do you mean” Steve said, Bucky now staring at you, and she looked to Natty who was looking down at her plate. 

“Natalia is coming home with me at the end of the week.” you said matter of factly, you looked at her. She hadn’t told them. Shit.

“Like hell she is” Steve said, walking towards you. You prepared for a fight. You knew you had one on your hands. 

“Captain Rogers, I understand you are upset. But Natalia and I have an agreement and she is going to come home with me. She has exams this year, and she needs to be at home with me.” 

Sam looked to the others and gave them the nod, and quickly a number of them stood up. Sam looked to Tony who just stared simply “I’m not going anywhere. Not without Y/N, and Natty” this left Tony, Steve, Natasha, Bucky, Natty and yourself in the room. 

“Does she get a say in this?!” Natasha asked, realising that Natty was just staring at the table. Bucky was speechless, his head spinning at the thought of losing her.. He had only just got to know his baby girl, enjoying the feeling of being a father and having a family again. The two of them finally had a good thing going and you were sweeping in and stealing her away again. 

You took a deep breath. “Captain Rogers, she is my daughter. I know what is best for her”

“She’s my daughter too” Bucky whispered and Steve looked to him. He repeated himself, this time louder. Your eyes closed, and you shook your head. No. he was not about to play this card with you. All of the emotion from the last couple of months was finally getting the better of you. The hurt you felt every time you heard her say “Dad”, the fear that you had in your heart that one day he would try and take her away from you and now he was trying to stop you. He was going to try and take her away from you.

“Excuse me” you snapped. The anger boiled inside of you. No way was he going to do this to you. You had worked too hard to keep her safe. Bucky stood up and walked towards you, your scent making him dizzy but he fought through it. He was not going to let you get the better of him. 

By now you were on your feet. So was Bucky. He squared up to you. 

“She. is. My. daughter” he was in your face. You stood your ground. You weren’t about to back down to him. You did not know this man. You did not care what Bucky thought.

“For 6 months, she’s been mine for 16 years” you spat back at him. The anger you felt was close to the surface, you could see in his eyes that he was ready for a fight, and you would give him one. 

“AND WHO’S FAULT IS THAT?” He shouted at you, you didn’t even flinch. 

“Yours.” you replied. “Yours.” you go to push him and then you hear “MUM. DAD” called out from Natalia, who is standing wrapped in Natasha’s arms. The two of you nose to nose, ready for a fight. Natalia ran over and pushed herself in between the two of you. “Dad, please” she turned to him, and he softened in an instant. She ran to him first, you thought. It was a stab to the heart. She tried to reassure him, and she looked to you. “Mum, you said I could tell him” 

You were dumbfounded. Your flight was in 4 days and it hadn’t occurred to you that she wouldn’t have told him. You thought that was the reason for such an elaborate dinner for a 16 year old.

“Darling” you place a hand on her cheek “I didn’t think for a second he didn’t know. We leave in 4 days” 

“Zasha No. I won’t allow it. You had 16 years with her. Please don’t take her away from me” Bucky turned to you, tears filling his eyes. “Please” He is so close to your face you’re not entire sure he isn’t going to punch you, or collapse in front of you. 

Natalia did a double take. Who was Zasha. You shook your head. Tony mouthed Zasha at you, and you shook your head. 

“Mum. can I please stay.” tears were pouring down her face by now, it hurt you to see her in pain. It hurt to see him in pain too. 

“Natty. Please not in front of everyone” you whispered to her. Your heart in your mouth. 

“Mummy, please” she was now standing at Bucky’s side. Her arms wrapped around his stomach. She was holding on to him. You heart was being ripped into two watching the scene unfold in front of you. You tried to hold it together. Your daughter was pulling away from you in the way you had always known was possible but you did not realise how hard it would be to experience. She was choosing him, not you. 

“Natty. Not here. We can talk about this later” you step forward towards her, but she takes a step back, almost as if hiding behind him. 

“I want to stay with Dad.” 

You looked around the room. Steve and Natasha ready you fight you, Tony standing behind you, ready to protect. It was taking all of the power you had to not cry. You didn’t want to make this difficult for Natalia. You wanted to be the strong parent, you never wanted her to see you cry. For so long you had been her care giver, protector and disciplinarian, but now she had him and you only had yourself to blame. You had a choice to make. 

“Are you sure?” You whisper to her, worried if you spoke any louder they would hear your voice cracking with emotion. 

“Yea Mum. I want to live with Dad.” 

You could feel the walls around you crumbling. You nodded, and turned to Bucky, who now had Natty standing slightly behind him. His flesh arm up protectively across her stomach. “We can iron out the details tomorrow” and you nodded. 

“I can get you out of here, if you’d like” Tony whispered in your ear and you nodded. You needed to get out of this dress, out of this space and away from Bucky. 

“Darling, I will see you in the morning” you said as Natalia came over and gave you a big hug, your resolve not to cry was almost breaking but you stood strong. 

Tony placed a hand at your back, and led you out of the room. Your mind was racing. Your mind was swimming. The elevator doors closed and the tears rolled down your face. You knew in that moment you had lost your daughter to him.


	15. Chapter 15

You found yourself sitting in front of Fury’s desk watching him pour over files. He had not spoken in a few minutes and you were nervous. You had no idea how he was going to take your request. You had spent a sleepless night trying desperately to think about your next steps. The thought of Natty not living with you was not one that had ever crossed your mind. It had just been the two of you for so long that without her at home, it felt incomplete. It couldn’t be home if she was not there. The pang of jealousy hit you again. You hated that you were jealous. He was her father, and you so desperately wanted her to have a relationship with him but watching her choose him over you had hurt. It hurt more because of the audience. You were not prepared to have that conversation. You had nearly had a face off with Bucky. You knew you would have no issue fighting him, not when Natty was at stake. The idea that she wouldn’t want to come back to her home made you realise that you would have to make the effort. You couldn’t lose her. Fury put the file down and looked up at you. You were clearly lost in your thoughts. He cleared his throat which pulled you back into the room. The lack of sleep visible on your face. 

“Fury” you began. Your voice cracking with emotion. You had one shot at this, no pressure of course. Your fingers locked together lying on your lap. You could feel the anticipation rising in your chest. “I want to be considered for a transfer to Washington or New York” 

Fury stared at you for a moment. Trying to read you. He exhaled and turned his head slightly as he thought. Your heart was racing. Please say yes chanting over and over in your head. 

“Y/N. Is this about Barnes?” 

You shook your head immediately. Absolutely not about him. You knew that honesty with Fury was always the best option. 

“Natalia has decided to live here, and if possible I would like to be nearby. Not that I don’t love my job, I just can’t be away from her much more.” you held your emotions together. You had not realised just what impact not having Natty there was having on you. 

Fury nodded. He surveyed you again. Reading you like a book. He turned to the computer and you heard the tap, tap, tap of the keys and he hummed as he searched. He laughed and shook his head. He turned back to you, his hands now linked together placed on the wooden desk. 

“There is a role.” He said, and he paused. You didn’t know why he paused. You willed him to continue with your eyes wide. He laughed, this time a little more darkly than before. 

“I need a Director of Avengers initiative” 

“You are joking” you replied. Shocked even at the notion. The awkward laugh that left your lips hung there in the room. 

“No, I’m not. I think it would be good for you.” He said. 

“Where is it based?” You asked. The only thought in your mind, not the compound please not the compound. 

“New York. SHIELD will provide you with housing. You would work with them, not for them. You should consider it” he explained. Your mind was working double time. You would have to work with the three people who disliked you, but it would mean that you were only an hour away from her at all times. You knew what you needed to do. 

“I will need three months to pack down my life in London, that should be enough time for you to find a replacement for me.” 

“Agreed” Fury confirmed. “When do you leave?” He continued. 

“Now” you replied with very little emotion. You had decided to go back on the first flight back to London after speaking to him. You would call Natty and Steve with arrangements, you needed the space. The space of an ocean between you and Steve. 

“Y/N. Go home and get your house in order. Take two weeks leave as well” he commanded, you knew that he was caring for you in the way you needed. You didn’t need him to ask you how you were, or to empathise with you. Fury always knew how to help you. You stood up and used your strength to smile softly at him. Your eyes telling him how you truly felt. Your smile masking the pain. 

———

Natty lay on her bed, her nose buried in Return of the King. She was meant to be studying but the desire to read was more important. The problem was that FRIDAY was a snitch. 

“Sergeant Barnes would like you to join him in the kitchen” her eyes looked up at the ceiling, the disembodied voice called out and she huffed putting the book down. She set off to the kitchen. The last week or so had been weird to say the least. Boxes had arrived with more of her belongings. It was starting to sink in she lived with her Dad, and this did make her happy but there was a sense of longing to be with her mum. Bucky had pulled out all of the stops after her birthday meal had ended in tears. There had been days out exploring, and movie marathons. Training sessions and all meals together. She was craving some alone time but it was nice to spend time with him so she didn’t say anything. She had become upset when a week later her belongings arrived in boxes with just a note Love Mum. She hadn’t really spoken to you. You wanted to give her space, and told her to contact you when she was ready. She walked in to the kitchen her mind stuck in thoughts of her life in London. Bucky was standing at the counter, chopping fruit and vegetables, before piling them into a blender. She smirked. His eyes lit up when he saw her walk in and he flicked the switch on the blender. They stood in silence while the violent noise filled the room. The noise stopped and he decanted the liquid into two glasses. She recognised the smell at once. Turned out that her daily smoothie wasn’t store bought but Bucky made. Even when she was a dick to him he had made her a smoothie. Every morning. 

“You’re meant to be studying” he said taking a mouthful of his.

“Ugh FRIDAY is such a creep” she replied drinking down the beautiful drink, which almost tasted better knowing he had made it. 

“Natalia. You’re meant to be in the library. Come on you know the rules” he tried to be authoritative but he failed. His weakness was her. 

“Daaaaaad” she drew out his favourite name. She stamped her foot, jokingly but there was a bit of seriousness in the starts of a tantrum. 

“Ok, have the day off. Read. We can spend some time in the gym if you would like?” He replied. She actually did enjoy the gym with him. She was getting good at sparring, and although she knew he was letting her win every time she was starting to really get the hang of it. It was weird because she didn’t get tired, and was already quite strong. 

“Mmhmm” she said finishing her smoothie. It really was her favourite. 

“Have you spoken to your mother recently?” He asked cautiously. She shook her head. 

“Not since she shipped my stuff here.” He looked at her. 

The end of her birthday meal had been destressing to say the least. He was full of regret about how he had behaved, but he was willing to fight for Natty. He had been floored when she had asked to live with him, never expecting that she wouldn’t want to be with her mother. When you had announced that you were taking Natty back to London his body felt like he had had ice cold water dumped over his body. The last 6 months had made him happier than he would ever be able to effectively articulate. He didn’t want her to lose her relationship with her mum but selfishly he was happy to have her there, without you. He didn’t want this to be a competition. He understood that you were going to be in his life, no matter how he felt about you. Natty was the most important person in the situation. 

“Natty. Maybe you should call her? She will be missing you” she rolled her eyes at his words. 

“She packed up my stuff and shipped it to me. She’s just got rid of me. She doesn’t care. She’s not even messaged me once this week” she said with an air of nonchalance that he did not buy for a second. It was not like you not to be in constant contact with her. Steve had relayed to him how the conversation about Natty living there permanently went, not well. She had agreed to ship Natty’s belongings to the compound, and she had been frosty with him. This could have been because Steve was just as frosty with her. He was angry that all the time he had known her she had hidden the existence of Natalia. He was angry at Fury, but it was not the same. It was not his secret to share. You had wilfully deceived him and Steve held a grudge like no one could contend with. 

“Natty call your mother.” He said, this time with big parental energy and she pulled a face before pulling out her phone and scrolling to find your name. She let it ring, and ring, and ring. You didn’t answer. She pulled a face at him, you always answered your phone. One of the benefits of her mother being shield. 

“Try again” he helpfully suggested, and she did as she was told. Still no response. He was confused. Everything he knew about you contradicted the information she had given him. No messages, no calls and now you weren’t answering your phone. He was filled with a sense of unease. 

“Is there a home phone?” He asked. He was trying to keep the panic from sounding in his voice. 

“Sure” and she scrolled and hit call. This time she put the phone on speaker. He watched as his teenage daughter huffed as the phone rang with no answer. His eyes flashed. He picked up his phone and sent a message to Steve. 

_911\. Y/N_

“She must be sulking at me” Natty said, pouting. 

“Natty, can you try again please?” He asked, softly. It was so unlike you not to message Natty, or try and call. No messages and now not answering was unusual. He could sense it. The sense of unease rising through his body. He knew he had to keep his cool for the sake of his daughter. 

Steve’s response Flashed up 

_She’s on leave. What’s up. She causing trouble again?_

_She’s not answering her phone. It’s not like her._ He hit a quick response. 

“She’s just pissed I wanted to stay here” she said putting her phone down. Bucky wasn’t so sure. “Why don’t you go and chill in your room for a bit, let me know when she calls back. I want to talk to her about visits and stuff” he said and she bounded out of the room. He dialled Steve immediately “something’s not right Steve. I can feel it” 

“Fury says she hasn’t checked in, but she’s on leave so that’s not surprising,” 

Bucky mulled this over for a moment. No messages, and shipping all of Natty’s belongings filled him with a sense of dread. 

“Steve.” He said, trying in that moment to say the words he couldn’t say. He knew Steve was annoyed at you but for the sake of Natty Bucky needed Steve to understand the lines of communication needed to stay open. 

“I’ll ask Fury to do a check” 

———

A few hours later Bucky found himself in the gym, trying to take his frustrations out on a punching bag. He was angry at you. How could you just ignore your daughter and go on leave. He told himself that his concern for you was for Natty, that she was clearly upset that you hadn’t been in contact for a week. He couldn’t imagine you would be sulking, or ignoring her. The fact that Natty had not come to find him to alleviate all his concerns made him hit the punching bag harder. Tony had had reinforced punching bags installed as he was sick of Bucky and Steve breaking them. His phone rang and he stopped. He pushed the sweat from his eyes and answered. 

“There’s a problem” Steve said matter of factly. Bucky waited for him to continue. “The house has been emptied. Her electronics are all off. Fury can’t find her” 

He was filled with dread. “What do you mean Fury can’t find her. He’s the director of shield. She can’t just vanish” he shouted. 

“She has.” He replied with disdain in his voice. Bucky was overcome with concern. His stomach doing flips. What if, what if you had done something stupid. 

“STEVE. This ain’t right. Somethings wrong, she wouldn’t do this to Natty” he said, shaking his head. He knew it. Deep down in his heart he knew this was more than someone taking a holiday. 

“Buck, she’s not your problem.” Steve replied. This grudge was never ending, or so it seemed. 

“She’s the mother of my child. She is my problem. Find. Her” and he hung up. He had a thought, and set off to Natty’s room. 

He walked to Natty’s room. He had an idea and he wanted to see if he was right. He knocked on the door and she opened it. 

“Have you got your London phone?” He asked, and she nodded. When she moved in to the compound she had quickly discarded her phone instead using the fanciest one that she had been given by Steve. Stark tech was superior in every way, so she stopped using the other one. Not immediately, but slowly over time she stopped having a reason to use it. Eyeing him suspiciously she walked over to her drawer and pulled it out. She turned it on and handed it to him. There was no new messages, or calls. Maybe he had been wrong. 

Suddenly a message alert from an unknown number came through and he opened it. It was a 5 second video clip. He hit play. It was of you, staring at the camera, your face black and blue from beatings. Your hair matted with blood. Your lip busted, and you stared stoically in to the camera. You were in a grey room. A metal table in front of you, which you were handcuffed to. Judging by the colouring of the bruises you had sustained these injuries 3 to 4 days before. 

“State your name traitor” the voice said. A hand held your neck, keeping your head straight to the camera. 

“Y/N, Y/L/N” you replied, your voice defiant. You rolled your eyes. You were defiant in every movement. The hand moved away from your neck and your head lulled forward. 

His blood ran cold. He knew that room. 

“What’s up dad? Was that Mum?” She asked, as he was sure his poker face was failing him. 

“Natty. I.. need… this” he said while taking the phone. He ran out of the room and phoned Fury, and before Fury could greet him Bucky shouted. 

“Hydra has Y/N” 


	16. Chapter 16

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Flashback is in italics

His feet paced the same metre or so of the conference room.He had tried to sit, but between his knee shaking and the sense of dread pumping through his body like blood he couldn’t sit there. Steve watched him. They were waiting for Fury. There was nothing to do but wait. It had been hours since Bucky had found the video on Natty’s phone. Bucky had not slept, he had barely sat down. Steve had tried to get him to sleep, at the very least lie down, but he refused to. Instead Steve now watched as Bucky gave in to his stress and was beginning to deteriorate. After speaking with Fury, Steve had stepped up to make dinner, and Bucky had managed to hold it together in front of Natty to at least protect her from the secret they both kept. She was quite happy to spend time in her room with her book, and she was none the wiser. Steve has watched Bucky try and sit down and watch TV, read a book and finally lie down. There was nothing to distract him from his concern for you. Steve suggested a run, but Bucky wanted to be there to moment Fury walked in. Steve’s body was craving sleep. It was 2am and Natasha walked in with coffee for the two men and pulling back a chair she set them on the table and sat down. She turned to Steve, both of them now watching him. He would pace a few steps, turn around and pace back. He was running his hand through his hair, and exhaling loudly. Their eyes darted back and forth as he paced in front of them. He was clearly in his thoughts, his mind racing. Occasionally he would mouth a word, and shake his head as if he was riding himself of the thought. 

“How long has he been like this?” Natasha leant over and whispered in Steve’s ear. He looked at his watch, and turned to her “all night” He reached out for his cup of coffee and took a long drink, surveying his best friend. Bucky was in distress, but there was nothing Steve could do but be there for when he crumbled, which he will. Steve knew how to look after his best friend, and he knew sooner rather than later he was going to need to hold him. But, until then he watched. Bucky was stronger than he knew. He was holding it together well. He was not about to give in to his anxieties. He was ready for action. He was ready to fight. He had been on probation too long. He was spoiling for a fight. He could feel the rage building inside of him. He had to do something, anything. 

“Bucky '' Natasha spoke softly “come and get your coffee, sit down and wait for Fury '' as she held his coffee out for him. He looked towards her, he hadn’t even realised she had come in. His mind was elsewhere. He was trying to think where they could have taken her, running through his recovered memories for anything that could be of use to Fury but the image of you beaten kept flashing in his mind. He knew the routine. He knew exactly how they would have beaten you, and he knew what was next. He needed to get you back to safety. After he had called Fury the speed in which everyone jumped in to action was incredible. He had left Natty in her room, he had successfully managed to persuade her that everything was fine and he just needed to have her phone upgraded which she believed, she had no reason not to trust him. Steve has found him, and pulled him in to a hug which he pushed back from. He didn’t need comfort. He need action. He needed Fury to tell him where the mission was, he needed to save you, for Natty’s sake. 

“Come on Buck. Sit down” Steve spoke and it pulled him out of his thoughts. He looked at the two of them. Their faces filled with concern. He hated that they were worried about him. He hated that he caused stress to those he loved. He chose to accept the coffee and sit down, for their sake. His head naturally fell down and he stared at the coffee cup. He allowed himself for that moment to go back in to his thoughts. Flashes of you across his mind. There you were. You came to him in dreams. He wasn’t sure if the dreams were recovered memories or his vivid imagination playing tricks on him. He laid in bed most nights, and when sleep finally would take him his dreams would be so vivid as if, almost you are there. The dream is always the same. You both lay there, in a tiny metal frame bed, your head and hands on his bare chest. The room is cold, grey and damp. Your fingers danced over the join of metal and flesh, soothing him. His flesh arm wrapped around you pulling you in close. His fingers gently tracing the same pattern against your skin. The warmth from his body warming you. He knows these stolen moments, in the past and in his dreams are precious to him. Your eyes sparkle as they look up to him, and brushes the hair out of her eyes. In his dream he is sure he can smell you. The scent is overpowering in his mind. He knows at this moment that he loved her. The all consuming, all powerful love. She purrs Winter to him, and leans up to kiss him, and that is when he wakes, every time he dreams of you. He feels an ache in his heart when he realises it was another dream. He is alone in his bed, he gently touches his lips, it is almost as if he can feel yours there the dream is always so vivid.

He is daydreaming. He knew it. The flashes of moments with you become frequent and uncontrollable. He doesn’t want to think of you. He doesn’t know you, but his heart tells him otherwise. Steve’s voice rouses him from a particularly good memory of your laughter as his stubble tickled your neck. He looked around and noticed that Fury had joined them. He was setting up his presentation, Agent Hill helping him. 

“What we know so far” fury started pressing a button and there projected on the screen was a still from the video sent to Natty’s phone. Natasha gasped, and on the big screen the damage to you is much clearer. You had taken a beating to the face, and there was a gash along your forehead, dark red blood matted in to your hair. Both of your eyes were black, blue and swollen, your lip busted, and dried blood on your chip. Your clothes tore, and dirty. You were handcuffed to the table with a chain visible from your hands to your throat where a metal cuff held you in place. The man holding your neck, and head up was dressed in dark green, the insignia of HYDRA visible on his chest. He was wearing black leather gloves and this time the gun to your head was obvious. So obvious Bucky was annoyed that he hadn’t seen it the first 100 times he had watched the video. You were a mess, and had clearly been there for a few days if not more. Steve looked at Bucky, whose eyes were flitting between the screen and the table. His hair hung down past his eyes, and he struggled to examine the photo in front of him. Fury hit play and the cold voice “state your name traitor” with an indescribable accent. Natasha and Steve watched the short clip. Natasha’s hand over her mouth. The defiant look in your eyes was weirdly a comfort to Bucky. Fury played it again, and then when it finished he left the still on the screen. 

“We believe she was taken 5 days ago.” 

Fuck. She has survived 5 days of this. Bucky thought to himself. 

“The video is dated two days ago, and we are unsure of the situation” fury continued. 

“How can you not know the situation?” Steve said, assertively. Fury’s eye flicked over to him, and he placed one hand on the table in front of him, leaning in to it. 

“Well Captain Rogers, we don’t know where she is being held yet. We don’t know what they want or why they have targeted Director Winter” 

Bucky flinched at the use of your title. It has not escaped his, or anyone else’s notice that she had taken the surname Winter when you resurfaced all those years ago. 

“What could they possibly want with her?” Natasha asked, staring at the screen. 

“Me” the voice, barely over a whisper and all eyes darted to Bucky. 

“They want me. They are never going to stop” he said, no emotion in his voice. 

“Whatever you’re thinking, stop that now '' Steve said. The power in his voice caused tension in the room. Bucky opened his mouth to reply but Fury cut across him. 

“Sergeant Barnes is right, or well it is what our intel is telling us. They don’t know that Natty exists but somehow they have found the connection you two had, and that she’s not dead as the Red Room had believed.” 

“What else do we know, Fury?” Natasha asked. 

“They took her from her house. She was in the middle of packing to relocate, and there is a sign of a struggle. It was not obvious at first, but it’s there. I imagine she is being held somewhere in England as there have been no planes leaving. Where she is we don’t know. There is no ransom. They want us to know they have her” 

“Relocate?” Natasha asked. Fury looked to Agent Hill, and back to the three Avengers sitting in front of him. 

“She was due to move to New York.” Fury answered. Bucky looked to Fury for a moment before his head dropped again. Steve had seen the look and he couldn’t quite place the emotion Bucky was feeling.

Bucky’s head was in his hands. Steve just stared at Fury. Natasha was now sitting next to Bucky her hand gently rubbing his back. His head hung there, his hands rubbing his forehead. Steve watched him, and without looking away he asked “Fury, what’s the plan?” 

Fury looked to Agent Hill, “SHIELD are on it. 

“What do I tell Natty?” Bucky’s head lifted up and he posed the question to the room. Natasha’s hand stopped running up and down his back, and Steve coughed. “Don’t say anything,” Fury answered.

“What do you mean, don't say anything. She’s going to have questions when we all leave” he stated in response. Steve bit his lip and looked to Fury. There was no plan for them to get involved in this. Fury had made that clear that this was not something the Avengers would be responding. 

“Buck, we’re not” Steve said as gently as he could, but before Steve even finished his sentence Bucky’s head had darted up to Fury, his metal hand slammed on the table and the coffee cups shook. Steve’s head pulled gently to the side as he tried again “Buck… she’s not our responsibility. Natty is, she isn’t” 

“That’s cold, Steve” Natasha answered. 

“Sergeant Barnes. I can assure you we are doing everything to get her back. The best thing we can do is leave it to my operatives and we’ll have her home soon.” Fury ordered. There was a softness to his voice, but it provide no comfort to Bucky. 

“I will keep you all updated” Fury said packing everything up, and giving the nod to Agent Hill to leave and with that he left the room. The silence hung there. Natasha had resumed the slow and gently hand movements up and down Bucky’s back. He was silent, lost in his thoughts. Steve’s heart was breaking in front of him. Bucky had so much pain, and there was nothing that he could do to ease it. He wanted to pull him in to his arms and hold him tight, allow him the release of tears he was so clearly tried to hold on to. Natasha looked to Steve and mouthed “what do we do?”. Steve was chewing his lip. The thoughts raced through his mind. Seeing the video magnified had been almost too much for him to handle. Perhaps he had been too hard on you, he certainly didn’t want any harm to come to you, he just wanted to protect Bucky. You hadn’t looked scared, you were a fighter clearly. Steve allowed his thoughts to take over, and Natasha waved her free hand to get his attention. 

“What do we do?” She mouthed again, and pulled a grimace. She needed to do something. Her heart was breaking seeing that video. She had wanted to hate you but in that moment the still came up, she was transformed back to that teenage girl who had come to your room late at night to cry, and you had held her and told her everything was going to be ok. A lie that you told her frequently, a lie she needed to be told. You were like the old sister she had never had. Someone to look out for her, even if it was only for 6 months. 

Steve’s voice cracked as he started “Buck '' and he looked up, their blue eyes connecting instantly. Bucky’s eyes were filled with tears. He was definitely holding strong. “I think it is time to get some sleep” Bucky shook his head. 

“I need to do something Steve '' Bucky replied, emotion filled his voice. Natasha looked to Steve and they both shared the same pained expression, one filled with pity and love at the same time. 

“Bucky, babe, you need to sleep. You will be of no use to Natty if you don’t.” Natasha spoke softly, and with the mention of Natty he gave a slow and soft nod. 

“Yea? Come on, let’s get some sleep” she said standing up and he took the hand she offered him. Steve followed them out of the conference room and in silence they walked to his room. She sat him on the bed and bent down to take off his shoes. The adrenaline in his body had worn off, being told that he was to stand down had deflated any sense of action he had. He felt useless. There was nothing he could do, he was useless. He was only good for paperwork, and he had never felt so out of place. He was spiralling and his two friends could see it. Lifting each boot off of his feet he was barely responsive to her touch. She looked at Steve and they agreed without saying a word. Natasha removed his belt, undoing his jeans and pulled his jumper off of his body. He lifted his arms up as she tugged, he didn’t say a word. Steve pulled the covers back, and he stepped out of his jeans and crawled in to bed. Steve didn’t know what to do to pull him back from this. Steve kicked his shoes off, and pulled his jumper off too. He climbed on the bed and sat up against the pillow. He pulled Bucky in to his arms. Bucky places his head against the chest of his best friend and there he released the tears, the pent up rage in form of hopelessness. Steve’s shirt was covered in the tears of frustration Bucky felt. Natasha walked over and kissed Bucky on the forehead, and Steve’s cheek before leaving the room. Steve lay there with Bucky’s body shaking against his for hours. There had been many nights that Steve lay in Bucky’s bed with him, holding him, comforting him usually after nightmares. In the last few months Bucky had been able to sleep alone, he didn’t need to be in Steve’s arms. Bucky held on to Steve’s body, tight. Steve held him tight until he felt Bucky’s breathing regulate and his grip on Steve softened. He looked down and saw that Bucky had cried himself to sleep. Steve’s heart was full of love for his best friend, his brother. He placed his head back, and closed his eyes, willing sleep to take him too. 

  
  
  


He couldn’t sleep. He turned and saw Steve fast asleep next to him. He swung his legs to the end of the bed and his feet touched the floor, gently. He didn’t want any movement to wake Steve. He wandered over to the adjoining room, his lounge and took a seat at his desk. Checking over his shoulder for Steve he opened the laptop and the bright screen illuminated the room. He didn’t need Steve telling him he shouldn’t be doing this. Steve didn’t understand and he was sure he wouldn’t be able to verbalise why he was so concerned. His stomach churned, he had barely been able to eat since he has seen that video. His concern for you had become all consuming. Steve had finally got him to sleep, but only by employing the fail safe hold that he used after his nightmares. Steve was his home, and his connection to his old life. He didn’t want to admit that he resented Steve, a little. He had always looked after him, their entire formative years he had been the one looking after Steve not now, now he was the damaged one who needed the bigger, stronger man there to protect him. He couldn’t ever tell him this, that’s why he told Dr Ali, his therapist who reminded him that it’s ok to need people, and that man can look after another man. The social conditioning of his upbringing was harder than the HYDRA brainwashing. 

He searched his files for the one he needed to watch again, the one of you. He was torturing himself by watching it again, but after you visited his dreams that evening he had to watch it again. He needed to check something. He looked around the desk and found the headphones, plugging them in he pulled them over his head. He loaded the file and clicked play. There was something about the look in your eye that he could quite place. He watched it. He stared at your hands. Your wrists were cuffed, but he noticed that your fingers were moving. He had been so distracted by the defiant look in your eyes that he had never noticed the subtle movement of your fingers. He slowed the video down and looking for a piece of paper he was poised to write the message out. The moment he saw the movements a memory took over his mind in a flash. 

  
  


_ “So you always know I am thinking about you” he said tapping his finger on her back. She stood next to him and watched his movements carefully. She watched the pattern.  _

_ “This means tonight. Yours” and he tapped softly. She gave him her full attention. She repeated the pattern and he nodded. He looked around to ensure they were alone, and there he moved a strand of hair out of your eyes, tenderly tucking it behind your ear. He leant down and kissed your lips with the tenderness of lovers.  _

_“What about when I need to come to you?” she asked, and he flexed his fingers in a different pattern. She did the same as before and repeated it, and he kissed the top of her head. This secret language became the way they communicated. They had an entire language created in finger movements and tapping. They knew what they were doing was forbidden, and she was putting the entire mission at risk by this secret love, but she had no choice. He had her heart, body and soul_. 

  
  
  
  
  


He felt as though his heart had stop. He watched her fingers move. His eyes wide at the realisation that she was sending a message only he would know. He slowed the tape right down and he wrote out her message on the piece of paper. He stared at it for a moment before running out the door. He knew what he had to do. 

  
  


Steve woke up to an empty bed. His neck stiff from sleeping a little upright. He had expected to feel Bucky’s body weight on his chest, it’s normally how he would wake after a night of comforting him from nightmares. The space next to him was cold to touch which meant only one thing. Bucky had left the bed a while ago. An instant sense of dread began to rise in his body. He called out to Bucky but there was no reply. His voice hiding the panic he felt. Bucky wouldn’t be that stupid surely. He looked around the bedroom for a sign that he was here. His shoes and jeans lay next to the bed. He opened the wardrobe and there was all his workout clothing just hanging, sadly. He began to investigate with a sense of panic now fully taking over his body. He checked the bathroom, the bedroom and there was no sign of him. His phone was gone, and before calling out for Friday he pulled his phone out of his pocket and saw a message from Bucky which made his blood run cold. 

I know where she is. Keep Natty safe. 

  
  
  
  
  



	17. Chapter 17

He was already in his combat suit and so was she. They both stood waiting for their orders. They dared not look at each other. They were only holding it together, their overwhelming concern for Bucky threatening to bubble to the surface. They stood in front of Fury’s desk. In silence. Fury surveyed them. Arguably his two greatest weapons against Hydra, Captain America and the Black Widow. Fury was conflicted. He wanted to be furious with Barnes for going after Hydra alone, but at the same time he wanted you home safe and he didn’t care how that happened. No, he was furious at Barnes. Was it too much to ask that Barnes had given his team the intel? Or at least Steve! He could have had a strike team ready to go in and get her but now he had spent the morning tracking the jet that Barnes had stolen, and then put in stealth mode. He was going to have to answer for putting that jet in stealth mode. Tony has already had an earful because how Barnes was able to just fly a jet with no training was inconceivable, that was until Tony explained that F.R.I.D.A.Y did most of the work. Using the intel they had of possible hydra bases there were two that he could have been heading towards. Barnes taking off like this meant there were going to be questions. Questions he did not want to answer. He had not been removed from probation, had he lied about how much he remembers from his previous life, was he a doubt Agent? Fury didn’t know, at this moment he didn’t care he knew he needed you home. Steve’s shoulders were high and held back, full of tension. Natasha rarely stood at attention, this was a rare occasion. They both stared straight ahead. When Fury finally spoke they both looked to him, their faces failing to hide their concern. 

“Georgia” Fury stated and pulled out a file. He handed it to Steve who flicked through the pages. “The state?” Steve asked and Natasha answered “the country” Natasha stared at Fury, her eyes wide with surprise. 

“I thought you said she hadn’t been taken out of England?” She asked and Fury shook his head. 

“Evidence would suggest otherwise. We cannot find proof of a plane leaving, that doesn’t mean they didn’t leave. Barnes seems to think he knows where he is going and unhelpfully he put the jet in stealth mode so we can’t track him. He has also deactivated his tracking device.”

Steve’s eyes shot up. Had he just heard Fury right? Tracker. 

“What?” He asked, looking to Fury for an explanation, immediately. 

Fury exhaled. “Captain Rogers, do you think that we wouldn’t put a tracker in the Winter Soldier? You only see Bucky, your brother in arms. We are want to only see Bucky Barnes but the Winter Soldier? He’s a constant concern. A threat. This was a compromise and a condition of his probation. Turning it off, or disabling it was not. He has some questions to answer, if and when he returns” Natasha rolled her eyes at the mention of “if”, he was going to return, she would make damn sure of it. 

“We are going to try a few more tests and checks. Tony is working on remotely enabling the tracking device in Barnes’s arm, but until then I don’t know what to tell you. We don’t know where either Barnes or Director Winter are. Stand down for now. Once we know I will give you orders.” Fury finished and the two guests awkwardly stood there, not sure if they were being dismissed. Natasha looked at Steve, “what do we do with Natty? She is going to need to be told something” 

“I have that handled. Y/N doesn’t have a family. She does however have Elizabeth, her friend. Agent Hill is bringing her in. Natty is coming to see me after you two. Elizabeth should be on hand once I have told her” Fury stated. 

“What are you going to tell her?” Natasha asked, cautiously looking at Steve. Natty had been so much brighter in the last few months, hardly a sarcastic comment or even an eye roll. She was studying hard with Mr Sharpe, and opening up to her new family members. She had even overcome her crush on Sam and now could be in the same room as him without giggling at every word he said. Natty was going to be crushed when she found out what was happening, and how they had hidden it from her for the last 36 hours. 

“That there is a mission and Elizabeth is coming to help her. I am not going to mention where Y/N is. It’s not a lie, if I conceal this from her” He replied to Natasha and Steve shifted uncomfortably. He did not agree with lying to Natty. “Director Fury, Natalia is at the door” F.R.I.D.A.Y called out. Natasha and Steve both nodded at Fury, and left the room. Natty passed them both, she had a face like thunder and she looked at Steve as he walked past her. 

“Uri, Where’s my Dad? We were meant to go for a run. He’s disappeared” she said, standing her ground. 

“Natalia, please take a seat” Fury said before Natty could speak to Steve. She sat down as Steve closed the door behind him. He stood for a moment, waiting to see if he was needed. He heard voices coming down the corridor and saw Agent Hill walking towards him with a tall woman dressed in all black. She wore dark sunglasses, and had blood red hair. She was marching along the corridor with Agent Hill, receiving instructions. She must be Elizabeth. 

“Natty does not know the situation. Fury is in there now telling her that there is a mission, that Sergeant Barnes has had to go on. We have elected not to tell her about Y/N” Elizabeth nodded at Agent Hill’s words and they stopped when they reached Steve. Elizabeth sized him up. His arms folded. He stood there looking menacing in his combat gear. He didn’t look all that powerful she thought to herself. How dare he look at her like that. Elizabeth was Natty’s Godmother, and legally her guardian. Bucky may be the biological father, but Elizabeth was family. 

“Agent Hill, you must be Elizabeth” he held his hand out and she took it. He was polite. She was not. He noticed her nails, and he sized her up. He knew she was a woman not to mess with. Her sharp nails told him this much. She wanted to roll her eyes at him, if you had not got back involved with the Avengers you would be safe. God! You had lived in London for 15 years and not one incident, 6months and now you’re missing, kidnapped. Elizabeth was not going to give Steve an easy time. 

“I’ve got it from here” she replied. She was frosty bordering on rude. Clearly Y/N had been updating Elizabeth on the situation here, or at least your perception of the situation Steve thought to himself. As Agent Hill opened the door Natty squealed and ran to hug Elizabeth. 

“Oh my god what are you doing here!! Are you with Mum?!” Natty squealed as she threw herself into Elizabeth’s arms. She pulled her in to a hug and squeezed her tight. Agent Hill turned to Steve and closed the door in his face. The message was loud and clear, he was not needed here. 

—–

He approached the ruins of the Manor House with caution. He wasn’t sure how long he had spent here, but he knew it instantly. Keeping himself close to the line of trees that hid the house from the driveway. The windows were boarded up, the entrance to the cellar was to the left, that much he knew. He couldn’t risk going through the house and setting off the alarms, so the front door was out. His lasting memory of this place was the vision of you, your scent and pain, pain of finding you gone, the pain of being wiped again. He knew the entrance to use, it was the one the two of you would use to sneak out in the evenings, to have stolen moments under the moonlight. He was sure they hadn’t known that entrance before, and he hoped they still didn’t know it. The ivy grew over the walls, and up to the windows. This couldn’t be a HYDRA base still in use, so they were doing this as some cruel secondary torture bringing you both here. Because they knew he would come. Scanning the view he searched for any signs of cameras, any security that would alert them to his presence there. Deciding that it was safe he strode over to the wall, ripping the ivy and his metal fingers feeling along the cold stone wall till he found the rough metal catch. He flicked it, and a wooden door opened, he was just able to fit through it. He took a deep breath, and entered the dark space. He was back.

The glow of yellow light filled the narrow corridor. His footsteps slow, cautious and silent. The corridor was long. He stayed close to the wall. The skills that they had tortured in to him second nature to him now. He was sulking, stalking his prey. Getting in to the base was easy. He knew the way. The memories he thought that had been wiped from him had come crashing back vividly. He didn’t need to think about where he was going, he knew. He knew where they would be holding you. The familiarity of the way his boots fit his feet, the feel of his combat jacket close against his body gave him power. He didn’t need to check for his weapons, he could feel the weight of them against his legs, he knew what was in each pocket. The line between Bucky and the Winter Soldier was blurred. His mind was Bucky, his body was the Winter soldier. With every step he was beginning to become suspicious that he had not come across anyone. Maybe he had been wrong. Maybe this isn’t where they are holding you. He couldn’t explain how he knew you were communicating with him. Six months ago he had had no memory of you, but now you filled his thoughts. From his waking dreams he allowed himself the moment to basked in the unfamiliar feeling of love. Just for a moment before scolding himself and pushing you to the back of his mind. The lights began to flicker ripping him from his thoughts. He stepped into a dark doorway as he heard voices approaching him from behind. His left hand twitched, and hovered over his knife. The footsteps belonging to the voices echoed down the concrete path. Two sets of boots, two men he thought to himself. He pushed himself into the doorway. His hair hung across his face, he now masque in darkness. He was ready. Adrenaline coarsens through his body. He was hypersensitive. He slowed his breathing, his body barely making a sound. The voices got closer and he listened to them, anger rising in his chest. He had to wait for them to pass, he needed a clear head to engage. 

“She’s a fighter, that’s for sure” one of the voices spoke with a dry laugh, there was a dark satisfaction hidden in that laugh. Your ability to take everything they threw at you was impressive, but HYDRA saw this as a challenge. He knew that you weren’t some damsel in distress, you had survived months on a mission in the Red Room and as a Director of Shield you knew how to handle yourself. He just couldn’t sit back and wait for a strike team. You had sent him a message. Well you had sent the Winter Soldier a message, and he was answering it. He had spent years trying to separate the two, but in this moment he knew that there was strength in his past. He could use the torture he experienced for good, and save the mother of his daughter. He was doing this for Natty, the love of his life. He had once confided in Dr Ali that he thought he was incapable of love. That he was too damaged to give, or receive love. He was broken. Then Natalia had come crashing in to his life, guarded and sarcastic he had felt a connection with her that he couldn’t describe. As they got to know each other, and she let him in, he let her in too. He allowed himself to love her and she was his world. Steve finding him all those years ago brought him a connection to a life he had lost, but Natty brought him a life he had never thought possible. He was proud of her, he would watch her interact with family of misfits he found himself living with and he would beam with pride. She was someone special, and that was down to you. You had raised an intelligent, fierce and kind woman, who yes, could be a terrible teenager and shout and slam doors when her boundaries were being put back up but she was a reflection of you, visually him, personality all you. That’s why he was here, back in the base where he had met you 16 years before. It’s why he was putting everything on the line to bring you home to her. Natty needed you, and he needed Natty. 

“I will break her” the other voice stated. It was emotionless, cold and calculated. Bucky wanted to jump out and kill them both. They were enjoying themselves torturing you. He wanted to break their necks for taking such delight in it. These weren’t brainwashed prisoners, here were two men that with glee taking pleasure in torture. HYDRA had the worst of the worst. Is this how they spoke about him? Did they see breaking down James Buchanan Barnes a challenge they took glee from? He felt sick, and for a moment he allowed that negative voice to take over. What had they meant by break her? He knew he needed to find her before they upped the torture. They walked past him, not noticing the former assassin standing in the shadows. He had spent decades as a ghost, he knew how to hide. 

They rounded the corner and he set off behind them, he couldn’t risk disarming them. When the silence had returned to the corridor he took a sweeping glance of the corridor and returned to his hunt, keeping close to the wall. He knew the pathways. Burying deep within him the pain of the flashes of recovering memories that were burnt within him. He was close. He knew it. He stood against the wall at the end of the corridor and closing his eyes he allowed his senses to take over. He could hear the heavy breathing of two men to his right. Two guarding the door. He thought for a moment, his next move could make the difference between saving you, and killing you. He took a moment to ground himself. He placed a hand in a side pocket of his trousers, the upside to being an Avenger had to be the use of Stark technology. He selected a set of small discs, and activated them. He took a deep breath and rounded the corner throwing the discs and they hit their targets, electricity pulsed through them and he moved with a swiftness to reach their bodies before they hit the ground. He couldn’t risk the echo down the corridor of two bodies hitting the floor. He reached them, and grabbed them, gently laying them on the floor. More than they deserved. He unarmed them, and zip tied their wrists behind their back and looked up at the door they were guarding. It was reinforced, that much he could tell. The door had a large flat bolt across the door, and he grabbed hold and pulled it back. The door opened and he found you. 

——-

There wasn’t a part of you that didn’t hurt. You were sure you had at least three broken ribs. It hurt to breathe. It hurt to blink. You sat up, against the wall you were chained to. It had been five days, you think. The room was dark, lit only by a solitary bulb which they never turned off. The routine of the last five days had been the same. You received food in the form of water and a small piece of bread. Then the torture would begin. They wanted SHIELD secrets. The training you had been put through, and put others through had prepared you for this. You had been distracted, so you had not noticed you were being followed, observed, stalked. You had been enjoying a bottle of wine while you packed up your belongings, and the next thing you knew a black bag was being pulled over your head. You fought, hard but to no avail. They had sent a team, and they overpowered you quickly. You woke up in the familiar cell. The irony not lost of you, of course they brought you here. You had come too as they dragged you from the car, you had seen the front of the Manor House and your stomach flipped. They were going to kill you. In your short months there you had learnt quickly that anyone who dragged in, never walked out. Your hands and legs are bound, you couldn’t fight even if you wanted to. You wanted to scream but you didn’t want to give them the satisfaction to know that you were terrified. Not for you, for her. The last words you had spoken to her were not ones filled with love. Would she know how much you loved her, your head just filled with images of her. She must be safe, she was with him. You were the one all alone, perfect for the taking, who was going to miss you and alert anyone. 

You had endured the type of torture you had only read about. You were pretty sure the bruises on your legs would have boot imprints from being kicked and stepped on. You closed your eyes and centred yourself. You didn’t want to admit you were giving up hope of ever coming back, or being rescued. In your life you had never needed anyone to rescue you. And now that you did, you felt hopeless. You knew it had been a long shot sending Bucky that message. The likelihood he would remember something from 16 years ago was not good, but then again you had remembered it. You had told him our place, over and over again. If there was any chance he missed it the first time you needed it repeated. The gun to your head was a nice HYDRA touch, they wanted Fury to know you were going to die. All your thoughts centred around Natty. You had to keep your strength for her, you needed to get back to her. A tear rolled down your cheek, with the chains rattling as you wiped it away. You didn’t want to give up hope but as it had been three days since the filming the little voice in the back of your mind, there started. Quietly at first. 

_“No one is coming.”_

_“Natalia doesn’t even know you’re missing”_

_“You. Are. Alone”_

You knew from your training that giving up hope was the last thing you should do. While you still had hope, you could fight. You didn’t know how much more fight you had in you, and the little voice was getting louder. 

You eyes looked up as the door clanged. The metal bar being pulled slowly across. You took in quick deep breaths, psyching yourself up for today’s beating. The door opened slowly, and you looked up. You were not going to let them see you cry. Stilling you locked your face down. No emotion. Just how you were taught. Your eyes connect with a pair of blue eyes. Your body, tense, in an instant relaxes. You want to cry. You want to break down as he walks towards you. He approaches slowly, and your head is shaking, you must be dreaming. Adrenaline overdose? Hunger? There is no way he is here. He kneels down in front of you, and you stare deep into his eyes. His smile is kind, and familiar. You can’t help it. The emotion takes over, and it is as if you have been fighting this back for days. Your breathing erratic, tears falling from your eyes, and sobs, escape your lips. 

“I’ve got you. You’re safe” he whispers. His hands are at your chains. He rips them off your wrists, and they are raw and bleeding where they have held you tight. He surveys you, and he knows he is going to have to carry you out. 

“Can you stand?” And you shake your head. All the fight you had, gone, now he was here. You had held on to hope he had seen your message, remembered you. He had, and here he was. He placed his arm under your legs, and kindly asked “put your arms around my neck”. You did as you were asked, and weakly you wrap your arms around his neck. Feeling his body against yours felt so right, he lifted you with ease. Turning around he saw the door slam, the sound of the lock sliding back filling the room. You looked at him, he had thought it had been too easy. There was a dull hissing starting to fill the room. He set you down gently on the floor and looked around the room. 

“Cover your mouth!” He shouted, realising the sound was the release of a gas. His head began to swim. His limbs felt heavy. He moved to the door and tried to push it open. It didn’t move. He felt as if all of his strength had left his body. He turned to look at you were already unconscious, he made his way back to you, but fell unconscious before he was able to reach your body on the floor. 

He came to, his mind still clouded. He closed his eyes, and reopened them hoping they would focus on his surroundings. A phantom voice filling the room, a voice he couldn’t quite place. His body felt like lead. His legs aching, chained to the wall. As his mind started to clear panic filled his mind as he realised that they had removed his arm. He felt sick. The thought of them touching such an intimate part of him. His flesh hand chained to his feet. He looked to you, you were lying still. He opened his mouth to call out to you. Before he could, he registered the words being spoken in to the room. 

“Welcome back Soldat” and a dark, haunting laugh. He shook his head, his head hanging down low. His body was heavy and even holding his head up felt too much. 

“Don’t” he says, the laugh filling the room. You stirred, to see him chained in the other corner. He was curled up, his head resting on his knees. You cough, your throat burned from the gas, and you threw up. Whatever they had drugged you with, it had been strong enough to wipe him out. Wipe him out long enough for them to remove his arm, and chain him up. 

“Winter?” You let out a sob. For a moment you had thought yourself free of this nightmare. 

“Zasha” he whispered back, the two of you reunited here. 

“Two out of three” 

The voice echoed in the room, and the two of you stare at each other. Dread filling your veins, knowing there was nothing you could do. 


	18. Chapter 18

You sat with your head rested on your knees. The noises coming from him frustrated you. You wanted to tell him to stop, to shut up, but you knew there was no point. He was going to continue regardless of what you said to him. The rattle of his chains was causing your headache to get worse. Your eyes stung, and your head lay heavy on your knees. Your head was clouded. You had no more tears left in your body, you had cried them all. The pain filled your body disappeared the moment the voice had told you their plan. The only pain you felt now, was deep in your heart. Bucky exclaimed in frustration “Goddamnit!” and the chains hit the floor, causing you to look up, your head still on your knees. 

“Winter” your voice croaks out. He looked over to you. His eyes red from the tears. His hair hung about his face, his back against the wall, his head lulled in front of him. “It’s Bucky” he whispers. Your eye closes, and you take a deep breath. 

“Bucky. Stop” you said, with every syllable, your voice cracking with emotion. You couldn’t take it. Here you both were, chained like animals in a cell when your baby girl was out there, being hunted down by the monsters that had you trapped here. It was a waiting game. With every ounce of your being you prayed they wouldn’t hurt her. 

“I can’t,” he said. The rattle of the chains starts again. He’s grunting as he pulls on the chain. He had been trying to break free from his restraints for what seemed like hours. You wanted to scream at him “STOP!” but what was the point. You held your knees close to your hold, holding yourself tight. There was nothing that could be done but to wait and see what the next punishment would be, which one they would pick on now to torture or the appearance of your daughter. 

“What do I call you?” he asked, and you looked at him. “Y/N. Zasha. It doesn’t matter, because if they don’t kill me in her, I’ll die if they hurt her” you said, you had lost all fight. You look at the door, willing them to open it, and take you for another beating. The fact that you had had no contact with HYDRA since the voice announced “two out of three” Bucky had shouted, fought his restraints and you had screamed. You thought at that moment someone had ripped your heart out. You were on your hands and knees, screaming, it was the only thing you could think to do. Bucky punched the wall, shouted and when all that failed, his back hit the wall and he slid down, slowly. You watched him, you wanted him to fix the problem. You couldn’t. 

“What does that even mean?” he snapped at you. You take in a deep breath “It means, call me what you want. None of this matters” each word, enunciated with the frustration you felt. You knew it wasn’t his fault. It was yours. You should have protected her from this all. The moment of weakness. Telling her who her father was, sending her away. You should have never had let her leave your side. You had protected her for 15 years, and in the last 6 months? 

“What attitude is that?” He spat back. He is on his feet. The chains kept you apart. He stared down at you. Your head still resting on your knees. 

“Bucky. Just stop. The sooner you give up the better. I have been here for days. You were my chance of freedom. Now they are going after my baby and I can’t do a thing” you’re surprised when tears are running down your face. You thought you had no more left in you, but every thought was Natty, and the weight held you down. 

“She’s my baby as well” he whispered. This fuelled your fire. 

“Fuck off.” you spat at him. You placed your hand on the floor and used it to push yourself up to standing. Your body on fire, each breath, a shooting pain in your side. Definitely broken ribs. 

“Don’t start this with me Bucky “ you continued and his eyes flashed with anger. It was as if they were standing in the tower again, fighting. Your chains rattled as you moved closer to him. Both of your chains were pulled tight and you had a metre between the two of you. His hand flexed in to a fist. He was filled with anger towards you. Your constant comments about how Natty was your daughter hurt him. 

“Fuck Y/N. Why can’t you accept she is my daughter.” he said, breathing through the anger. 

“Because you have only been here for 6 months. I raised her. ALONE” you shouted at him. 

“When are you going to stop using that against me.” He shouted at you. You were taken aback. He stepped back and looked away from you. He had shared too much. 

“She’s our daughter” he said, not looking at you. The word ours echoed in your head. You had never thought of Natalia as their daughter, always your daughter, and certainly never his daughter. She may be biologically his daughter, but he was no father. 

The silence was deafening. Neither of you wanted to be the first to speak. You were furious at him, and you didn’t know why. You stepped back until you felt the wall against you and you slid down. You did not want to have this conversation, especially not here. He now paced the few steps that he could, as the chains restricted his movements. You rested your head on your knees, flinching in pain as you took a deep breath. He looked at you with concern written over his face. 

“It’s a nice touch they brought you here” he said. He was attempting to throw an olive branch. Keep you talking and fool you in to having a conversation. You didn’t take the bait. 

“How much do you remember?” He asked. You shook your head gently. The adrenaline was wearing off and your body ached. Pain was clouding your thoughts. 

“I only remember flashes” he continued, and you looked up at him. 

“I remember it all” you whisper. 

_You’re nervous more nervous than he has ever been this was your first real chance of proving yourself by making a name for yourself within the intelligence community when you’ve been approached to infiltrate the red room you spent weeks pouring over documents and preparing your story, this was not going to be easy. It was a six month solo mission. The longest you had ever done, and it was an honour to be selected. You infiltrate with ease. Your skills, something the Red Room craved. Your ability to use your body as a weapon was a skill they wanted to give their widows. You were standing in front of the 10 teenage girls, ready to show them your signature move, and that’s when you notice him. He is standing in the corner, his arms folded watching you. You had never seen him before, you would have remembered. He looked menacing. As you demonstrated you looked over at one of the commanders and asked for a volunteer. He looked around the room and gave a simple command “Soldat”. The menacing stranger stood forward, and you beckoned him to you. He sauntered over, you found yourself staring. You shouldn’t be staring. You gave him the instructions, and talking to the girls who were hanging on every word you said you told him to come at you. Making eye contact with him, you could see a hint of a person in there. Hydra hadn’t managed to numb him completely. He nodded and you braced yourself. He moved swiftly, but you were quicker. You took a run at him, and jumped, wrapping your legs around his neck, you used the momentum to spin around and flip him on to his back, standing up you extended a hand to him. There was a round of applause. You barely heard the girls, you were lost in the smirk that he gave you as he stood up. The girls paired up and practiced what they had just seen. The soldier walked back to the side of the room to observe. You were sure he was watching you. His power was intoxicating, but you dared not to look at him._

_Later that evening you found yourself lying in your bed. You body ached from all of the training. You had tried a hot shower, a cold bath and a stretch but nothing could help. Your thighs were black and blue from performing for the girls. You had taken the soldier down multiple times, each time to a round of applause and a smirk from him. Your room was basic, and far nicer than the dorm that the girls lived in, you were lucky to have your own space. With your body aching you allowed yourself a moment of weakness. You exhaled, loudly and in an attempt to rid yourself of the low level anxiety that you were feeling. The constant mental strain you were under was possibly harder than the physical part of the mission. You felt the slow build up of emotion as you tried to destress. The indescribable emotion started to bubble up in your chest. It wasn’t anxiety, it wasn’t sadness, it was overwhelming. In this moment of weakness you allowed yourself to succumb to the wave of emotion, and you let out a ragged breath. The tears followed in an instant, and your breathing became heavier and more ragged, you tried everything to keep it under control. You didn’t want to be overheard. Red Room agents felt no emotions. You couldn’t risk being overheard, which made the situation worse. You paced the room, completing your breathing exercises that you had been taught. It all seemed so easy back in that classroom. In the real life situation however breathing exercises were of no use. You were terrified that you were going to be caught. Your attention was drawn by the shuffling sound by your door and dread washed over you. You had been heard. Looking down you noticed a piece of paper on the floor, it had been pushed under your door. The writing was in poorly written Russian, the handwriting was almost illegible, but you saw the words._

_Don’t cry. It will only make everything worse. Talk._

_The mysterious note writer had no left a name. There was no clue who it could be. You pulled back from the door and looked at the crack of light that ever so slightly filled the room. You could see a pair of boots. In this moment of weakness you longed for a connection. You couldn’t remember the last time you had spoken to anyone that wasn’t in the form of order. Throwing your training out of the window you open the door, and looked in to the blue eyes of the soldier. His eyes connected with yours and he gave you the smallest of smiles. Moving from the door way you ushered him in and he moved slowly. Once in your room he looked around. Closing the door you watched him, standing there as tears rolled down your face. His thoughts on his face. He walked to you and his flesh hand raised to you cheek, he wipes away a tear._

_“Talk” he whispers at you. You hold it together. Your training at the front of your mind. Here was Hydra’s most deadly weapon standing in your room. Your life depended on you pulling it together._

_“I am just so sore” you whisper back, your eyes lost in his. His eyes are kind, comforting and in your emotionally weakened state you can feel yourself looking to him for a connection._

_“It gets easier” he states as he moves your hair out of your face. Your head dropped, does it? You know that if you look in to those blue eyes you would be lost, and the soft sobs that have been escaping your lips would become uncontrollable. He lifts your chin, his eyes searching yours. You know you shouldn’t but here was something that could make you forget._

_“Promise?” You ask. He leans in and kisses you, soft, gentle and cautious. You kiss him back, and his hands are in your hair, yours on his chest. You can feel your heartbeat in your throat, his heartbeat reverberating on your hands. He pulled back, and before kissing you again he whispers “I promise”_

He watched you. He could feel the memories washing over you as you just stared at the wall. He was angry at you. You had his stolen memories and he had nothing but moments that didn’t make sense in his mind. The two of you were stuck there. He knew this was possibly his only chance to ask. 

He cleared his throat and you were pulled back from your mind. “Tell me about how we met ” Bucky asked, softly. You watched your fellow inmate, you almost wanted to scoff at him. Here? Really? You took a deep breath and said “assassin meets undercover spy. They both want intamacy, so they fuck” 

He rolled his eyes and the chain holding his arm pulls taut. The rattle of the chain did not go unnoticed by you. His head hung low and he laughed, darkly. You didn’t want to talk about this. The memories of this place, and being here with him was causing you pain, more pain than Hydra could inflict. The short couple of months with him had ruined you. Natalia was the greatest thing in your life, and as all the love in the world you needed. What you didn’t need was Bucky coming in and trying to turn your world upside down. Not when the two of you were trapped in a cell together, and your daughter was in danger, with you unable to do a thing to stop Hydra. You looked away from him, shaking your head as if to say whatever. He watched you. He was livid at you, was this some kind of joke to you. 

“Fuck you” he spat out at you. You inhaled and exhaled with frustration. He wasn’t going to let it go. 

“What do you want me to tell you Buck? It was a meet cute, you asked me for coffee on our break and then took me for a picnic?” You laughed and he flinched at your laughter. It was cruel. The chain rattled again. You didn’t know why you were being cruel. 

“Fuck. You.” He spat again. This time you were ready for the argument. You weren’t really angry at him, but the situation. You were helpless here. So was he. You were almost certainly deflecting any feelings into anger at him. He’d never acknowledged the letter. He had barely even looked at you. He left every detail of Natalia to Steve, he wouldn’t even speak to you. 

He stood up and paced again, your head rested back on your knees. It was the only position that didn’t cause you more pain. He paced the few steps he could and he was muttering to himself. You wanted him to sit down and accept your fate. Just be quiet for one goddamn minute but the constant rattling of the chain grated through your mind. Your breathing was heavy, full of emotion, mostly fury. How dare he, how dare he blame you for all of this, you knew he was. All of a sudden he turned to you and shouted “YOU THINK I LIKE THIS? my memories being a jumble, knowing you and not knowing you. You know what Y/N, you are SELFISH.” 

Your head involuntarily snaps back at the shock of him shouting at you. The indignation of him calling you selfish caused you to recoil. How dare he. The fire in you was burning bright. 

“YOU’RE IN MY HEAD AND YOU WON’T TELL ME WHY” he shouted. Once he started he couldn’t stop. “ I CAN’T MAKE SENSE OF THE MEMORIES. You could help me. You could tell me who I was to you” You started to laugh. You’re not sure why you’re behaving like this. 

“I rather fucking not, if it’s all the same to you” you reply, coldly. Story time was well and truly over and you’re not his therapist. 

“You’re a fucking bitch” 

That was it. You were done. The distress of the last week, the daily beatings, the torture, the injections, and the frustration of your heart still hoping for him was bad enough, but calling you a bitch was the final straw. You stood you, wincing as you moved your body, the pain was excruciating. You took a deep breath and lowered your tone, the silkiness of your voice stirring something in him. Now was time to mess with him. 

“No. I am a bitch you loved fucking. Am I in your head? Winter, do you remember how I would gasp at your touch? How about, when you told me you loved me? What memories do you have baby?”

He looked down, and away from you. You couldn’t stop yourself, you had no reason to be behaving in this way but you wanted to hurt him like he had hurt you. 

“Do you remember how I would play with your hair and tell you how much I loved you? Do you remember how I tasted, or my moans as you made love to me?” You can see that Bucky now had tears rolling down his cheek. His eyes pleaded with you to stop, you are so close to him, he could reach out and touch you if he really tried. You were ready to deliver the final blow. 

“Bucky, all those memories? I was just acting. I was undercover. You had the information I needed. You were nothing but a plaything for me while I was here. It’s probably better you don’t recover those memories because” and you pause, and licked your lips “because none of it was real. I was pretending, and you weren’t” 

He moved with a swiftness that was all Winter soldier. The chains holding his ankles and arm snapped, he roared. He had you against the wall in a second, his hand on your throat. He was growling. He stared in to your eyes, you could feel the passion and the anger he felt for you. You stare back at him, defiant. His hot breath on your face, his laboured breathing, you stared him down. What was he going to do? After hydra had Natalia you were as good as dead, no one could hurt you. What he did next threw you off. You were sure he was going to hit you. Sure the two of you were physically going to fight. The two of you are so angry, so helpless, and taking it out on each other. 

He kissed you. His lips locked on to yours and he kissed you with a hunger. His hands in your hair, you kissed him like it was the last thing you were ever going to do, you needed to be devoured by him. Your hands running up and down his body, trying to take him all in. The moans escaping both of you told the story of the hunger you both felt for each other.

He pulled back and hissed “fuck. you. You’re not that good an actress” and before you could respond there was fire, explosion and noise. An alarm wailed. The two of you broke apart as the door blew open, you jumped back from Bucky as Steve walked in. Steve ran over to Bucky and pulled him in to his arms, holding him. You sank to the floor, was this too good to be true? Natasha came running in to you, dipping down to the floor and her hand softly touched your face.

“You’re safe.” 

“Natty?!” You sob out, and she smiles at you

“Natty is safe. Thor is with her. Let’s get you out of here” 

The tears poured from you, the relief, she was safe. You were safe. Natasha helped you out, Steve helped Bucky out and you did everything you could to hold it together. You raised your hand to your lips, and traced where his lips had been a moment before, and your heart ached. You had always known it. 

He wouldn’t look at you. He hated you, and you definitely still loved him.


	19. Chapter 19

The flight back was swift. After being carried by Natasha on to the jet you collapsed. The last thing you heard was Natasha calling out for Bruce, and bright lights. Bruce was at your side in a flash. Natasha and Tony carried you to the back where there was a small medical area set up. Bruce for a second paused to take in the sight of you. The moment your adrenaline dropped the situation was clear, you were in danger. Natasha turned to him, and stated “how can I help?”. Bruce started to give instructions and they moved quickly. Steve and Bucky followed you on to the jet and watched all of this happening in front of them. Bucky was shell shocked, silent and stoic. Steve helped him in to a seat, and buckled him in. The ramp of the jet closed as Steve and Bucky walked on and Tony already had them in the air. Steve watched Bucky, whose head hung low. He was covered in dust and dirt, probably from the explosion of the door. Steve crouched down and cupped his face his eyes bore in to Bucky’s. He needed to connect with him. Bring Bucky back to him. The only words that Bucky had been able to say since Steve appeared was “Natty”, which he had repeated over and over. Steve had reassured him as they had walked, telling him she was safe but he obviously was not taking any of it in. 

“Buck, look at me” and his eyes connected with Steve’s. Steve was terrified for Bucky, they had no idea what had happened, and he was scared that all the progress Bucky had made was lost. He was terrified that Bucky would regress back in to himself. He needed Bucky to hear him and listen. 

“Natty is safe. I promise. Thor is there, so is Wanda and Vision, let’s get you cleaned up. We can call her?” Bucky’s eyes lit up at the suggestion that they could call her. “Steve, they said they were going after her” he muttered. Steve had known this, they had been able to track Bucky using the tracking device in his metal arm, and with the audio in built to the tracker they had been able to hear their plan, it wasn’t clear how much of the plan they had acted on, but increasing the super soldier family was one step in their plan. “We would never let anything happen to her. You know this. She’s part of the family.” Bucky nodded at these words but still his head hung low, deep in thought. Steve gave Bucky a reassuring pat on the arm and stood up. Steve went to the back of the jet where the commotion was coming from, the noise of the machines whirring as you lay still. Trying his best to not get in the way, and not look at what has happened as Natasha ripped your clothing off your body. Steve looked over and saw the true extent of your injuries. You had boot imprints on your stomach, your skin black, blue and yellow with the bruises. Wires coming out of your body, the rush of the staff around your body. Dried blood in your matted hair. You had taken days of beating, god how were you alive? 

“What’s our ETA?” Bruce called out to Tony, who was flying the jet. 

“2 hours” Tony called back and Bruce swore, loudly. The concern written all over his face as Steve turned to him to ask, “how is she?”

“She’s got internal bleeding, definitely broken ribs, her blood pressure keeps dropping. she’s massively dehydrated and I am trying to stabilise her until I can get back to the lab. God they really took it out on her. How’s Bucky?” And before Steve could answer he turned towards Tony “If you can make it any quicker do it now Tony”. Tony called back agreement and the jet surged forward with Tony shouting back “30 minutes” Steve looked down at your body, laying there still. You looked so small. Your face beaten, and he noticed the friction burn marks around your neck and wrists from the restraints they had placed round you. He shook his head at the sight. What had happened in that cell? What would have happened if they had been delayed by a day? “Buck’s ok, he’s just a bit banged up. Those sick monsters removed his arm, I don’t even want to think about the work he’s going to have to do to deal with that. I have alerted Shuri already and she’s working on a replacement” Bruce and he shared pained smiles and Natasha called out “sorry to break up the meeting, but more pressing matters” He grabbed the tools he needed, and slapping a hand on Bruce’s shoulder he replied “you got this Bruce. We’ll be home soon”. Steve walked back to Bucky and set down a cloth, water and reached out to his bag. He reached in and picked out a comb and began to look after his best friend. Crouching down, he gently wiped his face, the dirt from the captivity, and the rescue. Bucky sat there, and allowed him to take care of him. He slowly, section by section combed his hair. Once he had finished, and Bucky looked semi presentable, he placed his hand on his cheek, cupping it and Bucky looked to him. 

“All done, see, painless. Shall we call Natty?” And Bucky nodded. He was playing the last moment with you over and over in his head. The moment you had told him it was all pretend he had lost control, it wasn’t him, it was the soldier and this scared him. He didn’t want to tell Steve that in the moment the soldier had managed to take control of him. Bucky felt the rage, the soldier had kissed you. The rage he had felt, the clang as the chains had hit the floor. He had ripped the reinforced metal in to pieces at the suggestion that she had played him. He hated her so much for mocking him, was his life a joke? When he had been face to face with her, his eyes locked on to hers her scent over powered him and the flashes of memories that had been plaguing him took over, then he had kissed her, that was all the soldier, but Bucky had enjoyed it. The fire his body felt as her lips on his caused him to feel weak, who was this woman and how did she have so much power over him. He was angry at her, her smirk at every question he asked, she was cruel. He hadn’t expected to kiss her, he was so angry, the blood pumping through his body, he wasn’t sure what the soldier was going to do, and it scared him. All he knew was that he didn’t ever want to see you again. The laughter and mockery, the way you had stared at him with hatred in your eyes fuelled his rage. Steve pulled out his phone, and double checking Bucky was ready he hit video call. The dull dial tone filled his mind, he took a deep breath as the video call connected. 

“Hi Dad! Is everything ok?” He saw the smiling love of his life. He looked confused for a moment, she appeared to have a green face. Her eyes sparkled as she watched him, a smile trying to appear on her face. She was holding the phone from her face. He could tell she was in the living room, relaxing. He could hear laughter in the background. She really was safe. 

“Natty what is on your face?” He asked quizzical. He was warmed as she let out a chuckle. 

“Elizabeth, Thor and I are doing face masks. Are you on your way home?!” She swung the 

He smiled. Home is where Natty is. He was going home. 

“Yea, on our way home. We should be home in about an hour. I have to go and have a debrief then, you, me, movie of your choice? How does that sound” he said his body becoming lighter with every word. The best was to decompress after, was definitely with his baby girl, popcorn and Lord of the Rings, when it was Natty’s choice it was always one of the trilogy. He knew what to expect. Steve watched him. He was worried about the mental state of Bucky. He had been held for at least 24 hours. He needed to be checked over by the medical team first, his arm reattached and debriefed before Natty could see him. Then there was the issue of you. There was irrational beeping coming from the back of the plane. 

“TONY. GET US HOME NOW. She’s crashing. I can’t stabilise her” Bruce shouted, and immediately Bucky looked to Steve, both sharing a look of dread and concern. 

“Dad, what’s going on” natty asked watching her dad’s face drop from the smile. There were alarms blaring now. Commotion. Bruce is giving orders and Bucky knows he should lie, he has to. 

“Darling, I have to go, Bruce needs help. Everything is fine, go back to your pampering, and I will see you soon?” He held it together. Natty eyed him suspiciously, trying to read his face and she decided to believe him. 

“Can’t wait Dad” 

“You too. Maybe I need a face mask” and they both laughed. She waved goodbye which he returned and Steve hung up the call. He patted a Bucky on the shoulder as Bucky exhaled, he had managed to pass and lie convincingly. Steve moved swiftly in to the back of the plane. The alarms on the machines blaring, Natasha following everyone of Bruce’s commands. Bruce saw Steve walking in and he looked over “she’s got internal bleeding. I don’t know how she isn’t dead already. I need to stop the bleeding. She needs a transfusion and there’s no one here that can do it. Nat and Tony aren’t the same blood type. I can’t risk using mine, or super soldiers. I need to be in the lab” and turning to no one in particular “NOW” and the voice of Tony called back “I AM TRYING BANNER. Just keep her alive.” 

“WHAT DO YOU THINK I AM DOING?!” Bruce shouted back, and Steve placed his hand on his shoulder. “Bruce, deep breaths. What blood type is she?” 

“B negative, it’s pretty rare. I don’t have it here, it’s that rare”

“That’s the same as me” a voice came from behind them. Bucky stood there, bracing himself against the wall. Steve and Bruce turned and without saying a word Steve shook his head, this was not happening. “Bucky, we don’t know what will happen if we used your blood” Bruce said softly. 

Bucky walked over to the side, and pulled out what he needed. He handed it to Bruce and just commanded “do it, if she needs it. Do it” He began to roll up his sleeve of his arm. Steve shook his head and muttered “Buck, no” 

Bruce looked at Steve. Steve’s face was crumpled in to concern. Bucky didn’t dare look at him. He didn’t need Steve’s opinion. He needed you to be alive. He needed to know that he did everything possible for you, so he could face Natalia. He could never live with himself if anything happened to you, not out of any feelings for you, but Natty would be crushed and he needed to protect her from the world. Steve looked at him, willing him to look at him. Bucky just stared at Bruce. 

“We don’t know what will happen. The risk is too high. We don’t know what will happen to her body. It could reject the blood” Bruce just repeated again. Steve stepped forward to put himself between Bucky and Bruce but Bucky moved quicker. 

“Will she die if she doesn’t get a transfusion in the next 30minutes?” Bucky asked, emotionless. Bruce looked away and said “probably. She’s a fighter but looking at her vitals I would say yes” Bucky then pressed the equipment in to Bruce’s hand, and stepped closer “you have no choice. Do it now” and held his arm out. Bruce paused for a moment, and turned to Nat “Prep her for a transfusion” and he turned to Bucky, “sit.” Bucky did as he was instructed and Steve moved behind him. He placed his hand on his shoulder and a Bucky looked up. “What choice do I have Steve?” And he replied with a simple “I know Buck.” 

Tony had performed a miracle and got them back in record time. The crash team were ready and waiting for the team. The moment the doors opened, the medical team rushed you out, and in to the lab. Steve had Bucky braced against him as he helped him out. Weakened from the cell, and then loss of blood he wanted to sleep for days, but he also desperately wanted to see Natty. They exited the jet, and made their way in to the compound. The next thing Bucky heard was a loud, head splittingly squeal and a flash of black. Steve let go of him. 

“DAAAAAAAAD” natty squealed as she ran at him. She hit him with force and wrapped her arms around his waist. He almost stumbled back but steadied himself, he hugged her back with him one arm. He kissed the top of her head, and she pulled back from him confused. 

“You have one arm” 

“Yes Natalia, I have one arm. This you already knew.” He tried to downplay the fact. 

“I know that! What happened to your arm dad” and her face dropped to one of concern, and worry. He could see tears starting to form. “Are you hurt?!” She stepped back and looked at him. He looked beat up. Her face crumpled as she fought the tears. He pulled her back in to the hug and soothed her, “hey.. hey now. Stop this. I am fine. It was an accident. It’s happened before. Shuri is already on her way with a replacement. Hey… come on. No tears. I am fine baby girl” 

She held on tight. Steve watched this moment. He knew they needed to go and debrief now. Bucky needed the med bay, a meal, a shower and sleep. He didn’t want to interrupt this moment between the two of them. His own heart felt a jolt. A jolt of jealousy. He was never going to have this. 

“No more tears” Bucky said, wiping away her tears and she nodded. “I have to go and be debriefed, and definitely shower. Shall we meet in the living room. You can even choose the snacks” and she smiled and him. She pulled him in again tight. Her head in his chest and she pulled back and took a deep breath. She looked up to him. 

“I love you dad.” 

Bucky’s head began to spin. Steve clutched his chest in surprise and love for Bucky, it was just so pure, so wholesome. Natty has never told her dad she loved him, but she wanted him to know. The moment she saw his arm missing it occurred to her that he could get hurt on missions and she needed him to know. He pulled her back in to his chest and he kissed her head. “I love you too Natty.” 

Steve had tears silently rolling down his face. He didn’t even try to hide it. He didn’t care. His best friend had everything. The difference six months can make. Here they were, father and daughter, a bonded unbreakable. Steve thought for a moment, what an incredible sight it was. It was all going to come crashing down the moment Natty found out about you. Natty bounded out of the room and Steve looked to Bucky. 

“You going to tell her?” Steve asked, and Bucky shook his head. “Not until there is news. Fuck. Steve what if she doesn’t make it? What the hell do I do?” he asked, Steve’s face slipped. “I don’t know Buck.” Steve’s lips pulled tight as Bucky led the way to the med bay. He needed the all clear before he faced the wrath of Fury. 


	20. Chapter 20

The gentle beep of the monitor filled the room. The occupant sat silently, watching your still body as the rhythmic hiss of the ventilator kept your body breathing. The room was small, filled mostly with the machines that were keeping you alive. Elizabeth sat there, her hand on yours, the other reading a book. It had been 48 hours and she had not left your side, when sleep was necessary she curled up in the chair next to you. She looked up and could see Fury, Bruce and Dr Cho having an animated conversation. There was no point in Elizabeth trying to work out what was being said, they would update her when they needed to. Bruce kept rubbing the bridge of his nose as Dr Cho spoke, which did not necessarily bode well for you. She turned the page of her book and continued reading. There was a tap at the window and she looked over to see Fury standing there. He motioned his head for her to come out and she exhaled as she marked her page and set the book down. She quietly closed the door behind her “Director Fury” and he nodded his reply. 

“We are going to tell Natty.” He stated, and Elizabeth’s hand rubbed her face in exhaustion. She had argued that Natty should have been told two days ago, but was told that they were handling it. 

“Who is we” Elizabeth asked, her dislike of the two super soldiers evident in her tone. After you had been taken in to surgery Elizabeth had been called to Fury’s office and the situation explained. Bucky and Steve had stood there stoically and appeared not to care as Fury explained that they were going to have to place you in a medically induced coma to help the bleed in your brain. The decision not to tell Natty had been taken by Bucky, and he had outranked Elizabeth and Fury as her father, apparently. It didn’t matter to him that Elizabeth was Natty’s names guardian because you were still alive, and that was only in the case of your death. So, no matter how much Elizabeth argued that Natty should know, Bucky had insisted that it would only distress her seeing you hooked up to the machines, and although there was a chance that was true she was definitely going to be more distressed by the fact this had been hidden by all of her family. She still didn’t know why you hadn’t replied to her calls, messages or requests to FaceTime. 

“I am going to and. I would like you to be there” he replied, and Elizabeth nodded in agreement. Knowing that Fury was not going to answer the question she knew there was no harm in asking. 

“What is the update?” Fury replied “They are going to try and bring her out later today, and there is no telling what state she is going to be in. Dr Cho is not sure how she was brought in still alive. Barnes is being no help in filling in the blanks” Elizabeth nodded as she took the words in, and then looked at him as he said “Ready to go and see Natty?” and he led her out of the corridor towards Natty’s bedroom. 

————

Natty has the feeling that something was going on and now one was telling her. She could feel the frustration bubbling up in her stomach. Two days ago Bucky and the others had returned from a mission, and she had waited for him to watch a movie like he suggested but he never showed. Steve had come to find her and tell her that Bucky had been called away on business and that he and Natasha would keep her company. Something didn’t add up, why was he being sent away on business, why wasn’t her mum calling her back. This was now twice Bucky had left without a word to her, and she was starting to worry that she was a problem that he was leaving Steve to deal with. Then there was the fact you had not returned any of her calls, or messages. She had never gone this long without speaking to you and she was starting to worry. She had been spending more time in her room, and barely paying any attention in her schooling. Elizabeth has disappeared without saying goodbye. All the evidence pointed to a cover up. Where they gearing up to remove her to England? Getting all the preparations ready and then shipping her back, just like you had done all those months ago. She paced her room trying to think of what she should do. The frustration building to anger she tried to keep calm but she was struggling to. The blood pumping through her veins felt strong, and she was wired. A knock at the door brought her out of her pacing and she walked over and opened it. Fury and Elizabeth stood there, their faces filled with concern. Natty knew this was it. She was going back to London. Something bad was about to happen. 

“Natalia, take a seat” Fury said and she looked confused, he rarely called her Natalia, he was the one that had started calling her Natty in the first place. Elizabeth took a step towards her and handed her a cup of tea that she had already prepared, ready for this. A cup of tea is always needed. Natty turned around and walked to her bed, and took a seat at the edge of it and watched as the two adults that she had known all of her life prepared to tell her the worst thing they could. 

“Firstly Natty, I need you to remain calm, as calm as you can.” Fury stated and natty nodded in agreement but her mind was telling her to scream “tell me now!” 

“9 days ago, your mom was taken by the bad guys” Fury had only started to explain and Natty dropped the cup of tea. Her brain had shut down. She shook her head and Elizabeth looked at Fury with frustration. This is not how to tell a child there is something wrong with her mum. “Taken?” She muttered as her head shook more aggressively from side to side. 

“She’s alive” Elizabeth jumped in, and Natty shook her head. Elizabeth looked over at Fury and rolled her eyes. She walked over and crouched down so she was eye level with Natty, she put her hands on Natty’s knees. “Nat, your Mum is ok, she’s safe and she’s here. She’s getting better everyday. We are telling you now because we know more about her condition”. Natty began to sob, her chest heaving with every sob, she had been so horrid to her mum when they last spoke. When had they last spoken? What had she even said to you. 

She sat for a moment, allowing the tears to pour down her face and then she turned to Fury “Where’s Dad. I want my Dad. Where is Mum”. Her shoulders now shaking as she tried to contain her emotions, but failing miserably. She sobbed out and Elizabeth looked to Fury, and he exhaled, he had hoped to keep Barnes out of all of this. Fury stepped forward and Elizabeth busied herself finding something to clean up spilt tea. 

“I am afraid that’s not possible Natty. Sergeant Barnes broke protocol and is currently in isolation. We want to wait until we bring your Mom out of her coma later today before you can see her” Elizabeth looked back up at Fury. Her hair cocked to the side as she took in the words isolation. True she had not seen him since that meeting in the office, where she had been asked to leave so that Fury could speak with Bucky. Steve and her had walked silently back to the elevator, him heading to his room and Elizabeth back to your side. 

That was it. The frustration was back, bubbling up in her chest. “Why is Dad in isolation! Why can’t I see my mum” she stood up and Fury took a step back. 

“Your father broke probation, and he went on an unsanctioned mission. It is beyond our control” 

It happened in a flash. Natty screamed. The scream filled the room, and the corridor and alerted Steve and Natasha who were in his room to the situation. Natty turned to the bookcase and strode over and picked it up as if it weighed nothing and threw it across the room. She punched the wall, leaving a sizeable dent. She began to trash the room, smashing everything.

“DAD WOULDN’T DO THAT! HE WOULDN’T RISK IT ” Natty screamed and Elizabeth and Fury ducked as items were being thrown at them. Fury put his hands up to try and calm her down, and said “He went to save your Mum”, however this only made the situation worse. 

“I KNEW IT. I KNEW YOU WERE ALL LYING TO ME!!! I WANT MY MUM. I WANT TO SEE DAD” 

Fury pulled Elizabeth behind him, and tried to calm her by “Natty, in need you to breathe, please” Fury started to back Elizabeth and himself out of the room as Steve came running in. 

“YOU LIED TO ME” she ran at Steve and tried to punch him but he blocked it, not well though. 

“Fury I got this!” Steve called as he tried to stop Natty attacking him. Fury grabbed Elizabeth and pulled her out of the room, Elizabeth fighting the movement as she didn’t want to leave Natty alone with Steve. With every swipe at Steve it was evident that she had been training with Bucky, and she knew how to disarm him and was using all the tricks he had taught her. Steve was desperately trying not to hit her back, but it was getting increasingly difficult. 

“Natalia. Natty. Stop. Please” he said as he deflected every punch, “YOU SAT THERE AND LIED TO ME” she screamed at him, her face red, in anger and frustration. Tears rolled down her face, and all of a sudden Steve managed to spin her, and pull her arms in behind her back and hold her against his chest. She tried to kick but this time he wasn’t holding back and he held her still.

“Natalia Stephanie Winter will you calm down.” He told her, sternly and she gave up the fight. And he softened his grip and she fell to her hands and knees. “Why is everyone lying to me” Steve knelt down to her and softly told her “We weren’t lying. I know it feels like it right now but we did everything we could to keep you safe from this. You can see your Mum later, but I don’t know about Bucky. There are procedures that need to be followed”. She shook her head in frustration, she hated this. They had all known and kept her in the dark. This is why Elizabeth was here, distracting her while they were all away. 

“Bucky risked his life with me for her” she said as quietly as a whisper, and Steve stared in shock. He went to put his arm around her and shouted “DON’T TOUCH ME. GET. OUT” and pushed him away from her. He stood up and walked away, surveying the destruction of her room. She sat on the floor and cried, she had destroyed everything. “Natty. I will be in my room when you need me. Fury will come and get you when your Mum is awake” and he closed the door. Fury and Elizabeth were in the hallway dumbfounded. No one had expected that reaction. The tears yes, but the anger? 

“I will ask F.R.I.D.A.Y to organise clean up” Steve stated. Elizabeth gawked at Fury and Steve as Fury nodded in agreement to Steve’s statement. “What the hell was that?” she said when it was clear that neither of the men were going to offer up an explanation. 

“It appears she didn’t just inherit Bucky’s dark hair and blue eyes. She has some connection to super strength but it only appears when she is upset or angry. Bucky has been trying to train with her for her to learn how to control it” Steve explained matter of factly. “Well evidently it is not working” Fury replied, looking at his phone, reading a message that had just come through. He looked at Steve and asked “Captain, have you got five minutes?” and they nodded leaving Elizabeth in the corridor, unsure of which Winter to go and be with. She decided to go to you, and let Natty have space and time. Natty did none of this, she packed a bag and climbed out of the window, unbeknownst to the team. 

————————————

Fury walked into Steve’s room and Natasha was lying on the bed reading a report. “Oh, I will give you space” she said as she saw the company that Steve had brought with him. “You can stay” Fury turned to Natasha and she put down the report and looked at the two men. 

“They have taken Barnes to the Raft” 

“WHAT?!” Steve shouted and Natasha jumped up off of the bed. Fury put his hands up and continued to speak “Rogers, Romanoff, look at it from their perspective. He stole a jet, and went to a HYDRA base, the location he received in a secret message, and did not tell a soul where he was going. There are questions he has to answer, it’s out of my hands. There is a hearing in a week, but until then he is being kept in the raft.” Steve was shaking his head at every word, he was livid. This was an overreaction for sure. There were places they could have kept him, they did not need to take him to the Raft. 

“What ever you are thinking, DON’T” Fury added as he noticed the look exchanged between Natasha and Steve. 

“There’s more” Fury said, causing Natasha and Steve to turn back to him and Natasha signalled with her hands for him to continue. “The reason we have kept Y/N in an induced coma is that Bruce discovered track marks when he was doing the blood transfusion. We don’t know what they did, but we know they have experimented on her. Add that to using Barnes’s blood, we have no idea what is going to happen when we wake her up. Her blood work is not giving us any clues. Whatever they did, it could indicate how she was able to last as long as she did.”

The three stood in silence. Natasha and Steve had no words. The silence only broken when Fury’s phone alerted him and he looked at the two Avengers and said “She’s awake.” 


	21. Chapter 21

He lay in bed, the glow of sunlight seeping in around the edges where the blinds didn’t quite fill the window completely. He has spent the last two days in the bed, only leaving it to use the bathroom and to eat the limited snacks he had in his room. He felt exhausted. Emotionally, and physically. The hearing had been a trial in itself. His heart had sunk when heard the words house arrest, and that is the last he registered until Steve had brought him in to his room. He hadn’t remembered the drive home. He was lost in his mind. He had tried to call Natty but it went to voicemail. 

“Hi this is Natalia, and I don’t answer my phone so text me, unless your my mum or dad, I’m not available” 

Steve had told him that Natty was furious at them both. She was refusing to speak to either Bucky or you. He knew why she was upset and angry. He had explained to her the risk of his freedom if he broke probation, and he promised her he would never do anything to jeopardise the life they had together. He wanted to be her father, full time, all the time and that she was the most important thing in his life. Running off to save you had ruined that. Steve was checking in with him every few hours. They fitted the monitor on his ankle shortly after he returned to the Compound and they gave him the rules. No leaving the grounds or he would complete the rest of his sentence in the raft. He was going to do everything he could to never set foot in that prison again. He just wanted to spend a few more days wallowing in his own sadness. 

“Bucky, this arrived for you” Steve walked into his room, without knocking. Bucky barely acknowledged his presence in the room. Steve walked over to the blinds and opened them, causing Bucky to groan out loud at the light violating his eyes and space. Steve threw the letter on the bed and Bucky pulled himself up to sitting. His back hitting the bed frame. He opened the letter. He read in silence, and Steve turned round to face him when he heard Bucky stuttering “no….no… she can’t” 

Steve crossed the room and Bucky held the letter out for him. His eyes flitted back and forth before he announced “she’s not going to get away with this” and walked out of the room, leaving Bucky sitting there, a single tear rolling down his cheek. 

—————————

Your recovery had been faster than expected. Tony and Pepper fussed over you, and with the daily check ins from Fury you were getting frustrated. Natty called once a day to check in with you but she was still living with May and Peter out in Queens and barely talking to you. She would give you one word answers, and was barely civil to you. You had been informed by Fury that she blamed you for Bucky’s imprisonment. Fury had tried to reason with her, that he had acted on instinct in going to you, but Natty was not behaving with reason. Bucky had been placed under house arrest, six months and then on probation for another year. From what Fury had reported Natty was just as angry at Bucky as she was at you. Never try and understand the logic of a 16 year old girl. You found yourself sitting at your desk trying to concentrate on the files in front of you. They were piled high. The personnel files of the Avengers. You were taking on the role of Director of Avengers Initiative in a week and you wanted to be prepared. The knock on the door broke your concentration and you called out “come in”. You expected it to be Tony, catching you in your office and about to deliver a class in hypocrisy about taking time to recover after an injury. You looked up and your eyes open wide, your hand slipped under the desk to feel the cold metal of your gun. Natasha stood in front of you. She closed the door and your brain kicked in “I’d rather you kept that open” and she turned round and opened the door, just a little. You closed the file you were reading, Clint Barton written across the top of it. 

“Look.. I wanted to talk” Natasha asked, holding her hands up. You eyed her suspiciously. The last time she had wanted to talk she had pulled a gun on you. 

“I’m unarmed. I just want to talk” and you nodded your head towards the chair in front of you and she sat down in front of you. You kept your hand tight on the gun. You waited with baited breath to see what she wanted to talk to you about. 

“I am glad to see you’re better” she said, and you just watched her, sizing her up. Rationally you knew she wasn’t here to fight, but you still didn’t feel safe to remove your hand from your gun. 

“I am feeling more human, well whatever part of me still is human” you reply to her, and she flinched at the frustration in your voice. 

“What do I call you? Director Winter?” she asked, giving you a genuine smile, and you were reminded of all those years ago of the first time you had met her. It was if the 15 year old girl was sitting in front of you, and you were a young 20 year old. “You can call me Y/N. Please do not call Director Winter.” She nodded, and she sat in front of you with her arms folded. The two of you sat in silence, Natasha looking at the floor and you lifted your hand off of the gun. You sat back in the chair and winced as you felt the pain in your healing ribs. 

“I want to apologise for how I have behaved. I just… I wanted you to know this”

“I…” you started, but stopped. You had so much you wanted to tell her, so much to say to her but now you had the opportunity you find yourself unsure of the words. You took a deep breath and exhaled. “I have my own apologies to make. I should never have left you there” Natasha shook her head at your words. “I wouldn’t be here if you had.” she muttered at you. Taking a deep breath, your eyes closed and opened again, looking at her. “Shall we both accept we can’t change the past?” you asked, and she looked down, before looking up at you with a smirk “I’d really like that”. The two of you share a smile and you feel the tension from your shoulders lifting. A tension you were unaware you had been holding since the moment she walked in to your office. 

The crash of the door brought you both out of the almost tender moment. Steve stood there, the glass door had shattered. He held a piece of paper in his hand and shouted “YOU HAVE GOT TO BE KIDDING” You stood up, ready to stand your ground. You took a deep breath, and winced. “I am not” Natasha watched the two of you, Steve’s eyebrows raised and your hands braced against the desk. You were unsure of what Steve was going to do, but you had done what you needed to. 

“You filed for full custody?” 

You felt both Natasha and Steve’s eyes on you. You knew filing for full custody was a bold move but what Natty needed right now was stability, and with Bucky under house arrest and living in the Compound he was unable to offer her that. You could offer her the stability. She could live with you, and still travel to school with Peter. You had found an apartment, a two bed not far from the tower. You had asked Natty to come along and meet you later so you could show her. 

“Captain Rogers, Steve.” You put your hands up. “This isn’t about him. It’s about what is best for Natalia. What she needs right now is stability and I can offer her that, he can’t” this was about him, deep down you knew it was but you were not about to admit this to him, Natasha or yourself. 

“You can’t do this. You can’t do this to him. He needs Natty around him” Steve stepped towards you and you were grateful for the desk that was placed between the two of you. You didn’t care what he needed. You wanted what was best for Natalia, and that was here, with you. 

“She likes going to that school, it is good for her to be around kids her own age. Steve I am not backing down on this. Natty is coming to live with me, at least until Bucky’s house arrest is up. Natalia doesn’t need to be ferried between houses, a weekend here, a couple of days there. She needs a home and I can give that to her. He can’t. Not at the moment” 

Steve shook his head at you, and Natasha just stared at you. 

“We’re going to fight it. He’s going to fight it.” 

“Steve, I am not doing this out of malice.” you called out to him as he walked out and Natasha looked at you, and gave you a comforting smile before following him out of your office. You collapse in to your chair. Knowing you were in for a fight. 


	22. Chapter 22

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> There is mentions of PTSD flashback in this chapter.

She slammed her bedroom door shut and threw her backpack on the ground next to her bed. She kicked off her shoes. She threw herself on to the bed, face first. She was sick of the fighting. Everything in her life was so overwhelming and she often used the sanctuary of her bedroom to hide from everyone. She kicked the covers down and climbed into them. She pulled her pillow over her head and lay there for a moment alone with her thoughts. They whirled around her head and it was difficult for her to concentrate on one single thought, or feeling let alone the school work she needed to. She had begrudgingly moved in with her Mum after May and Fury had persuaded her that it was best for her. She knew staying with May and Peter had been a short term plan and she had given in when Peter had even suggested that perhaps this was an opportunity to really build a life in New York with both of her parents. He had also made good points about still being able to go to school together, something she loved. Her life in London was fine, but that was it, fine. She never really felt that she had close friends, however she had now been in New York for almost a year and built relationships with friends, and extended family that she could have only dreamt of when she lived in London. Her relationship with her parents was in tatters, and she couldn’t explain why she was so angry at her parents. She just was. Now her anger was directed at the fighting they were currently doing over her. She had moved in with you and discovered that you had petitioned for full custody, and restricted visits to the compound. She was barely allowed to come to the Tower. The battle lines had been drawn. Court visits, social workers visiting the apartment, and now she could only have supervised visits with her Dad. He was on house arrest and it was felt that until he could pass an evaluation from the family courts that she would not be allowed to be with him on their own. This was all your fault. Or so Natty would tell you on a regular basis. The social workers were nice, they were kind but they also watched her every move. She had a strict schedule and her movements were monitored by you, the downside of her mother being the Director of Avengers Initiative, the constant surveillance for her own protection. They had managed to keep the identity of her father a secret, it was assumed another high ranking official from S.H.I.E.L.D. The reason she was hiding under her covers was from the impending visit from Steve, who was due to take you to the Compound for the afternoon. She had claimed she didn’t want to go if the watcher was going to be there. How was she expected to hang out with her Dad if there was a strange man just watching everything they did. You had tried to reason with her and she had stormed off thankfully not breaking anything this time.

“Natty!” she heard your voice calling from outside of her bedroom. You knocked gently and she pulled the pillow over her head harder. You knocked again and tried the door handle and you opened the door slowly. The room was a mess. Clothes lay discarded all over the floor with books littered on top. You made a mental note to get her to unpack properly and to tidy her room. This was your home now and she needed to start treating it as such. Her belongings from London sat in boxes piled up and unopened. You had asked her for the last two weeks to unpack but obviously this was her way of rebelling by ignoring you and living out of suitcases which Natasha and Tony had sent over from the Compound.

“Natalia Stephanie Winter. Get your bag, I am taking you to the Compound”. You informed her, your hand holding firmly on the door handle and standing at the entrance. Natty did not like it when you were in her room, so standing at the entrance was a safe distance away from a possible teenage meltdown. Steve had called to cancel as he was unable to travel in to the city, and you wanted to ensure that Natty not attending today’s appointment couldn’t be used against you. You also needed Wanda to have a look over some documents, so it would make sense for you to go over with them and talk to her directly. You had agreed with Steve that you would stay in the office areas and Bucky would be told to stay in the residential areas. The two of you had not spoken since he had kissed you in the cell. All conversation had been conducted between Steve and yourself, or lawyers.

“Mum. Why do I have to go. I don’t want to see him” Natty replied, lifting the pillow off of her head. You sighed heavily. Her behaviour towards Bucky was getting tiresome. She seemed so angry that he was under house arrest. She had accepted the monitored phone calls with Bucky even after coercion from you. She was angry at you, but Bucky took the brunt of the frustration. Steve had accused you of poisoning her against Bucky and this couldn’t have been further from the truth. You had tried to get her to see what he did was for Natty, and not you but that would have required you explaining more about your history with him and you were not about to do that.

“Natty, how long are you going to punish him for this?” you asked cautiously, anticipating the winter soldier genes to show themselves with a violent outburst. Instead she huffed loudly and sat up on the bed. She slipped her feet in to her waiting trainers and picked up her bag “fine. Let’s go.” You led the way to the car and knew that this was the last thing she was going to say to you for the entire car journey.

———–

“Just a heads up, Y/N is bringing Natty to the compound. I have agreed that you will stay in the residential area and the lawyers have agreed that Natasha can be the official supervising.” Steve’s voice rang through the room as Bucky had him on speakerphone. He was desperately trying to get his hair to behave. He was nervous. This was his first physical visit with Natty since being released to the compound for house arrest. He had monitored phone calls with her, but this visit had to go well. His body released a small amount of tension hearing Steve tell him that Natasha would be the supervisor, his concern had been some court mandated randomer who would put both Natty and him on edge. “Thanks Steve. I really do appreciate all of your help with this.” Bucky replied, setting down his comb and giving up and tying it up out of the way. The concern in Steve’s voice was evident, and if he could have been there he would have but he had been called to Washington by Fury at the last minute. “Buck, this will be fine. Just stay out of Y/N’s way and she will stay out of yours.”

Bucky had refused to answer questions about the time you had shared together in the cell. It was too personal. It was too close. When he had kissed you he felt the way you had melted in to his touch and emotion had fuelled his body. He felt as if he had always known you. He has wanted the memories back, and as he kissed you he felt them connecting as if the missing jigsaw piece clicked in to place. The two of you had found solace in each other, you had found a piece of Bucky sitting behind the surface of the winter soldier and clung on to him. He remembered how he would try and catch your eye when he thought no one was watching the two of you and smile, how he would send you signals, and how you would rest your head on his shoulder and sleep soundly. “Buck?” Steve’s voice rang out and he was pulled back to the present “sorry, was just thinking. I will stay out of her way, she needs to stay out of mine” he replied coldly.

The memories fresh in his mind were overtaken by the way she looked at him with disgust, the way she had behaved with such cruelty towards him since he had found out about her. She had been cold, distance and laughed in his face when he had asked for help remembering his time with her. Her inability to accept his place in Natty’s life frustrated him and now to actively take her away from him and using the house arrest against him was a new low. He was only in this situation because of her. She had sent him a message, and he had answered her. She was fucking with his mind and he wanted nothing to do with her.

“She has agreed. She is meeting Wanda about some mission and will stay on the office floors. You need to stay in the residential area. I need you to promise you won’t go looking for her. Our lawyers have advised that you do not speak directly to her, I am not saying she will use it against us in court but we need to show a united front and she might try and provoke you.” Steve continued and Bucky nodded and coldly replied “promise. Fuck. why is she doing this?” Deep down he knew she was doing this to punish him for the way he had spoken to her before they had been rescued.

“Stability for Natty apparently. Buck, just play by the rules and you’ll get joint custody. She’s 16. They will take in to consideration what Natty wants, so just be her dad. Be the Bucky she loves and you will be fine. What have you got planned for the afternoon?” Steve asked and Bucky smiled. Steve had a point. Natty would have a say, and if he could get her to see that he had acted on instinct for her, then there was a possibility that joint custody would be awarded.

“I thought we could watch a movie. I bought all her favourite snacks and I have set up a pillow fort in the living room. I even got Natasha to buy the face masks she likes so I can make up for the night I missed with her.”

“Sounds great Bucky, it will be ok. Just remember, she loves you and you’re a great dad. Don’t let Y/N get in your head. Look, I have to go but have fun. I’ll see you tonight when I get back”. He exhaled and ended the call with Steve. He walked to the living room to ensure that everything was set up and found Natasha staring at her phone. She looked up as she heard his footsteps and gave him a smile filled with pity. This situation was taking its toll on the team as you were the Director of the Avengers Initiative, effectively their boss and you were taking Bucky to court to fight for custody of Natty, someone they had all come to see as a member of their found family.

“Thanks for doing this Nat. I really appreciate it” Bucky said, checking that everything was ready for her arrival.

“I have to be with Natty at all times if you are around. I also have to make notes about what you discuss. I am really sorry about all this” Natasha said not looking up at him. “Just reading the rules of how I need to behave around my own daughter?” he asked, trying to keep his frustration at bay and Natasha nodded.

“This is such bullshit. I am not a danger to Natty.” and Natasha hesitated. He stared at her and gestured with his hands to continue the thought she clearly had. She exhaled, and looked at him with kindness in her eyes. “Bucky, I know that. We all know that but on paper it doesn’t look good. Just play by the courts rules and this will all be sorted. It’s an overreaction of Y/N but you can’t blame her. She just wants Natty to be safe”

Bucky could feel the frustration and anger bubbling up with every word Natasha said to your defense.

“So you agree with her? That I should be supervised with Natty?” he said, the frustration clear in his tone and she shook her head. “No Buck. You and Y/N both experienced something really traumatic, and this is her way of dealing with it. I am not saying it is right but she wants Natty to have some stability, some structure to her life and the last year hasn’t been that at all. She’s a teenager and is great at adapting but this is a stressful time for all three of you. Just jump through the hoops, for Natty. Y/N will come round, but for the moment just do as your told and do it for Natty”

He shook his head and muttered “this is such bullshit” and they both looked to their phones as they were notified by F.R.I.D.A.Y of Natty and Y/N’s arrival at the main gate.

“Wait here, I will go and meet them. Just remember. You are doing this to spend time with your daughter and your friend. Try to ignore the other stuff. Enjoy it.” and she left him alone with his anxiety. He had never thought of this as a reaction to the trauma of the kidnapping, but perhaps this wasn’t about him but actually about gaining a level of control back in your life.

———

You had finished meeting with Wanda quickly and then set off for the next meeting. You walked through the compound looking for the correct office. Your visit to Wanda was only one of the reasons you had needed to come to the compound. You had been avoiding Dr Cho and Bruce for a couple of weeks now, pretending that everything was ok and that you didn’t need to see them, but the truth was you did, and you needed to be honest with them. They had both promised they would keep the meeting off of the books, and you had agreed to sit down with them both. You walked down the corridor until you found Bruce’s office and stood there staring at the door. The moment you knocked your world would change, you knew this and it was almost to much to deal with but you knew that to be the best mother you could be you needed to be responsible. You took a deep breath and knocked on the door, and it was opened in an instant. Dr Cho stood there, and Bruce was behind his desk with papers covering it. You offered them both a smile and they looked at you, and Bruce signalled for you to sit down. You could feel your heart beating in your throat.

“Director Winter” Bruce started and you interrupted him “Y/N, please” and he started again, “Y/N, Dr Cho and I have reviewed your blood work, pre and post transfusion and we have a clearer idea of what you were injected with” Bruce paused, unhelpfully and you felt sick to your stomach. You could sense Dr Cho watching you, she was seated next to you, her hands in her lap. It wasn’t good news, that much you could tell from the two of them. You could sense what was coming, but still you needed to hear it from his mouth. You watched him look through the paperwork and pulled out one piece that you could see your name on the top of.

“Super soldier serum, right?” you said, almost at a whisper. Bruce nodded. You sat back in the chair and breathed out “fuck”. Your head fell backwards and you wanted to laugh. “We wanted to tell you face to face” Dr Cho said softly and you allowed your head to lull from side to side. The words washing over you. You knew already. You had known the moment that your recovery was faster than ever expected. You had noticed all of the changes in your body but had tried to push that nagging voice to the back of your mind.

“Have you noticed any changes?” Bruce asked and you nodded because truth be told this is why you had avoided it. Everything was different now.

“You said pre and post transfusion, is there anyway this could have come from the transfusion” you asked. Bruce shook his head, and handed the piece of paper to you. It was a series of complicated charts and he pointed “see, these markers, there’s no difference. We took blood before we discovered the internal bleeding and they have the same markers after the transfusion.”

Your hands covered your face, and you ran them over and up through your hair. “And you’re sure its the super soldier serum?” you asked, hoping for any other answer than the one you knew Bruce was about to give you.

“You were given a similar formula to Bucky, so it confirms they are still working on trying to replicate it. I would assume that as you were able to carry Natty to full term they suspected you were someone who could take the testing”

You exhaled and could feel the tears building. You were determined not to cry, not here. You could do that in the safety of your own bedroom. Far away from this life. The one thought playing over and over in your mind I should never have sent her away. All of this was because he was back in your life.

“Is there anything we can do?” you asked, and Bruce looked at you quizzically. “Do? What do you mean?”

“I want it out of me. I don’t want this” you whispered, the tears welling up and you were unable to control them, then slid slowly down your face. Dr Cho reached over and gripped your hand tightly.

“Y/N. We can’t reverse what they have done. I am sorry. Can I call someone?” and you shake your head, you’re unable to form words.

“Can we keep this between us?” you manage to stutter out and he nodded. He opened his mouth to speak but Dr Cho interrupted “we have reported this to Fury, but no one else, and we won’t. But Y/N, maybe you should speak to Steve and Bucky, they know” and your head looked straight at her and you cut her off. “No. You will not tell them about this, Fury and no one else.” You stood up and straightened your shirt and they both nodded at you. You walked out of the office and managed to find an empty office with the door unlocked and you let yourself in. Your head was spinning and you could feel your chest tightening. Your thoughts were locked on Natty, and how could you keep her safe. You tried to remember the experiments, the room you had been held in. Your breathing became restricted and you steadied yourself against the wall. The last thing you remember before your thoughts clouded and your vision blurred was the smell of him.

——–

He sat fully upright, his body filled with tension. He was on edge. Natty had barely spoken a word to him. He didn’t know what to say to her so he had handed her the remote and she had put on a film, but Bucky wasn’t paying attention. The pressure he felt sitting next to her was too much. He was tense. He watched as Natty played on her phone and occasionally looked up at the film, or reached out to grab snacks. Natasha was sitting on the other side of Natty and she looked over to Bucky who was staring at the screen. She leaned back and slapped the back of his head. He looked at her and she mouthed “talk to her” and him and he coughed, clearing his throat.

“So, how’s school?” he asked and Natty looked up at him, and then back to her phone “it’s fine”. Natasha eyed him and he continued “have you made lots of friends” and she didn’t look up and replied “sure.” He exhaled, unsure of how to keep a conversation going with someone who clearly didn’t want to talk to him. “Natalia, I am really sorry about this whole situation” he said looking at her, hoping that she would put her phone down. She looked up at him, his face filled with regret. She shrugged her shoulders and simply stated “I know. Doesn’t change the situation though, does it Bucky.”

The word Bucky felt like a dagger to his chest. He could feel the tears building up and he exhaled again. She turned to Natasha “Hey Nat, can I go and call Peter about the party tonight?” and she nodded at her “you can use my room” and Natty skipped out of the room. Natasha reached over and gave his flesh arm a gentle squeeze. “Give her time, she’ll come around, she did before” and he nodded, unable to form words. His phone vibrated against his leg, and he pulled it out thinking it would be Steve checking in with him but it was a security alert that someone had accessed his office.

“I just need to go and check my office. I’ll be back. Try and talk to her when she comes back, she might be happier talking to you.” and he got up and jogged towards his office. He opened the door and looked around, before noticing you on the floor. You were lying on the floor. Your eyes were glazed over and your head was rocking back and forth. Your breathing panicked and shallow. 

“Y/N what the hell are you doing?!” he dropped to his knees and you screamed. You let out a blood chilling scream. “I don’t know anything.” you just kept muttering, over and over again. Bucky watched you for a moment before you softly said “I don’t know anything about the winter soldier. I don’t know where he is. Please, please I am not who you think I am. I am not Zasha. I don’t know her”

Bucky reeled. He tried to reach out to you and you screamed again. You were in the middle of a flashback. He knew how carefully he needed to act to help you. He had his fair share of them. You cried out “Stop, please, no more”.

“Y/N can you hear my voice? Listen to my voice. Can you hear me?” and you looked up at him. You nodded, your eyes trying to concentrate on him. “I need you to take a deep breath, can you do that?” and you nodded and followed his instructions.

“Y/N, you are having a flashback. You are safe” he said gently, and you shake your head “no, they are going to hurt me again. Needles. The chamber, I can’t” Bucky’s eyes shot wide open. 

“Y/N. I need you to listen to me, you are in my office. You’re in the compound. Can you tell me what you see”

You nodded, and started to describe the office to him and your breathing became ragged again. “Y/N, can you match my breathing, ready, we’re going to take one deep breath in, and then out” The two of you sat there, you listened to Bucky coaching you through your breathing. You felt the cloud slowly lifting from your mind. The spinning of the room slowing and your eyes focused on those of Bucky’s eyes. The tightness in your chest eased and you refocused on the room. He was staring in to your eyes, and you blinked, over and over before sitting up.

“What just happened” you muttered as you look around your surroundings. Bucky on his knees in front of you, his hands on his thighs watching you as you beginning to control your breathing.

“Y/N, how long has this been going on?” and you looked away from him. You didn’t want to be honest with him. “Y/N. I am serious. You’re having PTSD flashbacks. How long has this been going on?”

“I don’t know what you’re talking about.” you struggled to your feet and try to walk out of the door before he grabbed your arm. “Y/N you can’t pretend. These aren’t going to go away on their own”. You ripped your arm free from his grip and walked down the corridor and he heard you on the phone “Natty, time to go”.

Bucky stood there and pulled his phone out, scrolling down to Steve’s name he hit call. “Hey Buddy, how’s it going?” Steve said and Bucky allowed the anger and frustration that he had held in his chest all day to explode at Steve “They experimented on her? Do you not think that is something I needed to know?”


	23. Chapter 23

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Mentions of panic attacks.

You poured yourself a glass of water and looked at the empty chairs in front of you. Taking a swig of water you went over your notes again. You were preparing for your first mission briefing with the Avengers, and it was awkward to say the least. You hated being in the Compound. You knew he was here and it made you nervous. You had been trying to ignore the reality of your life since Bruce and Dr Cho had told you the devastating news three days ago. You had buried yourself in work. Natty had barely said a word to you Steve was barely speaking to you and Natasha was trialing peacemaking. The mission would involve Steve, Sam and Natasha infiltrating and destroying a suspected hydra cell. The mission should take a total of a couple of hours maximum, and this was your first mission you were leading on since taking the mantle of Director of Avengers Initiative. The overwhelming sense of dread that filled your body as you knew that you were about to present to Bucky’s closest family took ahold of your mind. Steve was barely civil to you, but Natasha was polite and Sam was largely indifferent to you. You took a couple of deep breaths and nodded to yourself as you reminded yourself of the slides you were about to go over with them.

You looked up as you heard the glass door open and the three Avengers walked in and sat down as expected.

“Director Winter” Steve acknowledged, but barely looked at you.

“Thank you for joining me today. I have a couple of slides to go through, but am happy to listen to ideas of how you want this infiltrate and destroy should go.” You watched as Steve sat there with his arms folded, almost ready for a fight. Natasha and Sam sat forward, their arms resting on the table. You nodded at the three of them and began the presentation.

You were able to finish with no interruptions from Steve, and Natasha smiled at you and you allowed yourself to relax for a moment.

“Tony has given these detonators which need to be placed at these strategic points” you indicate on the floorplan of the building and Sam nodded at you.

“Wheels up in 30” you tell them and they nod, and get up to leave. Natasha hangs back and before leaving the room she looked at you and told you “you did good” and when the door closed you let out the breath that you didn’t realise you had been partially holding for the briefing.

You prepared yourself, and headed to the situation room to get ready. It was only going to be a short flight thanks to Stark technology. You poured yourself a cup of coffee and took a seat waiting for the mission to begin.

—-

You watched the mission through the camera fitted to Sam, Steve and Natasha, and with your ear piece you listened to the way the team worked together. They worked beautifully together. They moved with trust and as if they knew what each other was going to do before they did it. They didn’t need to tell each other their next movements, it was as if you were watching a delicate dance.

You stood there, with multiple screens in front of you, and you could see that this mission was a breeze for them. Steve entered the building with ease and as he did you heard through his comms “now!” screamed out, but it wasn’t Steve’s voice. It was someone else. There was an explosion, and you called “steve. Come in steve” but all you could focus on was the low laugh of the man who had shouted “now.”

Your heart rate spiked, and you felt your head cloud. It was as if something was taking over your body, your mind and you were losing control. The sweat began to pool at the back of your neck, covering your hairline. You stumble backwards and fall into a waiting chair.

“F.R.I.D.A.Y. Who is here in the compound?” you manage to say and you hear the response “Only Sergeant Barnes” the AI response and before the panic attack completely takes hold you utter “alert him. I need help”.

Bucky moves with an urgency that he can’t explain. He bursts through the door of the situation room and finds you on the floor shaking and hyper-ventalting.

“Fuck. not again. Y/N. Y/N can you hear me?” he calls out as he throws himself on to the floor in front of you.

“Talk to me Y/N. Tell me where you are” he said and you look at him. “i…I….he’s there” you mutter between hyper-ventilating breathes. He looked up to the screen and can see Natasha and Sam helping Steve back to the jet.

“Winter. Mission accomplished” Sam called out and Bucky looked at you lying on the floor.

“Y/N you and I are going to breathe again, together. Ready? One big deep breath. 1, 2, 3 and then out.” you listen to his voice and follow his instructions. He guides you through your breathing and you look up at him. He is kneeling in front of you, and he’s pulled you close against him. Your eyes stare in to his and you burst in to tears. Your sobs are loud, and cause your body to shake. He holds you close and he runs his flesh hand over your back.

“You’re ok. You’re safe” he repeats, over and over again. You allow yourself to cry and relax in to his body. He lets you lie there against his chest and you curse your mind. You are sick of feeling like this, and now this is the second time he has come to save you. You sniff, and pull back from him.

“I’m fine’ you say standing up wiping your face with your fingers, and Bucky stayed on the floor on his knees looking up at you. You exhale a deep breath and pick up your ear piece.

“Thanks Sam. debrief in 45” and you sit back down. Bucky watched you, and stared at you aghast. How could you move from sobbing on the floor to now pretending that he had not found you alone, having a panic attack on the floor. He coughed, and turned and acknowledged him.

“Thank you Bucky. I appreciate it. I can take it from here” and he watched you as he stood up, and walked out of the room unsure of what on earth had just happened.

———–

The gentle ringtone of facetime started and Natty looked over to her laptop which was on her bed. She was sitting at her desk desperately trying to complete her homework. She looked over and saw the photo of her and Bucky flash up showing it was him calling. She bounded over to her laptop and hit answer as she lay down on her bed.

“Hi Dad!” she called out and he beamed. He was sitting at the kitchen table, she could tell from the background.

“Hey kiddo. How is school?” he asked and she began to animatedly tell him about a party she had gone to with Peter and MJ. He listened intently, and watched as she told the story. He was a good listener, and he laughed when he should have and tried really hard not to scowl when she said there was a boy she had a crush on.

Natty had softened towards him after their hang out at the compound. He had built them a pillow fort, just like she had after the last party and perhaps, she should stop punishing him. You had explained to her in the car journey back from the compound that everything Bucky did was for her.

“So the party was fun then? What do you want to do when you next come over?” Bucky asked and he held up a pen and paper, indicating that he was ready to take notes.

“Dad! You don’t have to plan so much. I just wanna hang out. Can we watch movies?” she laughed and his eyes sparkled as he allowed the warmth of her laugh wash over him. He’d missed this, he had missed the way she relaxed around him.

“Oh! Dad, i forgot to tell you, I finally worked out how to do that pin movement. Peter is not happy with me!” she beamed with pride, and he laughed. He felt a lot more comfortable about her dating knowing that she was keeping up with her training and that she could destroy any teenage boy who tried to pull a fast one on her.

“Natty. You know I am proud of you.” he told her and she began to cry. He leaned forward to the screen, and desperately wanted to be able to comfort her.

“Dad. why are you so nice to me. I am so horrible to you.” and he shook his head. He knew that she was hurting and that she had taken it out on him.

“Natty. I know I hurt you, and I will always be proud of you. I just want to be your dad, and sometimes you’re going to be annoyed at me and that’s fine. I know you love me and I love you”

Natty sobbed harder and shook her head at him “Dad, I’m so sorry. I do love you. I was just scared. I have only just got to know you and I don’t want to lose you.”

“And Natalia, you won’t. I am not going anywhere.”

“You can’t you’re under house arrest” she quipped back with a smile and she wiped away her tears. He beamed at her, and smiled at her. “Natalia. I am not going anywhere, and not because the government says I can’t. You’re stuck with me now sweetie”.

Hovering at her bedroom door you stand listening to their conversation and listen. You heard the way he comforted her and you felt sick. Whether you liked it or not he was her father, and the way they spoke to each other caused a wave of shame to pour over you. This was bigger than you, and him. This was bigger than the past you had shared and the sinking feeling that you were losing her to him. She never was only yours. You now needed to learn to share with him. Share the most important person in your life with a man who could barely look at you, but when you had needed someone he had always been there. No questions, and now he was dealing with the repercussions. Hearing the call was ending you walked in to your kitchen and silently began to make two cups of tea, if in doubt tea would always make things better. You needed to talk to Natty openly, and listen to her. Listen to what she wanted, not what you wanted for her and it was evident to you that she wanted to have him in her life, desperately and whether you accepted it or not you were stopping this. Carefully carrying the cups to her bedroom you called out “Natty, can you open the door please?” and paused. You could hear slow movements of your daughter approaching the door and she opened it. You handed her the cup immediately. “I think we need to talk” you stated and her head dropped. The last time you had had this conversation with her it had resulted in you packing a suitcase as a 15 year old sobbed and begged not to leave your side. She stared in to her cup of tea as she walked to her bed and sat down, not daring to look up at you. You clear a space on her desk to put down your cup, noticing all of the papers across the desk and making a mental note to ask her about school work once you have talked to her.

She watched you as she drank slowly from her cup. She watched as you looked at her desk and saw the photos of her with Peter, MJ and Ned, as well as photos of her with Bucky. She looked happy, but the girl sitting in front of you now had a shadow of darkness hanging over her.

“Mum. Are you about to tell me we’re going back to London?” she said quietly, trying to read your reaction. You gently shook your head and walked towards her, taking a seat on the edge of her bed.

“No darling. New York is our home now.” you reply trying to soothe her with a smile. She stared at her cup and took another mouthful of the tea.

“I want to talk to you about your dad” you start and she rolled her eyes at you. You took a deep breath and continued “I haven’t been fair to you or Bucky. I want you to have a relationship with him. He’s your father.”

You reached out and took her spare hand and squeezed it softly. “You’re sixteen. I have never asked you what you want. I have pushed and pushed for you to live here with me. I want you to be safe, and here with me but you have a choice. Where do you want to live?”

She looked away from you and the moment she pulled her hand softly away from yours you knew. She was going to choose him. She took another mouthful of tea and you mirrored her actions, drinking from your own cup, allowing the hot liquid to soothe you. You knew you had to be strong in front of her. She was going to choose him and that is fine, you had to respect her decisions even if it did break your heart. She looked up at you and you took a deep breath to prepare yourself.

“I want to live here. But I want weekends with Dad” she stated and you nodded. You could almost cry with relief.

“Natalia, unless there’s a mission away from the compound. I can’t see a problem with this. First thing in the morning I will make a call”

She beamed at you “no more lawyers? No more people watching us?” and you stood up. You reached over to her and your hand gently stroked her cheek. “No more lawyers”. You took her empty cup from her and walked towards her bedroom door but you stopped when she said “Thanks Mum, I know you hate Dad, but you’d really like him if you got to know him”

You hovered at the door. The pain of her words coarsed through your veins. You didn’t hate him. Far from it. You turned to face her and told her “I don’t hate him Natty. I can’t hate him. If it wasn’t for him I wouldn’t have you. Now, homework.” you nodded towards her desk and left the room.

—————-

The low light of your bedroom lamp filled your room with a yellow glow. You’re lying in bed trying to read over the report from the mission earlier today but failing miserable. 

The chime of your phone caused you to put down your laptop and you picked up the phone. There was a notification from an unknown number. Opening it you saw a link and then three bubbles flashing. You paused with baited breath unsure of what the next message would say but you knew not to open it.

_If you won’t tell Cho, then this link has help for ptsd. You need to look after yourself if not for you, then Natalia._

You squinted at the message. Your heart began to beat faster. You didn’t want to admit you knew who this message was from and your finger hovered over the link cautiously thinking about clicking it. Before you did another message came through.

_Y/N please, the episodes are only going to get more frequent unless you get help._

You clicked the link and began to read. You knew who it was from and you knew what you needed to do. You closed the link and hit the call button and you held your breath as the chiming of the dial tone rang out, your pulse quickening the longer it rang. The call clicked and you heard his voice, guarded and cautious “Hello”. You exhaled the breath you had held as the phone had dialled “Bucky?”

“Y/N?” he replied, emotionless. He held back what he wanted to say, because he knew he had overstepped the rules by messaging you but he couldn’t sit back and watch you suffer alone.

“I’m overstepping I know but you need to get help. They are only going to get worse. You need help. I want to help” he said, before you could speak. The words washed over you and you wanted to rage at him. You didn’t need his help. You stopped yourself from reacting to him remembering the reason for this call. You needed to tell him Natty’s wishes.

“I am calling off the lawyer.” you stated and you heard him exhale. His voice was choked as he said “why are you doing that?”. You could feel the tears building behind your eyes and the sickness in your stomach sitting there, clouding your judgement. “Because, you’re not just her father Bucky, you’re her dad”.

The two of you stayed silent, as you heard his gentle sobs from the otherside of the phone. You felt guilt, you felt guilty for causing him this pain. You knew that you were just trying to do the best for Natalia. It had been the two of you for so long, and the truth was you didn’t know Bucky. You had shared a couple of months together 16 years and even then you had been lying to him.

“I didn’t mean… I wasn’t trying to take her away from you” you say, and you heard the muffled sobs stop. “I know. You just want what is best for her, but Y/N, I have never loved anyone the way I love her. I would protect her with my life”

Your head hits the back of your headboard and you close your eyes as you replied, almost at a whisper “I know you would. I know you do. I feel the same way about her Bucky. She’s my world. She’s the only thing I have in the world and if I am honest, it hurt, it hurt the way she looked at you. Her birthday meal felt as if there were daggers hitting me with your interaction with her”

“I am not trying to replace you” he said softly and you shook your head. “I know.” before you could continue Bucky interrupted you “I could never replace you. She idolises you, you raised her to be a strong woman, you did that alone.”. The tears flowed down your face. This was the first open and honest conversation you had had with Bucky.

“You know why I did it alone” you sob and he took a sharp intake of breath “I am glad you did. They would have killed you, and I would never have known Natty. She’s the most precious thing to me in my life. Thank you Y/N”

You paused. A thought flashed across your mind, and before you could stop yourself. You threw caution to the wind and decided to be honest.

“Bucky, I tried to find you, I searched for years.”

You heard the sharp intake of breath from him again. You could hear his heavy breathing down the phone and the silence as he ended the call. You looked at the phone and knew you had gone too far. You had felt vulnerable with him, and they way he had praised you for Natty that you had let your guard down. You had told him something you hadn’t and there had been a moment of peace between the two of you before your mouth had got you in trouble again.


	24. Chapter 24

“Natty, you can’t use your full strength against me, if i am not allowed to use my web shooters” Peter called out as he lay on the floor. Natty sat next to him and laughed as he lay there. “Dad showed me that move. Sorry but I think it is going to have to be my signature move” she claimed as she handed him a bottle of water. He took it from her and slugged back the water.

“How’s it going at home?” Peter asked her, and she looked away from him. The two of them rarely had time to be able to have an open conversation. MJ and Ned didn’t know who Natty’s parents were, just that her parents were friends with May. She didn’t know why she didn’t want them to know. They knew who Peter was but there was something about anyone outside of the family knowing who she was related to. Although she knew Bucky wasn’t the Winter Soldier anymore, the fact she retained Winter as her surname was a constant reminder.

“It’s ok. Mum has stopped the legal stuff” and Peter looked at her, and waited for her to continue. “I see Dad every weekend, which is nice. We hang out at the Compound. You should come over next weekend. Maybe he can show you some moves too!” she nudged Peter in the side and he rolled his eyes.

“Natty. If i was allowed to use my web shooters you wouldn’t have even got close.” he said and she pushed him over as he sat up. “I am only half super soldier. It’s not fair for you to use your whole strength against me” she informed him. He laughed and she smiled back at him.

“You know, Peter, you should let me come out with you one night. I could be your friendly neighborhood helper” she asked, not looking at him. He watched her for a moment before his face crumpled in front of her.

“Natty. Your mum and dad would kill me separately. I don’t think it’s a good idea”.

“Let me deal with my parents. They barely speak to each other. I can persuade one of them and just tell the other they said it was ok”

Peter’s eyes fly wide open and he shook his head. “Natty…. This isn’t going to end well”.

“It’ll be fine. Mum’s ordering pizza, wanna come to mine for dinner?” and Peter nodded. “Sure. I’ll let May know” he said standing up and offering a hand to Natty.

“Hey Mum. Peter’s coming for dinner. We’ll leave the tower in about 20, that ok?” Natty said to her phone and Peter watched. He didn’t know which parent was going to agree to her being out with Peter. He could see that she was already plotting and he knew Bucky was going to kill him if this all went wrong.

—————-

Bucky was alerted by F.R.I.D.A.Y that there was a delivery for him. He collected the large box and walked the familiar path back to his bedroom to open it. He knew it must be something safe as it had got through the screening process that Tony had set up. He had taken to spending more time in his bedroom to avoid the continual questions from his teammate. He knew they were concerned for him, but there was nothing he could do about the house arrest. His highlight was every Friday evening, Natty would arrive and they would spend the weekend watching all the movies he hadn’t seen and needed to immediately. He also had an education on tiktok videos and Natty kept trying to teach him and Natasha the dances, but Bucky was unable to throw it back, although he wasn’t sure what that meant. They would train and she was getting really good at outsmarting him with her moves. Her strength wasn’t the same as his, but she was still unnaturally strong. She barely registered pain and had been working hard on controlling her strength with her emotions. His highlight of the week was spending time with her and then Monday would come which usually meant he moped around the compound. It was only made worse when the others were off on a mission and he was still in the compound. He wanted to be useful, but now, he just felt like Steve’s burden. The last year had been a rollercoaster but Natty made it all worth it.

He set the box on the bed and looked for the sender information but the box was blank. He walked over to his bedside drawer and pulled out his favourite knife and cut the box open. There was a note resting on the top. _I thought this might help with house arrest, I am sorry it took me so long to send this._ He was confused. He couldn’t imagine what would be in the box, or who it was from. He discarded the note to the side and looked in the box. There were multiple shoeboxes inside labeled 0-4, 5-10, 11-15 and misc. He stared at the note and then back to the boxes. He didn’t recognise the handwriting. He opened the box labelled 0-4. The box had cd discs and wads of photos. His heart dropped when he realised what he was looking at. He poured the wad of photos from the box and picked the first one up and there she was, his beautiful baby girl. She was lying on a bed, surrounded by pillows, wearing a little white romper suit and staring back at him. She had a full head of black hair. He turned the photo over and in the same handwriting as the note it read _Natalia, 2 weeks old_. He sat on the bed and with a sense of urgency he looked at the photos. He flicked through them. There were hundreds. Her standing against a door, wearing a school uniform, a blazer drowning her as she beamed at the camera holding her black lunchbox aloft. The back read “Natty’s first day”. There was every milestone he had missed, there in photograph form and his eyes watered. He felt as if his heart had stopped when he found one with you in it. She’s lying across your chest and is tiny. You look washed out, visible in a hospital bed but Natty is the perfect colour of pink. He turned the photo over and saw in your handwriting _Natalia Stephanie Winter, 3 hours old_. He choked back a sob. He had never realised how much he had needed this. Here was a box filled with memories that he had never experienced but missed. He tried not to think about the years without her in his life because too often he thought about the gaps in his life. He traced a finger over the photo, and he couldn’t believe she had ever been so small. She would have fit perfectly in his hand. She was perfect. He spent hours flicking through the photos before remembering the discs. He looked at the shoebox and noticed the discs. He looked at the discs and they were each labelled too, her first steps, her first words, even her first smile.

“Hey, F.R.I.D.A.Y where can I play these discs?” he held up to no one in particular. The A.I answered “the living room has a dvd player which you can use”. He opened the other boxes and pulled out all of the discs and walked with purpose to the living room. He didn’t care about where the others in the compound, he desperately wanted to watch these discs. The living room was empty and he walked over to the television. There were multiple machines next to it and he looked at each of them trying to remember which was which. He hit the open button on the dvd player and put the first disc in and hit play. He stood a step back from the television and watched as the screen displayed a slightly grainy video. His arms wrapped around his body, he held himself with bated breath. He was close enough to touch the television and he had to stop himself from reaching out and touching it. He heard your voice and could see the camera shaking as Natty sat there next to the couch.

“That’s it Natty” your voice rang out as he watched the small baby pull herself up against the couch. The squeal of elation from you. “You did it baby!” He watched, as she held herself for a moment before she dropped back on to her bottom with a soft thud. She paused for a moment and looked up at the camera before her face crumpled and she let out a cry. “Baby, no” your voice called out and the camera is set down and he can see your arms come in and pick her up. Now all he can see are your legs walking in front of the camera as you soothe her. Tears are silently running down his face. The screen goes black, and then another scene, this time the camera is set up and he is watching you interact with a baby Natty. She’s in her highchair and there is green food all over her face. You’re trying to feed her and she’s having none of it. Bucky can’t take his eyes off of the screen.

“Hey Buck, what you watching?” Steve asked as he entered the room. Bucky is standing close to the television screen, and he didn’t even flinch when Steve walked in. He looked at the screen and it was obvious that it was a baby Natty on the television. He stood there and watched, his eyes flitting between the screen and Bucky. He watched how Bucky’s shoulders quietly shook.

“Natty, say mama” your voice rings out again and Natty shakes her head. “Natty, say mama” you try again and she looks at the camera and Natty opens her mouth and says “dada!”. Steve gasped, and stepped forward. He placed his hand on Bucky’s shoulder and squeezed it. Bucky turned to him, and then back to the television. Bucky had tears streaming down his face. He didn’t bother to wipe them away, he let them flow. Her first words were dada.

“You’re going to be such a daddy’s girl aren’t you Natty. Don’t worry, we’ll find him and he’ll love you, even if you won’t eat your broccoli” your voice rang out again. You appeared on camera to wipe the green mush from her face and you picked her up. You hold her as you tell her “I’ll keep you safe until Daddy comes home”.

“What is this?” Steve asked and Bucky handed him the discs. He went through them, every aspect of Natty’s life had been documented by you. There were dance shows, singing competitions, every birthday and just moments from his daughters life that he never thought he would ever be able to see.

“Y/N sent them over with photos.” Bucky choked back the emotion. The videos continued. Steve pulled him back from standing and pulled him onto the couch. He lifted his arm and Bucky rested his head against his chest and Steve held his arm around him closely. They watched as Natty grew up in front of them.

“Want to see the photos?” Bucky turned to Steve after watching hours of her. “Only if you want to show me Buck” Steve replied, and he motioned him to follow him to his room. There on the bed were the photos and he sorted through the pile on the bed for the newborn photo. He beamed with pride as he handed Steve the photo of Natty a few hours old and told him “she’s 3 hours old there. Look how small she was Steve. She was perfect, look at her tiny fingers” Steve watched as Bucky’s eyes sparkled at him. He was beaming with pride. The love Bucky felt for Natty had magnified, if that had been at all possible.

“She was tiny Buck” he replied and handed the photo back to him. Bucky was digging through more photos and he paused as his hand touched an envelope. Steve was picking up different photos and laughing, as Natty was a baby that scowled a lot, heck she was a teenager who scowled a lot too. Bucky with his back to Steve opened the envelope and found a delicate white dried flower, and a lock of Natty’s baby hair. He closed the envelope and set it back in the box. He started to try and pile the photos together to put back in the box. These were now his most prized possessions and he only wanted to share some of it. He wanted to go through every photo, and learn everything he missed.

“This was really nice of Y/N.” Steve said, not before trailing off at the end and Bucky nodded. It was. Your behaviour had always been so combatant with him, so this simple act of kindness had caught him off guard.

————-

You lay in your bed. Pillows propped up against you back as you write in the journal you had started at the suggestion of Mark, your therapist. You paused, your pen hovered above the page. The therapy you had started was working and you had already seen a difference in the number of episodes you were having. Your phone alerted you to a message and turning over the phone you see his name, well his initial. You didn’t know why you didn’t want to save it as Bucky. It felt weird. You wanted to call him Winter. You didn’t really know Bucky.

B: Thank you.

You smiled to yourself and hit reply immediately. You had enjoyed putting together the boxes for him. In fact you couldn’t believe it had taken you so long to put the box together. You had recorded all of the memories, for him, so why had you held on to them for so long. Bucky had helped you twice, and never said a word about your episodes other than sending you links for help. You knew you could do something kind for him, and you knew he would love it.

You: You’re welcome. I should have given them to you a long time ago. They are copies so they are all yours.

You watched as the three dots appeared, stopped and then restarted. Closing your journal you set it on the side and waited for his response. You werent sure why you were nervous but you were. This was a whole new area for you.

B: I can’t believe she was ever that small.

You laughed out loud. You immediately responded to him.

You: She was small, but she was always so loud. Did you watch any of the videos?

B: She never mentioned her first words were dada.

You: I tried so hard for mama but no, dada won over. She also learnt no very quickly too. She never did get better at eating broccoli and I was right. She is a daddy’s girl.

B: Thank you for recording these memories. I never realised how much I desperately wanted to see them. I think over the next couple of months I am going to watch them on repeat.

You: even the dance and singing shows? Because once was hard enough for me

B: I haven’t seen those yet. Only opened 0-4.

You: Oh. you’re in for a treat then. What can I say! Our daughter definitely got my inability to sing or dance. Thankfully she now does quiet creative projects like drawing or writing.

B: Our daughter. You called her our daughter

You caught yourself. Reading his message over and over again. There it was. You had called her our daughter.

You: she is.

B: You don’t have to tell me but, Natty mentioned you had started therapy. I hope it is helping

You paused for another moment. He had changed the subject and surprisingly you were ok with it

You: It’s helping. I just wish I could sleep.

B: I have the same problem.

You: I am just about to start watching a documentary called Planet Earth in the hopes that I can sleep.

B: I have been meaning to watch that too.

You: Why don’t you now. We can watch it together, if you would like that?

The three dots appeared, and stopped, again. You didn’t know why you had even suggested it.

B: give me 10 minutes. Let me know when to press play.

You set it up and settled down. You waited 10 minutes and then messages him

You: I’m ready

B: me too. I am gonna hit play now

You hit play and the credits started. The entire episode the two of you messaged back and forth and you fell asleep with your phone in your hand and slept the entire night through for the first time since you were kidnapped. Bucky too.


	25. Chapter 25

**There** was a knock on your bedroom door and then the faint sound of Natty’s voice asking “Mum?” as the door opened. She stood there and hovered. She only hovered when she wanted something. You put down your laptop to your side to give her your full attention and greeted your daughter. She walked to the end of your bed and rested her hands against the metal bed frame. She swayed on the balls of her feet. You knew what was coming. She was about to ask you for something. Other than school, training and time spent with Bucky she didn’t have much of a social life. You were strict on her time outside of the house. Whether she liked it or not. After she ran away to May’s she had lost the freedom to go where she wanted without permission. You needed to know where she was at all times for your own peace of mind, and for her own safety. HYDRA hadn’t been defeated, just stalled and they knew she existed, so she wasn’t allowed to go where she pleased. This was the price she had to pay, the price they all had to pay and you paid it willingly. Natty understood the rules, but that didn’t mean she wasn’t going to try and sweet talk you. You clasped your hands together and laid them on your lap. Here it comes.

“Mum, there’s a party on tomorrow night at David’s house. Can I go?” she is sickly sweet with her question and she watched your face scrutinize her’s. She smiled sweetly and fluttered her eyelashes a few times. This might have worked when she was 6 but now at 16 it was not such an easy sell. You thought about your response carefully. She was a 16 year old girl, who obviously wanted a life and the freedom her classmates had. Peter had anonymity. You had one goal, to protect her.

“Who is David?” you asked and watched her blush and look to the ground. She mumbled “just a guy at school” You can’t help but smirk. You soften your resolve. It was going to be a straight no. You had no idea who he was but watching the blush cross her cheeks you made a mental note to run the background check on him, secretly of course. She was embarrassed and you could ease it with a few words. “Is Peter going?” you asked. If May was letting Peter go, then you felt comfortable that Natty could too. As long as the background check of him, and his immediate family came back clear. You could put checks in place to ensure she was safe. “He is. Can I go?”

You paused and your head rocked from side to side as you exaggerated your thought process. She was leaning forward against the bed frame and fluttering her eyelashes. “No drugs. No spirits and you will need to be home by 11pm” you tell her but before you can explain more rules she squeals and runs over to you. She wrapped her arms around you and informed you that “you’re the best!”

“Natty, you need to tell Bucky that you’ll be over on Saturday morning. And I mean it NO SPIRITS.” you call out to her as she skipped out the room. This was her test. If she could behave at the party then perhaps her own house arrest would be lifted.

“I already text him. He said it was fine if you said it was fine” she called back to you. She appeared back in your room and bounded up to you. She kissed you on the cheek and told you “I am going to bed now Mum!” and you pulled her in to a hug before she left your side. “Good. I am not far behind” you tell her and she wandered out of your room and closed the door behind her. You listened to hear her bedroom door close and you ran your hands over your face. You close your laptop and begin your process of getting ready for sleep.

You slide in between the bed and duvet and feel the weight of your blanket resting on your legs, and you allow the wave of comfort to wash you. Twisting around you plump your pillows and rest your back against your bed frame. Reaching over you grabbed your phone and scrolled till you see his name. You hit call and waited for him to answer. This was your favourite time of the day. But you would never admit that to anyone, least of all yourself.

“Hey Y/N” Bucky answered brightly and you smiled to yourself. A smile that spread across your face and you’re unable to stop yourself.

“Hi Bucky. I said Natty could go to the party” you tell him and hear him chuckle lightly and it warmed you.

“I told her if you said it was ok, then I would be ok with it.”

“She’s agreed to no drugs, and no spirits. She’s gonna drink, I can’t stop her but if she sticks to beer then she should be fine. She also knows that she has to be up early on Saturday and home by 11pm. You should have seen her Bucky. She was so nervous to ask me. I think she likes this David boy” you smirked as you heard Bucky cough from your words. Co-parenting was going well. You enjoyed sharing these conversations with someone, it was a novelty.

“Oh? She didn’t tell you that it’s David having a party. I think he plays a sport” you continued before Bucky interrupted you.

“I don’t like the idea of her dating.” he told you.

“Bucky, she’s 16. She’s going to date, she’s going to have crushes. You don’t want to know what she was like in London”

“I know, that doesn’t mean I have to like it though. Oh and Y/N maybe don’t share those memories with me. I like not knowing that stuff.” he laughed and it warmed your chest as you let out a laugh that reverberated throughout your body..

“No, that’s true. I am going to try and be chill with whoever she dates as long as they are age appropriate. I don’t want her bringing any person home who is not in high school. She’s on birth control. She has been since she was 14 ” you told him and there was a lull in the conversation as you knew he was trying to wrap his head around the idea of her being on birth control. The result of their affair with limited birth control was Natty. 

“Agreed. You’re her mother, you know best….You in bed already?” he asked you and you could hear him move against his pillows.

“Yea. I thought we could watch a new show. What do you fancy?” you asked him. Every night for the last month, Bucky and you had spoken. First through texting, and then on the phone. It was the highlight of your day and you would fall asleep talking with him and watching tv together. You hadn’t had a nightmare in over a month. You were not about to admit there was probably a connection.

“I don’t mind, but Natty told me I have to watch Schitts Creek. According to her it is the greatest show ever made” he informed you and you burst out laughing. Before you could explain the laughter he asked “Y/N, what’s so funny?” he asked coyly.

“She’s obsessed with it Bucky, she quotes it all the time. It is on the top of the list of shows I need to watch to understand all of the references she is making. She keeps saying I love that journey for me whenever I suggest anything, what does that even mean! I was going to suggest we watch it so we can keep up with her”

He lightly chuckled and you felt your heart skip a beat. You were in dangerous territory. You knew your feelings for him were back, and they were bubbling away in your chest. You didn’t know what to do other than allow yourself to give in to any opportunity to spend time with him. He had made it clear in his actions that he only wanted to be Natty’s father and that was fine. You wanted to ask, you wanted to know what these nightly phone calls meant to him but, deep down you knew he was showing you care because you were damaged like him. It wasn’t love, it was obligation. So you pushed the feelings down, and as long as you didn’t admit your feelings then they weren’t real, right?

“I watched some more videos today. The dance shows were something...errm...different” he chuckled and you knew exactly what videos he was talking about. Poor Natty was a beat out with every move, she had only been 10. She loved dancing but she couldn’t keep up. That didn’t stop you taking her to every rehearsal, and encouraging her to continue what she loved.

“I told you, she got my inability to dance. She loved it though… until she hit puberty and I couldn’t get her to wake up before noon on a Saturday. That’s when she would sit in her room and read, I couldn’t get her books fast enough” you loved reminiscing about Natty with him. You could hear his breathing stutter, and the scratching of pencil and pen.

“Buck, are you writing this down?” you can hear the tone of your voice is bordering on flirting. You didn’t want to. You wanted to have a normal, co-parenting relationship but the teasing nature of your question was dangerous territory for you.

“I just like hearing these stories. I want to write them down” he told you shyly and you have to almost bite your tongue from teasing him. This is his way of retaining memories. You could never imagine the trauma he had been through, or how you even deal with it. Yes, he had months of being deprogrammed in Wakanda but that didn’t address the gaps of his life, and the memories he did retain and those that he had lost.

“Write away. In fact, tomorrow, let me see if I have any of her school work or things she drew or made. I can send stuff over for you to look through… if you would like that?”

“Y/N, I would love that, but I don’t want to put you out.”

“How about I bring it over on Saturday morning, when I bring Natty?” you paused and it was as if you could hear him thinking.

“I would like that.” he told you quietly.

The two of you sit in silence for an awkward moment before Bucky asks “Schitt's Creek. Is it rude?” and you curse yourself for allowing a giggle to leave your lips.

“No, it's a play on words I think. Right. I am ready, episode one”

“I am ready. Hit that play button, Y/N”

\---------------------

There was a knock at the front door and you opened it finding a nervous looking Peter Parker standing there awkwardly with his hands firmly in his pockets. You smiled to greet him and call out to Natty “Natty love, Peter is here… come in” and you direct him in. “Hello Director Winter” and you cock your head to the side and with a hand on your hip you remind him for maybe the hundredth time “Peter, we’ve been through this too many times. Director Winter is only on work time. Y/N, you can call me Y/N. in fact please just call me Y/N.” He nodded and muttered “ok, Y/N”

Natty walked into the living room where the two of you were standing waiting for her. She was wearing all black. The only colour of clothing she owned, or would agree to wear. Black boots, black jeans and a black sheer top which showed her bra and a black leather jacket. You eyed her outfit choice, and pointed back to her bedroom. She grumbled and trudged back to her room. You could hear “ughhh you just don’t get fashion” and she reappeared with a top underneath the sheer one.

“Much better, when you’re 18 you can wear whatever you want but until then…. Tops underneath sheer tops thanks” you tell her and you look at the scowl she shot over to you and it was hard for you not to laugh. The heavy black eye makeup and the long brown hair flowing down her shoulders. She looked more and more like the winter soldier, but perhaps that wouldn’t be a helpful thought to tell her.

“You two have fun tonight. Remember the rules. Home by 11pm. No drugs, no spirits. Call me if there are any problems.” you tell them both and they nod. Natty grabbed Peter by the elbow and dragged him out of your apartment before you could say anything else to embarrass your teenage daughter. You grabbed your jacket and followed the out of the door. You were on your way to meet Natasha for drinks, if Natty could go out and have fun, why couldn’t you. 

\--------------

You adjusted yourself on the uncomfortable couch. You made a mental note to tell Tony he needed to buy new furniture for his office in the compound. You looked around the room while you tried to get comfortable on the hard leather couch. The hardness of the couch pressing in to your back. The situation was only made worse by your inability to sit still. The room was large, with a wall of windows that looked out over the grounds. His desk in the middle of the room was blocked by the three men standing against it. You didn’t want to look at the additional members in the room. This was not a meeting you wanted to have, but it was a compromise. Tony and Steve stood in front of you, with Fury. Natty was seated next to you on the couch and Bucky on a chair to the right of Natty. Your arms were folded against your body, and you held yourself tightly. You didn’t need to look at Natty to know that she was sitting with her feet up on the glass table that was set in front of the couch. You looked over to Bucky who was leaning forward, his elbows rested on his knees. It felt as if the three of you were about to be reprimanded.

“Feet down Natalia” Tony instructed her and she looked up and without breaking eye contact she lifted each foot off, and set it down on the ground with a defying thud. She stared him down, the scowl defying the next words from his mouth.

“We thought it would be best if we all had this conversation. Together” Steve started and you rolled your eyes. Here we go, Steve trying to parent your daughter again. It was bad enough that you were not being allowed to deal with this yourself but the fact that your authority as her mother and as a director was being called in to question by a room filled with men. Only one of them had the right to be involved in this.

Fury walked over to you and passed you a file, then one to Natty and one to Bucky. You opened it and there in black and white were surveillance photos of Spiderman fighting with a group of armed men. You looked at Natty, and then to Bucky. Bucky was staring at the photo with his mouth open, taking in the scene in front of him. Natty lifted the file and dropped it from a height on to the table. As you flicked through the photos it was clear that it wasn’t just Spider-Man involved in the fight. There was Natty.

“Natalia, do you want to explain the photographs?” Tony asked, his stern parental voice in full swing. She folded her arms and she looked at him, her eyebrows raised, and fuck off written all over her face. She didn’t respond well to authority at the best of time, and especially when the authority figure called her Natalia. You had woken up to a phonecall from Fury informing you that cameras had picked up Natty and Peter in an altercation with a group of armed robbers. Instead of bringing her home he had arranged for her to be taken to the compound, and he needed you to travel there immediately, which you had.

She opened her mouth and answered him with one word, and your head whipped around to her. Her answer wasn’t in English. She was not playing this game. You were furious with her. Her reckless actions to her own life. You had allowed her to go out, trusted her and this is how she repaid you.

“Natalia. Drop the attitude now.” you command her, also not in English. If she was going to only speak Russian, then so were you. Steve, Tony and Fury watched as Natty and you continued your conversation, not being able to understand what you were both saying. Bucky watched, his mind reeling from what he was witnessing. He didn’t know that Natty spoke Russian.

“No.” Natty spat back at you and immediately turned her head from you. She was chewing her lip and you could sense a meltdown on the horizon.

“You are in a lot of trouble Natalia. Drop the attitude. Explain yourself”

“No” she rolled her eyes at you and you turned to her.

“Natalia Stephanie Winter, you listen to me now. You are in trouble. What possessed you to get involved with this. You could have been killed”

“I wasn’t though, was I?”

She turned to you and her eyes threw daggers at you but before you could reply Bucky’s voice interrupted you both, and he uttered in Russian “enough.” and the two of you looked at him.

“So, you three all speak Russian. Now that we have cleared that up. Can we conduct the rest of this in English please” Tony commanded the three of you. You shouldn’t have to conduct this with an audience, but here you were.

“Natalia, you cannot just go out and start fighting. You are 16 years old and have had no training, no support. This was reckless” Steve barked at her. He stood there, his hands on his hips in full Captain America mode.

Bucky’s head fell into his hands, and you looked over to him. He looked so sad, so conflicted. This was the first time you had seen him since your late night conversations had started and from the moment you had entered the room he had been frosty with you. It was clear that the late night conversations were a secret you were both keeping. “It’s my fault” he stuttered and you cocked your head to watch as he tried to verbalise. Confused as to why he thought it was his fault.

“Natty, if I hadn’t have used training as a way of bonding with you, you wouldn’t have thought you could do this. I put you in harms way”

“Dad! No!!” she cried out, and turned to him, the attitude dropped immediately. You watched the way the tough facade dropped with him, but the walls had been up with you. Your mind reeled and you needed the voice in the back of your head to stop telling you that she loved him more than you. She was so soft with him, the way she spoke broke your heart.

“It wasn’t like that… Peter and I were on our way to the party and we saw the jewellry store was being robbed and I knew what I was doing, honest” she tried to explain herself as you shook your head. Bucky’s head followed the same movement as yours. “Dad, honest. It’s not your fault.”

“Natalia, I have taught you to fight, but you had no protection. You think Steve and I go out to any fight wearing a sheer top and jeans?” and Tony laughed. Steve shot him a look and Bucky continued “I shouldn’t have taught you to fight. It gave you a false sense of ability” he told her as he ran his hand across his forehead. You could feel the pain and regret radiating from him. This wasn’t his fault and you so desperately wanted to tell him that, but before you could Natty turned to Tony. The group in front of you didn’t know about the late night bonding sessions, and the way that Bucky had shook his head at you when you walked in told you he didn’t want them knowing.

“Give me the protection then. Give me the bulletproof vest. I can fight!” she pleaded and Tony looked at you. He was clearly already planning in his head the uniform, over your dead body was she going to have a uniform.

“Natalia, no.” you firmly tell her and she spun round to face you, tears in her eyes. Tears of frustration. You looked at Fury and you shook your head. “No, no, no. not happening” you tell the room before continuing.

“Natalia, you are 16 years old. You could have been killed. They had guns. You are not invincible. You are still a child. You are not a fighter, not an avenger. End of discussion”

Natty pulled herself together. She took a couple of deep breaths and stood up. She turned to you and spat “This is bullshit, Peter did all of this and more when he was 15” she turned to the men in the room “it’s because I am a girl. This is so unfair” and she stormed out of the room.

“Natty!” Bucky called after her and you put your hand up to stop him “let her go. She needs to calm down and sort out her attitude”

“F.R.I.D.A.Y. lock down the compound and alert me if Natalia tries to leave” Tony commanded and the AI responded with “yes boss.”

“Well that went well” Fury told the room, his words dripping with sarcasm. You rolled your eyes at him and wanted to ask him what he had expected. She obviously felt ambushed, and then was told no. she was never going to take it well.

“Why don’t we train her up to be an Avenger? She has skill. Have you watched the video?” Steve asked the room and both you and Bucky stared at him. Bucky stood to his feet and shouted “not my daughter. She’s not a weapon.” he pointed at Steve and Steve’s body tensed.

“Neither are you Buck.” Steve responded softly, trying to change the tone in the room.

“While I appreciate she was able to help Peter with this, the situation is different.” Tony responded and you nodded. It was different, Spider-man has completely different abilities to Natty.

“We don’t fully know her abilities. We tested her while she was training with Bucky” Fury replied and Bucky threw his head back. He exhaled loudly and turned to you and then back to Fury.

“I swear. Is there anything about Natty that you don’t keep hiding from me. Just when I think you respect me as her father, I find something else out” he turned to you and you felt his frustration towards you and it hurt. His words delivered to you like a punch to the gut. His eyes fell on yours and connected. He looked at you with disgust.

You exhaled and smiled at Fury, a pained smile. “Bucky, when she assaulted Steve I gave Fury permission to run some tests, so that we could have a clearer idea of what was going on. Not all tests. Just at least a strength test. The suggestion that you train with her wasn’t a trick but it did allow Fury to run tests. What we discovered is that it is linked to emotions. We don’t think she has any idea of her true ability. She has agility, and strength but things got complicated and I told Fury to stop. I was going to take her back to London and try and give her a normal life.”

“When did she assault Capsicle?” Tony asked, staring at Steve, who shook his head. Now was not the time.

“Y/N. I am getting sick of having to say this. She is my daughter too. You can’t just keep trying to take her away from me. You can’t run tests and manipulate me and her. Stop it” Bucky’s words cut you deep. You hadn’t meant to keep this from him. It was just something that had slipped your mind. You wanted her to keep training as a form of anger release but you never thought for a minute that she would want to go out and fight. He looked at you with frustration all over his face and you tried to keep your face straight, your poker face. You didn’t want to take her away from him. You could see how much she needed him, and you didn’t want to admit, just how much you needed him. There was no point in trying to reply to him. He wouldn’t look at you and you knew that you could clear it all up later but now? Now you needed to put a stop to any thought of her fighting.

“Fury, I don’t want her fighting.” you turned to him and he exhaled looking at you and then to Bucky. “Barnes, what do you say.” Bucky looked at you and then to Steve. “I don’t want her fighting either.” Before Fury could say anything Bucky continued “but I do want her to have the tests. All of them. She needs to know her full ability. Then, when we have that information then, and only then will I consider it”

Your heart dropped, and you looked at him. He still wouldn’t look at you. Your mouth was aghast.

“Agreed. We’ll run the tests. They should take a few weeks. Then we will revisit this. It’s obviously something she wants” Fury said and you scoffed. The men all looked at you.

“She’s 16 years old for god sake! She doesn’t know what she wants” you shouted at them. This was madness, how could they even be considering putting your daughter in the field.

“Y/N.” Fury started and you shook your head. “Enough. I am taking her home.” and as you started towards the door Bucky’s voice rang out and echoed in your mind. “It’s the weekend, she stays here. Steve will take her to school on Monday”.

“Fine” you replied without looking back. You ignored Tony’s call of “Y/N, it’s 2am. Stay here!” and you walked to your car. You fought back the tears until you got out onto the road and the tears rolled freely down your face. You didn’t know how they could just make decisions about you baby. She was a child, and what was the point in protecting her all of her life if they were just going to use her as a fighter. Put her life at risk for what? Because she had some skill. She was a child. You knew that you had made the right decision not telling anyone else about your new abilities. They would only look at you as another weapon.

You made it home, and you weren’t sure how. You clambered in to your bed, exhausted both mentally and physically. You dialled his number ready to talk. He didn’t pick up. You tried again and he still didn’t answer. You typed out a message and waited for his response. Your phone vibrated and opened the message in an instant. You looked at it, and tears rolled down your face again, following the damp tear tracts that had formed the entire drive home.

B: I thought we had really made progress. But you keep hiding and lying. I can’t.

For the first time in a month you lay awake, with the emptiness in your heart. The lack of his voice, of his words creating a hole that couldn’t be filled.

You grabbed your phone. There was only one person you wanted to talk to about this. The two of you had rebuilt your relationship and she wouldn’t judge. She would listen. You scrolled till you saw Natasha’s name and hit call. She answered and it was clear you had woken her as she slept.

“Y/N. what’s up. Is it a mission? Is it Natty?”

“I think I am in love with Bucky”

“Shit”


	26. Chapter 26

House arrest was starting to wear Bucky down. The schedule he had made for himself was fast becoming a work of fiction. He didn’t feel as if there was any point to trying to keep to a routine, if this is what his days had become. He would work out with Steve and Sam in the mornings and paperwork in the afternoons. His only highlight was the moment that Natty walked in to the compound on a Friday afternoon. The two of them would sit in her room and he would help her with the homework, so they could spend the weekend together. He would find himself wandering around the compound looking for something, anything to do. He didn’t want to fill his time being productive. He just didn’t see the point. Steve had knocked on his door this morning for their workout and he had made excuses about not feeling well. Something that was not actually possible but Steve thought it would be best to leave Bucky to wallow. When Natty wasn’t around Bucky lived in sweats, he only made an effort to look like everything was fine when Natty was about, other than that he lived like a teenager. Steve headed down to the gym to meet Sam while Bucky set up another one of the videos that you had sent over. Steve had organised for a dvd player to be installed in his room so he could watch the videos of Natty whenever he wanted. Bucky put a disk in the drive and settled in to another morning of reliving yet another dance recital.

Steve was on his way to check in on Bucky after running training simulations with Sam when he was distracted by an alert from F.R.I.D.A.Y. “Captain Rogers, there are agents from the FBI here to see Sergeant Barnes.” Steve’s heart rate was elevated as the words registered with him. The FBI being here for Bucky could only mean one thing. He had broken his house arrest. Steve’s instinct to protect him was in overdrive. “F.R.I.D.A.Y where are they?” he called out and F.R.I.D.A.Y informed him they were already in Bucky’s room. He moved with precision and speed. He didn’t even wait for the elevator, he took the stairs, three steps at a time. He made it to Bucky’s room ready to fight on his behalf. He didn’t knock but threw the door open and surveyed the scene in front of him. Bucky was seated on the bed, his ankle propped up as an agent was bent over it. How could Bucky have been so stupid to break house arrest. He had only been with Sam for a few hours. He knew he should have dragged him to the gym with him.

“What’s happening?” Steve called out. Bucky looked over at him, his eyes wide and filled with confusion. Steve didn’t understand what was happening. It didn’t seem enough agents to arrest Bucky.

The agent standing over him turned to Steve and began to explain “Mr Barnes” the agent started but both Bucky and Steve interrupted him “Sergeant”. The agent started again “Sergeant Barnes is no longer under house arrest, and pending an additional investigation his probation is subject to being lifted. He’s still on probation”

“Steve?” Bucky muttered and the beep of the monitor being removed interrupted Steve’s racing thoughts. It didn’t make any sense. Fury hadn’t mentioned anything about Bucky’s arrest being lifted. It was four months early, and the thought of his probation being lifted didn’t add up. Bucky just stared at the gap where the black strap had been around his ankle. He was struggling to process it. How could it be so simple. How could it all of a sudden be over. The stress and strain of the last three months, the raft, the hearing, the house arrest and now this? It was done. It was over.

“We’ll see ourselves out.” and with that Steve and Bucky were left alone in his room. Bucky’s pant leg was rolled up and he kept staring at it. He looked at the open door and then back at Steve.

“Is this a mistake?” Bucky asked, pointing at his bare ankle. Steve stared at him and Bucky stared back up at him. The fear that they would come straight back in and haul him off to the raft again, the little voice at the back of his head telling him this was too good to be true.

“Don’t question it. What do you want to do first?” Steve asked him and Bucky smirked. “I wanna pick Natty up from school” Steve’s face crumpled in to a smile as he watched the way Bucky’s eyes lit up. His first thought was to surprise Natty. He could have done anything but watching Bucky’s elation at the thought of surprising Natty warmed him.

He jumped up and hugged Steve. “I am gonna go and pick her up. Surprise her!”

Steve watched as Bucky started to pull out clothes from his closet and Steve laughed to himself. The excitement was heartwarming to watch. He was so proud of Bucky. He took everything in his stride. Nothing could mess this up, and Steve was going to make sure nothing could mess this up. Well, nothing except you. Steve was convinced that you couldn’t be trusted not to hurt Bucky in some way so he needed to step in before you could stop this excitement. He pulled his phone out and scrolled till he saw your name. He opened a message and typed.

Steve: Bucky’s no longer under house arrest. In case he forgets in his excitement to tell you he’s gonna surprise Natty at school.

You: oh. Ok. can he bring her to the tower. She’s got a training session at 6pm.

Steve: I will let him know.

“I just thought I would check with Y/N, Natty has a training session at the tower at 6pm. I have a meeting with Fury so you could give me a lift and meet me after?” Steve told Bucky and he nodded. “Let me know when you want to go” and Steve left Bucky to get ready, hopefully with a shower first.

\---------

“No! We are going to talk about this.” Fury shouted at you. His hands were holding steady on his desk as he stood towering over you. You sat across the desk from him, with your arms folded. You were absolutely not going to talk to him about this. You held strong and stared back at him. He leaned forward on his hands over the desk. You sat back in the chair defiant.

“Y/N” he warned you and you shook your head. You had refused to talk to anyone about this. Not since you had spoken to Bruce and Dr Cho. Every time Fury had tried to speak to you about this you had ensured you were busy, or Natty had been around. He had finally managed to drag you in to his office to talk to you. Dodging his calls and visits had been surprisingly easy. You had spoken to your therapist sparingly about it. The plan was to ignore the changes your body was going through. However there was a flashback that you couldn’t quite ignore. The flashback had been visiting your dreams more frequently. You missed falling asleep talking to Bucky. You were not about to admit that either. It was hard enough that you had told Natasha, and now you were dodging her calls too.

“Fury.” you replied back at him. You could perhaps see where Natty got her attitude problem from. Of all the traits she could have got from you, her attitude problem wasn’t one you had hoped she would take on.

“Dr Cho informs me that you keep missing your mandatory testing” and you rolled your eyes at him. Holding your arms across your body tighter you kept your arms folded. There was a reason you had missed them. You were never going to take them.

“I’ve been busy” you informed him. He turned from the desk and walked around it. He sat in front of you. He cocked his head to the side. You watched the way his body relaxed.

“Y/N. this is serious.” he said softer, and it unnerved you. You could take Fury shouting at you. But this bordered on genuine concern. You moved uncomfortably in your chair. It was hard for you to argue back when faced with concern. You wanted him to shout at you, so you could shout back. Fury being gentle was terrifying.

“We have no idea how your body is reacting. You need to have these tests. We can help you adapt. This is a big change” he said, leaning in with concern and you could feel the wave of emotion and rage building in you. You knew this was a big change. This wasn’t happening to him. This wasn’t happening to anyone but you. You were the only one who mattered in this discussion.

“I know it’s a big change. It’s my body Fury” you snapped back at him. He held strong. He watched as you tried to control your breathing. You couldn’t lose it. You grabbed hold of the arms of the chair and gripped.

“Y/N. I am saying this out of care for you. I need you to have these tests. Don’t make me order you”

You ripped the wooden arms off of the chair as you stood up. This was enough. It was your body. Your choice. He couldn’t order you to do this. Fury stood strong. He was so close to you but he didn’t move. You felt as if your body had an electric current running through it. You needed to release the energy. You desperately didn’t want to feel this way.

“Fury. you will not order me to have these tests. I am a GROWN woman. I can do what the hell I want” you marched to the door. You threw the wooden arms on to the floor. Your body was shaking. You couldn’t control your anger. You didn’t want to prove him right. You were handling this. You didn't need help. You didn’t need tests. You just needed to be left alone.

“Y/N. Please” he pleaded and you spun around.

“NO. This is my body and I will deal with whatever is going on with me. Is it a problem that I constantly filled with rage? YES. BUT it is MY problem. I DON’T WANT TO KNOW MORE. I DON’T WANT TO KNOW HOW MUCH OF A SCIENCE EXPERIMENT GONE WRONG I AM. I just want to be NORMAL” you screamed at him. You punched the wall as you screamed NORMAL. He shuddered as the sound of your fist hitting the concrete vibrated around the room.

“Director Fury, Captain Rogers is here for your meeting” F.R.I.D.A.Y informed him and you shook your head. You stormed out as he shouted back to you “this isn’t over” and you called back as you passed Steve “it sure as hell is!”

There was only one thing you could do now that your body was overcome with rage. The gym.

“Do I even want to know” Steve smiled as he shut Fury’s office door and noticed the dent in the wall. Fury walked around his desk and sat down. He pointed at the chair and Steve sat down.

“So. what did you want to talk to me about” Fury said as Steve sat in the chair opposite him, the one you had only just left. He looked for the arms on the chair, and noticed them on the floor and looked back to Fury who just shook his head. He knew not to ask.

“I want to talk about Bucky, Y/N and Natty” Steve stated, just looking at the arms laying on the floor. Fury’s head dropped. This was causing enough drama for a lifetime.

\-------

Adjusting your stance you rolled your shoulders back before squaring up to the punching dummy in front of you. You checked your hands were taped right and exhaled before landing a punch square in the stomach. The dummy was reinforced and vibrated with your punch. You exhaled and fell in to the rhythm of releasing your rage against the dummy. You felt the electricity coursing through your body. Deep down you knew Fury was right. You needed to know what you were dealing with. You spent days trying to control your emotions, specifically anger. The only thing that helped was the gym. You spent hours in the gym, and you were sure Fury had been noticing how often you were in there. You had Natty training as a form of stress release and self defence but this was your secret. You didn’t dare tell her. You didn’t want this. You didn’t want to be different. You hated the way your body felt alien to you. You had looked in the mirror and could see how your body looked different. You looked stronger but you never felt weaker. This was different to Natty. There had always been a concern at the back of you mind that other than her eyes she had got a few other traits from Bucky. You had been experimented on. You had been tortured. Your only thought was Natty. As the cold liquid filled your body, and the intense pain caused by the current hitting your body. You shook your head as you landed another punch. You were not thinking about that. You repositioned yourself and started throwing in kicks alongside your punches. The dummy was the men who had kidnapped you. The men who had taunted you about Natty as they beat you. You hit the dummy harder. You were coping. Between keeping your rage under control and giving Bucky the space he wanted from you, coping was far from what you were doing. You hadn’t meant to shout at your oldest friend, you hadn’t meant to punch the wall, you had just lost control. Control, that’s that you needed. You made a mental note to buy him a new chair and send a desk plant to Fury. You kicked the dummy’s head and went back to overthinking. After pouring your heart out to Natasha you had buried those feelings right back down. You didn’t love Bucky. You weren’t in love with Bucky, you just didn’t know how to explain your emotions attached to your shared connection. You definitely didn’t love Bucky. It didn’t hurt you that he didn’t call, or text. You had felt nothing when it was Steve that told you that Bucky’s house arrest had been lifted. You absolutely had felt nothing while you spent days working to free Bucky from house arrest, you felt nothing when the deal you had worked on had been accepted.

You turned and kicked the dummy so hard that it spilt, and went flying across the room. The crash filled the room. Your ass hit the floor and you felt the tears pour down your face. You hadn’t noticed that your knuckles were bleeding. The blood seeping through the tape. You had made such a mess, and the hardest part was being strong for her. You couldn’t tell her any of this. You were her mum, the strength in her life. There was no way you could admit you had no idea what you were doing and your heart was breaking every time she mentioned his name. You couldn’t kid yourself any longer. You hadn’t slept properly without his voice. You missed him so much your body physically hurt. You didn’t want him to know how you had appealed his house arrest. How you had taken blame for his actions and somehow they had overturned it. You didn’t want his pity. You wanted him to love you. But you knew that wasn’t possible.

“Y/N?” You heard Bucky’s voice echo in the empty gym. You looked up as he walked towards you. He looked so good. Any pretence that you weren’t in love with him flew out the window the second you heard his voice. Of course he was here. Of course he was here as you sat with your knees hugged in to your chest sobbing your heart out.

“I’m ok” you stuttered as you pressed your hands on the grown and stood up. You wiped the tears off of your face and plastered that smile across. You weren’t about to let him know what a mess you were. He walked over and looked at you, then to the destroyed punching dummy and then back at you. You watched as he chewed his lip, unsure of what he was about to say, the anticipation causing adrenaline to course though your body.

“I’m sorry about that message. I suppose, I have trust issues when it comes to you. You can’t blame me” he stated and as you were about to object he continued.

“It’s your turn to listen. I know you’re struggling. I know about the experiments. You can’t ignore this” he said pointing at the destroyed punching dummy lying limp on the floor.

You couldn’t believe Fury would do this to you. How could he betray your trust and go to Bucky about this. You shook your head and turned your back on him, no, you weren’t doing this. Not now. Not with him.

“Y/N. I can help you. I want to help you” he said taking a step forward and gently placed a hand on your shoulder. Your whole body tensed. The warmth of his hand on your shoulder. You pulled back before he could register the goosebumps covering your whole body at his touch.

“Did Fury tell you?” You mumble, your tears almost blocking your words.

“No, you did” he said gently and you turned to face him. You were so close, you could feel the heat radiating from him. He always had run hot. You tried not to remember how it felt to be in his arms. How he held you close and stroked your hair. How his lips felt on your skin. You shook the memories from your mind.

“What?” You asked, desperately trying to remember. When did you tell him. You had been so careful with what you shared with him.

“One of your episodes. You… you thought I was going to..” he trailed off and your hands flew to your mouth. “No” you gasped and you felt more tears stinging behind your eyes. Shame filled your face and mind. How could you have thought he was an agent.

“I guessed from that, and Fury confirmed it. He said you won’t accept any tests. Y/N, you need help. You can’t do this on your own” 

You couldn’t help it, the rage fuelled your body. He had only been showing you pity with those phone calls. Waiting for the moment you showed weakness! You pulled back and stepped away from him.

“I am fine on my own! I don’t need anyone!” You shout at him and he calmly stepped forward, he grabbed your bloody hands and began to gently inspect them, you noticed the bloody tape. “Look, I want to help. I know what you’re going through. Please. Let me help.”

You shook your head and he continued “at least let me teach you how you tape your hands properly.” He smiled and you could feel your body melting. The rage disappearing in his smile. You pulled your hands back and reached for the hem of your shirt. You pulled it up and wiped your face. The sweat and tears was an attractive look. He noticed as you had a tattoo. Peeking out from the waistband of your sports bra. Delicate white flowers. Like the dried ones he had found in the box of natty’s things. His mind wondered as he thought about the little white flowers. What meaning did they have to you that you would have them tattooed on your body. It was on your left side. You saw him staring and you quickly dropped the hem of your shirt and looked at him. Had he seen them? Had he noticed your tattoo? The white flower tattoo that you had done all those years ago that reminded you of him. You hoped the significance was lost on him. Closest to your heart.

You wrapped your arms around your body, trying to hide your bloody hands. You couldn’t handle the way he was looking at you. It felt as if you had been kicked in the gut. He was looking at you with pity. That’s how he felt. He pitied you. You were desperately in love with him.

“Let’s start with tape” you told him, accepting his help and the opportunity to spend time with him. He laughed.

“How surprised was Natty?” you asked as you headed out of the gym. Bucky walking side by side with you. He chuckled and his hand tapped you side “ Oh, I wish you had seen it. She screamed. She thought I had broken out! She shouted at me before I could explain! We went for milkshakes.”. the tap on your side was friendly. As if you were one of the guys. 

You smiled a painful smile. “Oh. I saw that David kid. I don’t like him” Bucky told you and knew you were making a big mistake being so close to him. Fuck, being in love hurt. You had never met anyone since Winter, and in this moment you knew why. It had always been him. The man you had fallen for was Bucky. The softness of Winter was actually Bucky. He’d been there the whole time.


	27. Chapter 27

The clinical feel of the room annoyed you. The white walls unsettled you. The limited artwork on the walls, the stark contrast of the black leather couch and the chair that faced the couch. The occupant of the chair stared at you. The feeling of annoyance radiated from you and they could sense it. You refused to speak until the other two necessary members arrived and the occupant of the chair eyed you. Your arms folded across your body, and one leg resting over the other it was evident to anyone that you didn’t want to be here, and a red flag to the therapist sitting in front of you. She watched as you shifted uncomfortably, trying your best not to make any eye contact with her. Your eyes scanned the room. This was not a normal therapist’s office. This room had been set up to look like a therapist’s office but with one difference, you knew it was packed out with control measures in case of an outburst. You tried to spy the camera in the room, and you were convinced that the bookcase was in fact a front, and behind it held another room where you were being observed from. This was ridiculous. This was another one of those stupid ideas of Steve Rogers, and you had no choice but to agree to it. In fact Fury had told you that there was no choice and you had been ordered to attend. So here you were, waiting for Bucky and Natty to arrive. The therapist, who introduced herself as Sandra, coughed to clear her throat and you looked up at her. She had a kind smile, a smile that tried to tell you “this will all be ok” but you knew it wasn’t going to be. You took in a deep breath and exhaled. You had told Natty she couldn’t be late, but they were and the longer you waited for them the more annoyed you were becoming. You were getting better at controlling your frustration, and using this anger in the gym to fuel the feelings in a more productive way; rather than smashing something, you now used a punching bag and it helped. There was no access to your punching bag now. There was a knock at the door and you both looked over to see Natty and Bucky enter. Natty bounding in with a cheerful energy that annoyed you, and Bucky walking in head down embarrassed at their lateness. He mumbled “sorry we’re late” and Natty sat down next to you, and Bucky the other side. You looked at them and realised you had all accidentally dressed the same. Black jeans, black tshirt and matching hair in buns. You sat back in to the couch, and allowed the session to begin. Natty sat with a nervous energy, her leg jittering and occasionally bumping in to yours. It annoyed you. Bucky sat forward, his arms resting on his knees as he man spread taking room away from Natty, and you. This annoyed you. You did not want to be here. This was a formality that you were not going to engage with. You had to be here but you didn’t have to agree with what was being discussed.

“So, why don’t we start with, why are you all here...Y/N? Sandra softly asked and you scoffed.

“I am here because I was ordered to be” you stated and Natty shot you a dirty look and Bucky looked to you. He gave you a look you had become accustomed with through your training sessions. He didn’t need to tell you to drop the sarcasm or attitude, the look did it in one.

“Ok, Bucky?” Sandra moved on to him and he nodded. “Ok. so we are here to discuss Natty taking a more active role in our work” Bucky stated and he placed his hand on Natty’s and she beamed at him.

You couldn’t help it, your head cocked to the side and you scoffed again. Our work. Our work, like they ran a small shop and Natty wanted to start working weekends. No. This was completely different. This conversation had been going on for weeks, and now you were in a family therapy session to talk about the concerns you had, concerns...like putting your daughter in to dangerous situations where she could be killed wasn’t already a legitimate concern. You had refused to talk about it. Steve and Fury had come up with this nonsense idea that if the three of you could just talk about it and come to a compromise then it would be the best for everyone. Natty was pissed off at you because you put a blanket no on her ever being involved and you had grounded her until she was 18 after pulling that stunt with Peter. You monitored all of her movements weekdays and trusted Bucky had your back on weekends keeping her from harms way. Bucky had agreed to the therapy session, and even with your latest training session with you he had tried to convince you to at least come to the session with an open mind. You had agreed to go, but an open mind was a step too far.

“Y/N. why don’t you tell us what you are thinking about?” Sandra asked and you avoiding both Natty and Bucky and spoke directly to Sandra.

“I am sure you are aware of who we are, or at least who he is.” you point at Bucky and he rolled his eyes at you. Sandra nodded and you continued. “So for him to suggest we are here to talk about our daughter taking an active part in our work would actually mean that Natalia, would be taking part in missions. Missions where she is actively being shot at. I am not signing off on this. She can do what she wants when she is 18 but until then I will not allow her to be a weapon. She’s not a fighter, she’s a child”

“Am I a weapon?” Bucky asked you, softly, looking directly at you. His face soft, and sweet, and your heart fluttered. You hated it when he looked at you like this. The softness of his lips, the kindness radiating from his eyes. He wasn’t a weapon.

“No” you mumble and he continued “then why would you think of Natty being used as one?” Natty sat there quietly. She knew it was not a good idea to get involved between the two of you.

“Because… she’s just a kid… Bucky don’t twist this” you told him. You were unable to articulate your words, but you shouldn’t have to. You were her mother. You didn’t need to explain yourself.

“I am not thrilled at the prospect of you taking part in missions. But, Natty, you have skill, skill we could use and you want to do this” he said and you exhaled again. This was nonsense. She didn’t know what she wanted. She had never faced real danger. She was glamourising what you did for a living. You tried another tact. You turned to him and asked “so if you were on a mission and something went wrong with Natty, would you hold your position or run to her? Because I am the one who is giving orders, and you’re going to sit there and tell me she wouldn’t be a liability to you in the field?”

Natty looked at you with tears in her eyes. She had never thought of herself as a liability. That word rang in her mind and she couldn’t believe you would ever say something so hurtful to her. Bucky sat for a moment to collect his thoughts and took Natty’s hand. He held it tightly and directed his response to her. She looked up at her father, with nothing but love in her eyes.

“Natalia, you would never be a liability to me, on or off the field” you realised how Natty had taken the question and you tried to tell her “natt..” but Bucky cut you off. “Your mother has a point. Would I be able to concentrate on a mission if you got hurt? I can’t sit here and lie and say yes. The mission comes first because that is simply not true. You come first Natalia. However. You are not a helpless young woman. You have skill, and with training you would be a real asset. If this is something you truly want to do, then I will have to learn how to be in the field with you”

You felt betrayed in a moment. Bucky was backing Natty in the field. The united front you had hoped to show was now gone. His words cut like a knife. The way he had said “mother” as if that is all you had been reduced to, a mother had felt like a slur. Natty nodded and he looked at you.

“Y/N. If Bucky can learn to be comfortable with the prospect of Natalia joining the team, is this something you think you can come to terms with”

The short answer was no. The thought of you sitting in a briefing room with her sitting looking at you for orders was not something you had ever wanted to contemplate but this was a moment that you could lose your daughter. She desperately wanted to fight. She wanted to be like her parents.

“I don’t know” you told the room and Natty turned to you. This time she took hold of your hand and you looked at the smiling face of you daughter. Her eyes sparkled. She held your hand tightly and asked “Mum, please. I just want to make you proud”

“Natalia, you do make me proud, I am so proud of you. But fighting isn’t about pride. I would be proud of you if you told me you wanted to be a writer, a...a… chef…. Hell, even if you told me you wanted to be a dancer! But this is different. You would be putting your life in danger, every time. You would be risking your own life and I just can’t accept that.”

She pulled her hand back from yours and she stood up. She turned to you and looked down at you. She took a deep breath and shouted “how different is this from your job, dad’s job. You risk your life every day. YOU ALMOST DIED and now you patronise me telling me blah blah this is dangerous. Don’t you think I UNDERSTAND? I understand every time there’s a mission.”

Your eyes flew wide open and you told her “yea! I almost died. Your dad could have been killed trying to save me, FOR YOU. Can you understand that I don’t want this for you. That all i have ever done is try to keep you safe. You are being ungrateful Natalia”

She threw herself back on to the couch and you turned away from her. Sandra watched all of this as Bucky opened and closed his mouth a couple of times, unsure of what to say. Natty rolled her eyes and you both sat there, with your arms folded against your body.

“This is different. I am different” Natty muttered and Sandra asked “why is this different Natty?”

She looked at you and then informed the room “it is different because I have power and you’re just jealous that I take after Dad. you almost died because you’re not special. I am special”

Your mind reeled. You couldn’t stop yourself. You were furious at her. Bucky placed his head in his hands because he knew what was coming.

“The reason I didn’t die, Natalia is that they experimented on me. I was experimented on. A similar serum runs through my blood, just as his. You have no idea what you are talking about. You are not special. This doesn’t make you special.” and you turned to Sandra “I am sorry I can’t” and you carefully walked out of the room. You heard Natty crying out your name and you didn’t turn round. You made it to the corridor and you heard the door opened opposite and saw Tony standing there. He looked at you with a sadness that you had never wanted to see. Tears filled your eyes. You knew they had been watching. The secret was out. He took a step forward and you shook your head. You didn’t want his pity. You didn’t want the sadness he felt to be put on you.

“Y/N..” he started and you continued to shake your head.

“Tony, don’t” you put your hands up and he walked forward and wrapped his arms around you and held you. You had expected everyone to react in horror. Here he was just holding you. You heard another door close, and you pulled back from Tony and saw Bucky standing there. That soft smile, those eyes that bore in to your soul. Tony stepped back and allowed the two of you space. You looked to the floor, you couldn’t stand him looking at you the way he was. There was such concern written all over his face. It broke your heart to see him looking at you like this, because you wanted nothing more than for him to take you in to his arms and hold you. To tell you everything was going to be ok. For him to tell you that you weren’t a freak, and that you were still you. Even though you know that wasn’t true. You didn’t know who or what you are. He took a cautious step forward. You didn’t move. He stepped again and you were almost touching. He gently wiped away the tear rolling down your cheek and wrapped his arms around your body. He pulled you in close and held you tight. The way his body felt against yours made your heart beat rapidly. You felt the pressure of his arms against you and you felt safe. He whispered in your ear

“You’re ok. It is all ok”

Your face was pressed in to his chest and you felt a release you had been holding in for too long and you began to sob. Your body shuddered against his as you released every thought and frustration. Tony left the two of you standing in the corridor. You held close against Bucky’s body. His hand on the back of your neck, the other stroking your back. He cooed “it’s ok” over again and you wanted to believe him. This was the first moment of physical care he had shown you other than a few weeks ago when he had bathed your bloody knuckles, and taped them up. He had been so gentle your heart had barely been able to take it. He had shown you kindness and care, and then that evening the bed time calls had started again, but this time they were different. He was treating you differently, but not in the way you had hoped. This was different. Bucky holding you is all you had ever wanted. You sobbed on to his shirt, not bothering to care about the mess you were making of his shirt. Your sobs slowed and he pulled you back from him and staring in to your eyes he told you “she’s not going to ask you about what you said. I’ve asked her not to.” you nodded at him and he continued “I know you don’t want to let her, but if we allow her to be part of the team then we can have some level of control. I don’t want her out there without our support. She’s going to do it whether we like it or not. Can you at least allow Tony to make her a suit?”

There it was. The concern for you was all about keeping you calm, so he could try and convince you to let her fight. You couldn’t bear to say no, you didn’t have the energy to fight it anymore. Your heart was breaking as you had allowed yourself to melt in to him, and for your head to listen to your heart, and suggest in that moment in his arms you had thought he cared for you the way you cared for him. But no. it was about Natty. It was about calming you down to talk and convince you to let her endanger her own life.

“Fine”

You heard Natty squeal “really?!” and she jumped up and hugged you. You smiled through the heartbreak. This wasn’t a fight you were ever going to win. Bucky watched as Natty cautiously moved back from you. “I’m sorry” she stuttered out. You shook your head and reached out and cupped her cheek. “Natty. No need to be sorry. we ‘ll start with seeing what Tony can create and then run more tests. It’s not a yes”. She nodded and watched you. You knew she wanted to ask about your outburst. But there was no point. He told Natty to apologise and give you space. So she did.

“I am going to head out.” you told bucky and Natty. They both looked at you shocked. You were absolutely not going back in to talk with Sandra. You were sick of talking. Sick of trying to protect her and sick of being around Bucky and feeling as if you were going to burst out “i love you” every time his eyes fell on yours. “Mum, stay. Have dinner with us. We can talk” Natty said and you pulled her in to a hug. You looked at Bucky. You didn’t want to talk with Natty about this. You were barely ready to talk to anyone about this.

“No sweetie. I have plans with Nat, in the city. Drinks and dancing. Long overdue. You two have a nice Saturday evening” you told her and she shook her head. She looked like she was about to cry.

“Mum. I want to talk” she told you and you smiled at her, and then at Bucky.

“Sweetheart. It’s Saturday. Enjoy your time with your dad, and then we will talk about this on monday.”

“Are you sure? Cause Dad and I were going to make cookies and have a pamper evening tonight” she told you and you looked over to Bucky and smirked. “Pamper night?” you teased at him. He looked to the ground and rubbed the back of his neck, a blush creeping across his cheeks. “I stand by it” he told you. He smiled at you and you couldn’t help but return the smile.

“I am meeting Nat, otherwise I would join in with the face masks” you told them both. Bucky winked at you. Your stomach flipped.

“Mum, I am sorry for what I said in there”

“Natalia. We’ll talk about it all on Monday. Enjoy your face masks, and cookies. Maybe bring some back for me” and she nodded. Bucky put his arms out as if to hug you and you hesitated before stepping forward. He hugged you and whispered “I am sure you won’t need my phone call tonight. Good luck tonight. I’ll send her back with cookies”

You pulled back and tried hard not to allow his words to take hold of you. You chuckle lightly and he winked at you. You knew what he was insinuating. A night on the town with Natasha, and a teenage free house. He couldn’t be further from the truth.

“Right kiddo, let’s go and make those cookies. I am sure you Mum wants to go and get ready. I know what girls night with Nat can be” and he winked at you before putting an arm around Natty and walking her down the corridor. You let out the breath you had been holding. Bucky had winked at you, and basically told your daughter you were going out looking for a man. The only man you wanted had just walked away from you. You needed to head back to the city and get ready to meet Nat. You needed a drink. You really needed a drink.

\------------------------

You pulled the edges of you jacket taut and took a deep breath. You opened the door to the bar and walked in. You couldn’t help but allow your hips to sway as you looked around for Nat. You saw her sitting in a corner booth and she waved you over. You walked over to her and she stood up and hugged you. You hadn’t seen her properly in weeks.

“You look good” Nat told you as you took a seat opposite her. She slid a drink over to you and you accepted it gratefully. You had really made an effort in your appearance tonight. Spent hours doing your hair, and make up, choosing what to wear. It didn’t necessarily come naturally to you but you had perfected some skills. You had a couple of go to outfits, your favourite black jeans, shoes you knew you could strut and dance in and a top that extenuated your best assets. You looked at Natasha who oozed effortless sex appeal. You battled with your demon of dressing your age, and dressing as a woman with a teenage daughter so you felt comfortable in jeans. Tight and showing off you ass, but jeans nonetheless. Natasha was wearing a dress. A dress that fit her in all the right places. You knew the moment the two of you got on that dance floor it would be men flocking to you, and you didn’t want that at all. Tonight was about catching up with Natasha, but you couldn’t get his comment out of your head. He thought you were going out and going to sleep with someone. He really didn’t have a clue about how you felt about him.

“So do you” you held up your glass and she clinked her glass against yours. You took a generous mouthful before setting down the glass and surveying the room. There was a long bar, slowly filling with patrons, and a small dance floor you assumed would be full once more people had alcohol in their system. Natasha allowed the silence to sit there for a moment before asking

“So are we not going to talk about you and Barnes?”

You knew it was coming, you had been avoiding this question for weeks. Keeping yourself busy with work and dodging any attempt at her to talk to you. With the mention of his name, you fought the smile that wanted to cross your lips. 

“Nope” you answered and she laughed.

“Y/N. you called me in the middle of the night months ago to tell me you thought you were in love with him and then you hung up on me. It’s been months. Why don’t you just talk about it?” Nat told you. It was true. It had been months, months of you ignoring and burying your feelings about him.

“I know that. But I was wrong” you told her, lying directly to her face. You thought of nothing else. Your nightly calls, your weekly training sessions with him and any opportunity you had to talk to him. He only really talked to you about Natty, but any opportunity was better than no opportunity right.

“Wrong how?” she asked leaning forward, you knew the interrogation was about to begin. You paused for a moment and took another sip of your drink, a generous amount to help answer her question.

“I think I was misappropriating my feelings. I think I am just excited to talk to him about Natty. It’s not love” you told her and she nodded. She listened to you, and eyed you as she took another mouthful of her drink.

“That’s bullshit” she told you and you shook your head.

“Y/N. I see the way you look at him. You think I don’t notice when his name is mentioned, the corners of your mouth crease, almost in to a smile. Do you still fall asleep talking to him?”

You stared in to your glass. You hadn’t told her about that, which mean he must have told her.

“He tell you that?” you asked, and she shook her head. You looked at her and she replied “I heard him one night. He was in the kitchen. I could hear you laughing on the other end of the phone. So I asked him. He told me the two of you talk every night. What is that about, you talking about Natty?”

“Nat, I don’t wanna talk about it?” you told her. You just wanted to drink.

“Y/N. You should tell him how you feel”

You down your drink and make an excuse to go to the bar for another. You were absolutely never going to tell him how you felt. You lined up additional shots and downed them in one. You grabbed yourself and Natasha another drink and headed back over to her.

“So what’s the plan for tonight?” you changed the subject and she laughed.

“Y/N you can avoid this for only so long. You should tell him”

“And risk causing more drama for everyone? Absolutely not. No Natasha. Whatever feelings I have for him will be buried and a secret between you and me. You hear me, between you and me. He doesn’t have feelings for me. God, only a few months ago he could barely look at me, let alone love me. You didn’t see the way he looked at me in that cell”

You drank more alcohol, even though it was having little effect on you. She eyed you suspiciously. You have never mentioned the cell, or what had happened.

“Tell me then. Tell me what happened in the cell”

You took a deep breath and you knew there was no going back.

“He kissed me. We were fighting and i told him lies. I could feel that he was getting too close. He wanted me to tell him about us. He was pushing my buttons so I pushed back. I...I..I told him that i had played him like a mark. And then he kissed me, and it felt like I was back there 15 years ago in his arms. It felt so right and then he looked at me like...like” and you could feel the tears building up, and you were determined not to cry in the bar. Natasha reached out and took hold of your hand.

“The way he looked at me, he kissed me to prove I was wrong. He was right. But I can’t get the way he looked at me out of my mind. He basically told me I disgust him. It’s taken me 6 months to be on good terms with him. I can’t risk it. Spending time with him, means everything to me. And I would rather spend time with him like that than go back to him not speaking to me, or it being awkward. So Nat. Can we just drop it?”

She squeezed your hand “but” and you told her “no. He basically told me he’s expecting me to go out and bang someone here” you point out to the now sea of patrons. “If he had any romantic inclination towards me why would he wink and wish me luck! So no. I would rather that unrequited love, than risk being hurt. Natty needs two parents who get along, and it’s the best for her so, please. I am begging you. Please drop it”

She nodded, and the two of you sat in silence.

“So. how’s your love life?” you asked her and she smirked. You had been honest with someone for the first time in a long time. You couldn’t risk losing the closeness you had with him. So, if this was all it was going to be then that was enough. You knew you would move on, but it was going to take time.

\---------------

“Mum!” you heard Natty calling from her bedroom. You continued to make yourself breakfast. Bucky was on his way over to pick Natty up. It was Christmas eve. She was spending the holidays over at the compound. She had tried to persuade you to join them all but you were holding strong. You had plans to watch movies, and eat all of your feelings.

“Yes darling?” you called back to her. You could hear a lot of noise coming from her room and you thought it would be best to investigate. Grabbing your cup of tea you wander in and she is desperately trying to wrap presents on her bed. “Do you want a hand?” you asked, chuckling softly. “No, I got this. Are you sure you don’t want to come?” she asked and you shook your head. You weren’t part of the Avengers family, but Natty was. You knew it would be too hard to be around everyone so it was easier to be on your own than be around him. There was a knock at the door and you looked up. Bucky opened the door with the key you had given him and he stood awkwardly in the door way. He stood there with a small gift bag hanging in his hand. You were relived. It seemed that he had maybe bought you a gift. Thankfully you had bought him one too.

“Hey, congrats on the whole White Wolf thing” you told him and he smiled. The winter soldier was no more and the world had been introduced to the White Wolf and Bucky was beaming. His happiness radiating from him. 

“thanks, look, you sure you don’t want to come with?” he greeted you and you smirked at him. It was hard enough telling Natty no, but Bucky was the real test.

“Mum said she wanted to watch movies and eat junk food without us Dad!” Natty called from her room and you mentally cursed her.

“Really Y/N? You sure you don’t want to come with us? We have junk food and movies? Tony’s organised for a big meal tomorrow?” he said. He watched you as you desperately tried to think of a reason not to go. You couldn’t tell him the truth. That watching him and Natty would break your heart, because you were always on the outside.

“Y/N. come on. You don’t want to be here all on your own?” he said again. Natty joined you with a suitcase and a large bag full of presents. “Come on Mum. please! I don’t want you being on your own here. Come and hang out with us. Please. Dad. tell her she needs to come”

He cocked his head to the side and you admitted defeat. “I’ll catch up with you. I will be there tonight. Ok?”

He moved forward and kissed you on the cheek. “Good. movies will start at 7pm. Face masks are mandatory” and the two of them left you alone. You sighed. Pulling out your phone you texted Natasha. You needed her to know you might need back up.

\------

You walked towards the guest bedroom, Bucky leading your way. He opened the door and showed you inside and stood awkwardly at the doorway. You had been watching movies with Natty and Bucky all evening and after she went to bed Bucky offered to show you to where you would be staying. You had been on edge the entire time, unable to relax. You found him intoxicating. He kept looking over to you as you laughed along with the film. You kept catching him looking and you allowed yourself to hope. Him offering to walk you to your bedroom had your mind on overdrive. Maybe he did feel the same. You hated to admit to yourself how much you enjoyed being with him, and her. enjoying the family dynamic you had always dreamed of. The way you had imagined your life with her, and him in the beginning. Now you almost had it, and it meant the world to you but there was a sadness hiding behind it. A sadness of loving someone who didn’t even notice. 

“Thanks Bucky” you told him, and he paused. You didn’t know what to do. He loitered, and you took a deep breath. Maybe you should tell him. Maybe he was giving you the signals. Maybe he felt the same way.

“I got you a present. I thought, maybe I could give it to you now. Just the two of us?” he mumbled and your breath hitched. He stepped forward and pulled a blue velvet box out of his pocket. His hand shook as he handed it to you. You opened the box and gasped. There was a necklace, with a pendant hanging there. The pendant had was a tiny white flower in resin. The white flower that you had tattooed on your body. The white flowers that he would pick for you when the two of you had snuck out all of those years ago. The white flowers that made you think of him, and only him. You had tears in your eyes. You gently touched the pendant and looked up at him. His eyes were filled with tears too.

“Bucky, I don’t know what to say” you managed to tell him. You set it down on the bed and walked to your bag that had been placed in the room. You routed through and pulled out his present. It was an envelope. You walked over to him and handed it to him. “I got you something too”

You picked the pendant back up, and continued to stare at it. You couldn’t believe he had bought you such an incredible gift. There was hope. He had to know the meaning of this flower to the two of you. He had to. He opened the envelope and pulled out the paper.

“Is this..” he started and you looked at him. Tears rolled down his eyes and the paper shook in his hand. You nodded and he walked forward. He dropped the paper and his hands reached your face and he kissed you. You hand dropped the box and your hands wrapped around his back. His lips were soft. Just as you had remembered. You were transported back to all of those years ago. The kiss was gentle, and you melted in to his touch. He pulled back and his eyes searched your face. You smiled. He returned your smile. You wanted to scream with joy, with happiness. 

“I have wanted to do that for months” he told you and you gasped softly. Months. Months repeated over and over in your head.

“Bucky. I am in love with you” you blurt out, before you can say another word his lips are on yours, this time its harder, more desperate.

“Y/N. I love you too”. He walked back and closed the bedroom door. He walked back to you and kissed you and the two of you explored each other, as if those 16 years apart had been no more than a few days.


	28. Chapter 28

The sunlight drifted in to the room and caused you to gently stir. You allowed your body to melt in to the softest bed you had ever felt. You felt the arm draped against your body holding you, a smile spread across your face. Bliss. Opening your eyes you tried to move gently so as not to wake the owner of the arm currently holding you in place. It felt as if you were in a waking dream. The replayed the night over in your head, the touch of his lips on yours, the way his breath felt on your neck, the way your head spun as he whispered “I love you” as two of you made up for lost time. It had to be a dream. You managed enough to roll over to see him still fast asleep. His eyes fluttered as he dreamed. He lay on his side, facing you his arm draped across your stomach. It rested on you, and the weight of it cause butterflies to flutter in your stomach. You watched as his chest rose and fell. The almost smile that crept across his face. You felt at home. You could feel the overwhelming sense of panic rising through your body. What if he regretted it. What if, this had all been a reaction to your christmas present and that, when he woke up he would leave. He would look at you with the same look of disgust that he had back in that cell. What if he wasn’t in love with you but it was some cruel trick to get back at you for all of the problems you had brought in to his life. Your mind was telling you to run. To go and shower, and then he would be able to slip out of your room and you would never have to talk about this with him. You moved slightly. He stirred and pulled his hand tighter on your waist. You body relaxed. Your mind silenced. He held you close to him and he inhaled, he remembered your scent. The hint of vanilla washing over him. He opened his eyes and you found yourself lost in the blue. He smiled. He raised his hand from your waist and cupped your cheek. You were lost in his eyes. It was as if you were that young woman, so lost and helpless in the arms of someone who grounded you. All of that fear that you had felt a moment ago gone.

“Morning” he said softly as his hand caressed your cheek. You felt as if you were floating on air. The gruff of his voice made you smile. You moved forward and kissed him. He shifted and you leaned over him. Lost in your lips the two of you locked in a passionate embrace. You pulled back from him and bit your lip.

“Morning Bucky” you told him, and you let out a small giggle. His arms wrapped around you tightly and he held you there, just for a moment. He surveyed your face, as if he was searching for something. He held you close to his body and the warmth warmed you. You were sure that he could feel your heart racing.

“What?” you asked, looking back in his face.

“I just want to really remember this” he told you, and before you could say something he continued “I want to remember how you look first thing in the morning. We never got to wake up together”

You blinked, and as your smile widened. He was right. All of those months together you had never been able to spend a full night together. He had always had to sneak out before morning light so that you would never be caught together. There was never a moment where the two of you could fully relax with each other, until now.

“I like waking up with you Bucky” you told him and his hand reached up to the back of your neck and pulled you gently down to his lips. You were lost in him. His hands stroked your back through his shirt that you had thrown on after a night of exploring each other. His hands slid down further and slipped under the shirt. You moaned softly in to his mouth feeling his hands on your skin. For the first time in months your head wasn’t filled with too many thoughts, just one. Him. The two of you were so lost in each other that neither of you with your heightened sense of hearing heard the bounding footsteps of a teenager coming down the hall. Your bedroom door flew open and a cry of “Merry Christmas Mum!” and then an almighty scream. You screamed with the shock of Natty’s scream and Bucky bolted upright, causing you to roll straight on to the floor. The thud of you hitting the floor and the groan filled the room before Bucky looked at Natty. Natty was standing there with her hands covering her eyes. You sat up and watched Bucky reaching for his jeans. He pulled them on in one swift movement. You were very aware you were sitting on the floor in your knickers and his oversized shirt. You felt as if the two of you were the teenagers that had just been caught by a parent, not the other way round.

“Natty…” he said looking around for his shirt, before noticing it was on you. He put his hand out and reached out to you and helped you off the floor.

“I…I…” she started, but didn’t finish her thought process. You stood there and looked around for your clothes. His t-shirt drowning you. Bucky noticed the embarrassment creeping across your face and he stepped in front of you. He placed his hand on your hip and moved you to his side.

“Natty. Your mother and I..” he started but Natty squealed. She jumped forward and threw herself in between the two of you, wrapping her arms around both of your necks. She held on tight and you looked at him confused.

“Are you two… a thing?… how long has this been happening?” she asked, her excitement radiating from her. You looked at him and he shrugged his shoulders. “Natty… we haven’t quite discussed that” you said and she pulled back from you.

“What?” she asked and Bucky took hold of your hand. Natty looked confused. She wasn’t stupid. She knew exactly what she had walked in on.

“Natty. What you saw” Bucky started but feeling his hand in yours, the warmth and the security you squeezed it. He looked at you and you beamed at him. He squeezed it back. You didn’t know what the next words out of his mouth were going to be.

“I know what I saw Dad” she scoffed. He exhaled and inhaled again, loudly, and clearly embarrassed.

“Your mother and I.. it just happened” he said.

Steve came running in to the room. Oh great you thought, another person basically catching you and Bucky in the act. You had enjoyed the company of him for one night, and a beautiful moment in the morning only to be rudely interrupted by your child, and his best friend.

“I heard screaming….oh” Steve said looking around the room. Bucky shirtless, you pantless. Natty standing in the doorway. Natty looked at him and he turned around.

“Sorry. I.. F.R.I.D.A.Y alerted me. There was screaming from here… I didn’t realise..” he said his back to all three of you.

“Natty walked in and screamed” you answered quickly, you didn’t want Steve thinking there was any other screaming happening that F.R.I.D.A.Y may have alerted him to. You let go of his hand as you had spied your jeans and walked over and pulled them on. You walked back over to him and stood by his side. He wrapped an arm around your waist and pulled you against him. You were beginning to feel overwhelmed. You wanted to talk to him. To know what this meant for you. What this all meant for him. It was complicated. Even more complicated with an audience. You looked to the ground and Bucky sensed you were struggling with the audience.

“Ok. it’s getting a little crowded in here” Bucky said and Steve nodded at him. “I’ll leave you three to talk” he said before leaving the room. You moved from Bucky’s side and approached Natty. You placed your hands on her shoulders and she looked up at you with such hope in her eyes, you knew she wanted nothing more than the three of you to be a family. The last thing you wanted was for her to get her hopes up for them to be ruined because actually, this thing with Bucky wasn’t what you thought it was. You knew you needed her to leave. You and Bucky needed to talk.

“Sweetie. I hate to do this to you. But. I need to talk to your dad. This isn’t what it looks like…or it might be, could you go and start breakfast and we’ll catch up with you” you asked softly. She looked at him and he smiled at her, nodding in agreement with you.

“Ok. I guess. I am going to go and see if Steve will help me make waffles. You have 10 minutes” she instructed the two of you. She looked at you with a knowing smile and you wanted to die of embarrassment in that moment. She had given you a set amount of time because she thought that the two of you were going to resume your activity that she had interrupted. She exhaled and announced “best christmas present ever” and bounded out of the room. You looked at Bucky, your eyes wide open. He walked over and shut the bedroom door and walked back to you. He stood in front of you and reached out, grabbing both of your hands. You looked up at him, he was taller than you, not that you had really ever noticed. He looked down at you, and his tongue ran across his bottom lip.

“Did she just insinuate what I think she did?” Bucky asked and you laughed. “Yea she did.” he held your hands and pulled you in closer to him. Your body was now pressed against his. He let go of your hands and you reached up and wrapped them around his neck, with his hands comfortably placed on your hips.

“About last night” you started and dipped his head down and kissed you. His kisses knocked the wind out of you, you couldn’t believe after all this time, he was standing here kissing you. He broke apart from you and his blue eyes bore in to yours.

“I want you to know that, I meant what I said Y/N” he continued and you stared back up at him. You didn’t want the kissing to stop, even though you did fancy waffles. Your heart raced. Your mind in overdrive, he had told you he loved you last night, over and over again.

“I don’t want you thinking that, it was some reaction to my present” he continued and you shook your head. Could he read your mind?

“Every morning I wake up, I look forward to going to sleep, because I know I will hear your voice, your laugh and it’s my favourite part of the day” he told you and you wanted to cry. All of the things you had wanted to hear from him, for the last few months you had told yourself not to be such a fool, but here and now he was confessing his love for you. You watched every inflection on his face, trying to register the words he was saying to you but all you could hear was the dramatic beat of your heart.

“Y/N, I know we have had a rough start. I can’t apologise enough for the way I have behaved and treated you” and at this point you stopped him. You reached up and kissed him, hard. He melted in to your kiss and pulled back again. You let out a whimper of disappointment as the lack of his lips on yours.

“You have nothing to apologise for. It’s me who should be apologising to you”

“Y/N, I want you to know, whatever this is, I am in. all in”

You couldn’t help it. You burst in to tears and he looked shocked. “Doll, no” he said, wiping away the tears. You wouldn’t believe what you were hearing. You had dreamt of this time and time again. Falling asleep to his voice, he was frequently in your dreams. You stared in to his eyes. The blue eyes that had appeared in your dreams. The echo of doll on his lips made your knees weaken.

“I have dreamt of you saying this to me. Is this a dream?” you whispered. His eyelids flutter and he leaned in, and this time pressed his lips to yours, so softly they almost ghosted over yours. This seemed too fast. Too serious. How could this man go from looking at you with disgust to standing here telling you he was all in. Was this all a dream? A cruel joke?

“It’s not a dream” he whispered and you nodded. Tears were cascading down your face and he wiped each of them away.

“Y/N. what do you say?” he kissed your cheeks, along your tear tracks. You nodded and he pulled back from you. His head bowed slightly. “Yes, what?” he asked and you looked up at those blue eyes, and you knew you had only one response.

“I’m all in”

“Where are we going to go on our first date?” he laughed and you couldn’t help but chuckle at the thought. You already had a daughter, a 16 year history and he still wanted to romance you, take you on a date. You were already his. He didn’t need to romance you. “We have to get Christmas day out of the way. There’s a teenager attempting to make us waffles as we speak. So why don’t we decide where our first date will be in the shower” you suggested and then wiggled your eyebrows. His eyebrows raised, and his eyes lit up.

“Natty said 10 minutes… about 10minutes ago” he said, shocked at you. He couldn’t believe what you were suggesting.

“Well then we’d better be quick” and you grabbed his hand and began to lead him to your bathroom. He didn’t need to be told twice. He grabbed your waist and threw you over his shoulder with ease and carried you off squealing in delight.

————

Christmas morning at the Avengers compound was a noisy joyous one. The two of you entered the kitchen to find Steve trying to stop Natty from burning the waffles as Natasha and Sam tried to ferry the enormous amount of food to the dining table. Bucky grabbed hold of your hand and squeezed it tightly. You looked back at him and he winked. You could hear the crowd of people and you began to feel nervous. You stopped. He pulled you towards him by your hand and you hit his chest with a thud.

“We can keep it our little secret. If you’d like?” he whispered and you nodded. This was all too new. You weren’t ready to share him with everyone. You didn’t want to face the questions. No one other than Natasha knew about the night time calls, or the weekly training sessions where the two of you had become closer and closer. This for most people would be a shock. Natty wasn’t shocked, in the slightest. You didn’t know but she had heard your late night phone calls. She saw the way the two of you danced around each other and had secretly hoped, and wished that perhaps the two of you getting along could mean something more. You thought the two of you had been so sly, so secretive but you had forgotten to take in to consideration the secrecy of a teenage girl.

“You don’t mind?” you whispered to him, and he squeezed your hand. “We’ll tell everyone when we’re both ready” and he kissed your cheek. You didn’t want to let go of his hand but you knew you needed to if you wanted to keep it a secret. You squeezed it in return and slipped your hand out of his, and took a step ahead of him.

“Mmm! Breakfast smells good Natty, did you do this all by yourself?” you asked looking over at the table and she beamed at you.

“We’ve been waiting for you” she smiled at you both and gave yourself more distance from Bucky, but you were pretty sure the smile plastered across both of your faces gave you both away. Bucky winked at you as he walked past you and planted a kiss on Natty’s head.

“Happy Christmas Kiddo” he said, picking up the last plate and carried it over to the table. Natasha, Steve, Sam, Clint and Wanda were already sitting down and tucking in to the breakfast that Natty and Steve had made. You walked over and gave her a hug and she looked up at you. She was beaming up at you.

“Ready for breakfast?” you asked her and you matched her smile. “Happy Christmas Mum. You look happy”. You nodded at her and you ushered her over with you to the table. You took the empty seat next to Bucky and Natty sat on the other side of him. Bucky’s hand rested on your knee and you immediately felt your body relax. You had only spent time around the team as their Director, or as the woman who caused Bucky anguish. You didn’t know how to react around them, so you stayed quiet and just watched the dynamic of the family that had welcomed your daughter with open arms. Breakfast was inhaled, and then Steve announced that it was present time! Bucky leaned over to you and said “we’ve got presents, then a couple of hours before Tony and Pepper are coming for dinner. After presents, do you want to watch christmas movies with me and Natty?” you nodded and followed everyone to the living room.

You watched with caution as everyone exchanged gifts, one by one. Natasha sat down next to you. She eyed you suspiciously. She had been watching you all morning, the way you quietly sat there, and watched. You knew she sensed something, and you struggled to hide your happiness from her.

“That’s pretty” she said, as she pointed to the pendant hanging from your neck. Your hand flew up to it and covered it. Would she recognise the flowers? Would she know?

“Thanks. It was a christmas gift” you muttered, trying to pay attention to Wanda opening a gift from Vision. She smirked at you, and you knew in an instant she recognised the flowers.

“Bucky remembered then?” she asked and you smiled sweetly at her. You didn’t want to give it all away. Wanda looked over and saw the two of you in conversation.

“Oh! Y/N! That’s such a pretty necklace” she called out and they all stopped and looked over to the two of you. You could feel the blush creeping across your face. Why had you put it on, or more importantly why had you allowed Bucky to put it on you. It was going to invite questions. You couldn’t help but look at Bucky and he looked at you. The family watched as the two of you exchanged looks.

“Thanks, it was a present from Bucky” you told the group and Sam looked over at him, Steve eyed him suspiciously too. You could feel the tension in the room. You didn’t like that everyone was looking at you. Bucky knew what he needed to do. He needed to draw their attention away from you. He took a deep breath and put his hand in his pocket, and pulled out a piece of paper. He knew this would take away the focus from you.

“Y/N got me something too” he walked over to Natty and handed it to her. She looked down at the paper and looked back up at him. She looked at you, and tears filled her eyes.

“What is it?” Steve asked and Natty looked at you and then back at Bucky.

“It’s my birth certificate. It now lists James Bucchann Barnes as father”

A hush filled the room and you tried not to look up at the others. When Natty had been born you had left that field blank because truth be told you didn’t know. Bucky had little parental rights because he wasn’t listed as her father. This changed everything. With that piece of paper he became her guardian, her parent on equal footing with you. Natty walked over to you and wrapped her arms around you tight. She whispered “thank you mum” and then walked over to Bucky and hugged him tight. “You’re stuck with me now Natty” he said as he kissed her forehead. She shook her head and walked over to where she had been sitting and picked up a box that she had poorly wrapped. She walked back to Bucky and handed him the box. You already knew what was in the box. You had helped her with this gift. He accepted the gift and pulled the ribbon from the box. In the box was another envelope. The two of you had gifted Bucky with paperwork. He opened the envelope. The entire room was silent. Everyone was watching Bucky with baited breath. The only sound was bucky unfolding the paper and you watched as his eyes darted back and forth reading the words. Your breath hitched, you know what was about to happen. He looked at you, and then at Natty. He shook his head. Steve stood up, in his classic protective approach. You shook your head. He walked forward and grabbed hold of Natty and pulled her in to his arms. He held her tight and he rested his head on her shoulder and sobbed. The team looked around at each other and you cleared your throat.

“Natty changed her name, her name is Natalia Stephanie Barnes”

The gasp echoed around the room. The only sound was the collective sobs of Natty and Bucky. Steve reached up and wiped a tear from his eye.

“That is, if it’s ok with you dad?” Natty asked and Bucky pulled back from her and he nodded. He cupped her face. “I couldn’t be prouder of you. I knew you were my daughter from the moment I saw you. This” he said, holding up the piece of paper and continued “this means, you want everyone to know.”

“I’m proud to be a Barnes”

You felt the tears pour down your face and you looked around the room. The entire team had tears running down their faces as Bucky stared at Natty. He pulled her in closer and held her as the two of the sobbed. When Natty had come to you weeks ago and asked if she could change her name you had agreed in an instant. It was her choice, and you were happy to help her. She asked if she could give it to him as a christmas present, and you had agreed that, that would be a wonderful thing to do. You knew how much it would mean to the two of them. No need to fight their connection. Their connection was more powerful than you could ever imagine or dream. You excused yourself from the room to go to the kitchen for a glass of water. You hadn’t imagined it would be such an emotional scene, but then Natty had to go and say that she was proud to be a Barnes and you just needed a minute.

You walked in to the kitchen and you had an overwhelming urge to start cleaning up the mess from breakfast. You didn’t want to impose on their moment. You began to rinse the dishes in preparation to fill the industrial sized dishwasher when the sound of someone clearing their throat stopped you. You looked up to see Steve standing in the doorway leaning, with his arms folded watching you.

“I thought maybe I would get started” you informed him and he slowly walked over to you and handed you a plate. You didn’t know what to say to him.

“That was really nice of you Y/N” he said as you accepted the plate and rinsed it. He handed you another. Steve and you had a frosty at best relationship and this was perhaps the nicest thing he had said to you in a long time.

“Natty came to me about changing her name. I just signed the forms” you downplayed the gift. He held the plate in his hand as you tried to take it. He wouldn’t let go. You looked up at him and he smiled, you awkwardly smiled back at him.

“No. the birth certificate” he answered and you tried to shrug it off. This was all too much, Steve being nice to you.

“Look, I know you and he have a past. A fractured one. I am very protective of him” and you interrupted “understandably” you smiled slyly at him. He let go of the plate and you rinsed it.

“Y/N. I want him to be happy, and I think he really could be happy with you” and you set the plate down in the sink. The weight of his words on your shoulders. Steve was almost, giving you his blessing.

“I don’t know what I walked in on this morning, but Y/N..” but you stopped him.

“Steve. I know you’re protective of him, and I completely understand. But I need you to know that I am head over heels in love with him. It’s always been him. There is a reason why I have remained single all these years. No one can compare to him. I have no plans, other than to love him”

He nodded, and looked at you before saying “well ok then” and then you heard “hey” and looked over to see Bucky standing there smiling at you, and Steve. “Hey” you replied with a smile that you knew lit up your face.

“You two playing nice?” he asked Steve as he walked over to you, and he wrapped his arms around your waist and you relaxed your back against his chest.

“Of course. He was asking my intentions” you teased Steve and Bucky looked over at him. “Which are Director Winter?” he teased back at you and you tried to wiggle from his grip. You set the plate down and spun around in his grip and kissed him. You pulled back and whispered in his ear “oh I will show you later”

“UGH MUM! DAD! ” you heard Natty’s voice cry out and he jumped back from you. Steve laughed. You and Bucky had been caught yet again in the act of affection by your daughter and you both looked at each other before laughing too.

“Mum, Dad, stoooooooop” she called out, but her voice was light and breezy. She grabbed a drink from the fridge before leaving the kitchen, Steve following her. Bucky moved a piece of your hair and tucked it behind your ear.

“I thought we were keeping this quiet” you told him as he kissed you.

“That was before” he said, ducking down and beginning to kiss your neck.

“Before what?” you ask as you stifle a moan. It was really hard to be this close to him and keep your distance now that you knew exactly how Bucky could make you feel. His lips on your neck delicately kissing and making your head spin.

“Before I had to sit in a room and go back to pretending not to know how you feel about me” he whispered and you couldn’t help but shake your head. He had a point. Sitting at the table and watching everyone interact, and feeling still on the outside and yet, his hand on your knee had brought you comfort. You had sat across from him. From the moment you had let go of his hand you have craved it. For so long you had been around him and had been so close to him and yet, the two of you had a barrier between you. The moment his lips had touched yours the barrier between the two of you melted. You were nervous about telling the others. One night. One night doesn’t make a relationship. The thought that kept nagging in the back of your mind. What if the two of you didn’t or couldn’t work.

“Bucky…” you try to warn him.

“Y/N. Why don’t we just tell everyone. Steve knows, Natty knows. I am even sure that Nat knows. She kept looking over at me.” he told you.

“Because Bucky. What if this…this is all so new” you mutter and he placed his hands on your hips. His eyes bore in to yours.

“This has been a long time coming Y/N. 16 years” and you nodded. Accepting his words. He was right. This wasn’t just one night with someone you had met. You had waited 16 years for him. You had raised Natty in the hopes that one day, the three of you could be a family. You had tried to bury your feelings for him but from the moment his name was released. You had buried all of your feelings for him because you were hurt that he had never come looking for you. You had hoped that what you had had all those years ago had meant something to him and

“But Bucky what if?” you replied gently, all of your concern weighed on those words. You wanted to share his excitement, but after the year you had both had, how could he be so enthusiastic. How could he forget all of the anguish and pain you had both caused each other. He shook his head at you and kissed you softly.

“What if? We could live our lives by what if. If I have learnt anything this year, it’s that I have missed so much of my life and I don’t want to miss out anymore. I know you’re nervous to tell everyone, but Y/N. no more secrets. No more hiding. All of our problems have been caused by secrecy. So what do you say?” he said holding his hand out. You knew it was now or never. He was right. All of the secrets, the lies, and hiding, that had been your problem. If you had told him how you felt, would the two of you wasted so much time? You took in a deep breath and informed him “I think, one more kiss might help persuade me” and you kissed him. Your hands were in his hair, his arms around your back. He leaned your body against the side and you were lost in him.

The cheer caused you to pull apart from your passionate embrace. The two of you had forgotten you were in the kitchen and you had an audience. Tony and Natasha stood there with a group of caterers. Tony was laughing and Natasha smirking at you.

“Called it” Natasha announced and Sam appeared at her side. You could feel the blush across your face and Bucky’s hand found yours.

“Can we all agree that we knew this was going to happen?” Tony announced and there was a collective murmur of agreement from the audience. You looked shocked at them all.

“Oh come on Y/N. We all know about the night calls” Sam told the room and Natasha tapped his chest “oh and the smile on Bucky’s face every time he wanted to go in to New York, for training?”

“Ohhh and what about how he always asking me what Mum likes to eat, and then learning how to cook it” Natty joined in. You looked at Bucky and he shrugged. “Guilty” he muttered.

“My favourite is how long it takes him to get ready to go in to New York to pick up Natty. I’ve never seen someone take so long to pick out black jeans and black tshirts” Steve joined in.

“Oh. remember that time he fell asleep watching a movie and he started saying Y/N?” Steve added.

You stood back from him and looked him up and down. You cocked your head to the side and winked at him.

“Don’t think you’ve not been obvious too Y/N” Natasha added.

“I remember being woken in the middle of the night with a phone call from Y/N telling me she was in love with you Barnes. We have all just been waiting for the two of you to realise” Natasha finished. Natty squealed with delight and Bucky wrapped his arms around you.

“While I am enjoying this, can we let the caterers do their thing?” Tony asked and everyone too their cue to head back to the living room. They all took their seats and Bucky patted the space next to him. You sat down awkwardly. It was unnerving that everyone was just cool with it. After everything you had been through, could it all just be this simple. He put his arm around you and you put your head on his shoulder. Natty pressed play on the film and the music started. Natty sat on the other side to Bucky and she kept looking over at you both. This was the best christmas present she could ever have asked for.

“You really were nervous about what to wear when you came over?” you whispered to him and he looked down at you. He kissed your forehead. “I just wanted to look my best for you”. You smirked. You knew how that felt. You had done the same. Every week.

“So what did you learn how to cook?” you asked and he wiggled his eyebrows. “You’ll find out on our first date”


	29. Chapter 29

You stared at the computer screen. You had read, and reread the last paragraph over and over again for the last ten minutes. You closed your eyes and you felt tension in your neck. It had been a long day going over field reports and you hadn’t noticed how dark it was outside. You needed to finish this final report and then your day would be over. Closing your eyes you rolled your head back, and rolled it from side to side hoping the tension would release. It didn’t. You held your head there willing yourself to just finish the report. The sooner you finished, the sooner you could leave this office. You sighed and pulled your head back to the screen and your eyes glazed over immediately. Your eyes drifted across your desk and you ignored the pile of papers to the right of your computer. To the left of the screen, a framed photo of you and Bucky from Christmas day. Natty had waited till you had both fallen asleep watching the film and snapped it. Your body curled against his, his head resting on yours. Your arms laid across his chest. His arms holding you tightly. It was your favourite photo of the two of you. You stared at the photo and allowed a smile to creep across your face. The contentment you felt with your life was almost overwhelming. Your life with Bucky was everything you could ever imagine. Your eyes flickered over to the family photo that looked back at you. You were far from a perfect family but you had all fallen in to the family dynamic with ease. Breakfast was your favourite time of the day, and you spent it as a family. Natty had perfected her skills at waffle making, and unless there was a mission, all briefings started after 9 so ensure that this didn’t affect family breakfast. Sometimes Natasha or Steve would join Saturday breakfast, mainly for Bucky’s cooking. He had used his house arrest, and probation to learn how to cook and boy, could Bucky cook. Your stomach rumbled as your mind drifted and you thought about dinner. You looked back at the screen and you sighed loudly. Your focus now only on food. F.R.I.D.A.Y alerted you to an incoming call from Bucky and you accepted. 

“Baby, dinner will be ready in 5” you heard his voice echo around your office and you switched off the screen in front of you and you answered “on my way”. Your excitement for dinner outweighed your tiredness. Bucky was making your favourite, lasagna. He even made the pasta sheets from scratch. The allure of a super soldier, who could sweep you off your feet and make pasta from scratch was astounding. You grabbed your phone and prepared to make your short commute home. You locked the office and trudged slowly down the corridor to the elevator. It arrived instantly, and you tapped in a code and hit the button for the residences. You rolled your head from side to side but still the tension remained. You ran your hands over your face as the tiredness you felt started to take hold. It had been a long couple of weeks, and it just never seemed to stop. The field reports, the intelligence, preparation for missions before the missions even started. Truth be told, you were unsure how Fury managed all of this before you, or how he even was able to be Director of SHIELD and the Avengers initiative. The door opened and you exhaled loudly as you made your way in to your home. You were excited for dinner, and to feel Bucky wrap his arms around you, in that order. You could hear the noise coming from the living room as you paused and kicked off your shoes at the doorway. You looked down and noticed an additional pair of shoes that you recognised. You didn’t mind when Natty had Peter over for dinner, a heads up would have helped. You had wanted to get changed in to your pajamas before dinner, but it was going to be jeans instead. You walked to your bedroom first and changed quickly and silently. The excitement to be home and not to have to think about work but instead just be with your family was too much. You reached out for a cardigan and wrapped it around your body. 

“Baby?” you heard Bucky’s voice calling out and as you stepped out of your bedroom you saw him standing in front of you, plates in hand. He beamed at you and winked. You couldn’t help but blush. He still made you blush. When he winked at you, all you wanted to do was let out a teenage giggle. God you loved him, so much. You had to constantly remind yourself that it wasn’t just the two of you, and you couldn’t have your way with him everywhere and anywhere. When he winked at you, your body reacted instantly. He knew your weakness, and he used it. There was nothing like coming home and seeing Bucky standing in front of you, with dinner ready. He walked in to the dining room and you heard him call out “Natty, Peter, dinner is ready”. You followed the smell of dinner down the hallway to find Bucky set out plates and you walked over to him. He wrapped his arms around your waist and kissed you deeply. He still caused butterflies in your stomach. He rested his forehead on yours and paused. If there wasn’t dinner on the table, and two teenagers on their way you would have ignored the world around you and melted in to him. 

“Dinner smells incredible” you tell him and he whispered in your ear “you smell incredible”. You galked at him and playfully tapped his arm. The two of you were as bad as teenagers. He gently gave your ass a pat and pulled a chair out for you. He took his and you sat next to him while you both waited for the actual teenagers to appear. Natty and Peter appeared at the door locked in a conversation that you barely understood. As quickly as Bucky and you could keep up with the pop culture references there were then new ones that didn’t make any sense. If either of you tried to keep up Natty would usually call you both old, and then laugh. Neither of you wanted to appear uncool to her, so you would make a mental note to google it later. Bucky embraced it, rolled with it and ignored that he didn’t know what she was talking about. He knew you would update him, and usually make him watch the media it was from. Natty and Peter sat down at the table and the four of you began to enjoy the meal that Bucky had prepared. You took a mouthful and it melted in your mouth. God he was a good cook. You looked over to him and your eyes lit up. He was your world. The conversation stalled and Bucky started with the question that he asked every evening. 

“How was school today?” Bucky asked. Normally Natty would tell you it was fine, and sometimes even tell you something about her class. But this evening you watched as the two teenagers looked at each other and neither of them said a word. They were giving each other shifty looks. Peter has a smirk on his face. Natty staring daggers at him. You cocked your head to the side and surveyed them, before reaching your hand out to Bucky’s and with a tap he knew you were going to take this one. Something had happened, far more exciting than normal. Peter would cave. You knew that as secretive as Natty could be, peter’s fear of her parents worked to your advantage. 

“Natty….. What happened?” you asked, your voice lifting at the end, in an almost singsong way. You wanted the gossip. She knew you weren’t going to let it go. She looked at Peter and shook her head. Peter had a smile across his face, and he was just smiling at you and Bucky. You turned your head to Peter and tried him. He was gonna cave. You knew exactly how to make him cave. 

“Peter, you know me, Y/N… it’s not Director Winter here… it’s Y/N. Why don’t you tell us what happened at school, and perhaps why Natty is now staring daggers at you. It can’t be that bad, can it?” you say sweetly. Natty is now shaking her head at Peter, and he is aware that Bucky and you are staring at him, smiling. 

“I...I…” he started and then he exclaimed in pain. Bucky looked at you and back again at Peter. “Natty! We don’t kick our friends Peter” you called out. He bent down and held his shin. “I am pretty sure you’ve kicked Dad” she snarked back at you and your eyebrows raised. You racked your brain, and you were sure you had never kicked him. Bucky looked at you and softly shook his head, just to confirm that you had never kicked him. 

“Natty.” Bucky warned her in his parental teasing way and she huffed “fine”. She put down her fork and placed her hands out in front of her. She stared at her hands and confidently told you that “Stacey found out about Daisy, and it was a whole thing” she said not looking up at you both. Bucky looked at you and both shared the same puzzled expression. You didn’t know who Stacey or Daisy were, or at least the drama they could have caused. 

“There was a whole thing in after school. Stacey made Natty pick… she picked Daisy” Peter added, not realising that neither of you understood the context. You and Bucky both nodded, even though you had no understanding of what had happened. “Mum, Dad, it’s not a big deal. Stacey was just a rebound” she said picking up her fork and continuing to eat. You looked away from Bucky and your eyes went wide. The word rebound reverberated in your ear. You could feel Bucky’s shoulders tense and you slipped your hand under the table and rested it on his knee. You needed him to be calm and not react to what she had said. You tried your hardest to keep a straight face and keep your eyebrows relaxed. He picked up his glass of water and took a long mouthful. You were sure that the tension in the room was so obvious it was visible. He placed the glass down and he placed his hand on yours. He was going to investigate and you knew there was nothing you could do to stop him. You had never talked about it. You had always just assumed. You had no idea what was going on in Bucky’s head. His knee began to shake and you squeezed it harder. 

“What happened with David?” he asked coyly. You waited with baited breath. You concentrated on the plate of food in front of you. It had never dawned on you that she would be dating and that neither of you would have had a clue. This was new information to both of you. 

“Ugh, Dad. that was like a year ago” she said not even looking up. How you both behaved in these next few moments could make or break the family dynamic you loved so much. He nodded, and squeezed your hand. Your turn. Bucky just kept nodding his head, you could see the information swirling around his head. 

“Oh. well. You know Daisy can come over if you’d like her to” you told her, and Peter laughed “she’s here all the time”. The moment the words left his mouth he cried out in pain again, clearly Natty had kicked him again. You were sure that Bucky’s shoulders were now by his ears but you didn’t dare look at him. 

“Nat! No kicking. No…. no people we don’t know over. Come on you know the rules.” you informed the room, before you watched Natty scoff and mutter something. Peter laughed. You kept your hand on his knee. You both heard exactly what she had said. You needed Bucky not to react to “it’s not like I can get pregnant”. Holding his knee tightly you changed the subject “So, Peter. How is college, you home for the summer?” 

You nodded as Peter answered the question but you weren’t really paying attention. You wanted to tell Bucky how proud of you were of him. He handled the situation far better than you could have imagined. Peter finished speaking and you heard the clatter of cutlery hitting the plates and you looked up. 

“Dinner was great, thanks Dad!” Natty said standing up and pulling Peter away with her. You called out “Natty it’s a school night!” 

The two of you sat in silence. Neither of you wanted to be the first to speak. 

“Did she… did she..” he stuttered out and you looked at him. The pink of blush creeped across his face. You nodded. “Yea. she did.” he turned to you and he opened and closed his mouth a couple of times before just shaking his head. “You handled it really well” you muttered. “Did you know?” he asked, you could hear the concern in his voice. The truth was, you had no idea she was dating. How could you not have a clue she was dating. 

“Babe, I had no idea. I didn’t even know she was dating.” 

“Daisy… daisy..” he said over and over again while nodding and you exhaled. “Wine?” he asked and your eyes lit up at the suggestion. You and Bucky had special wine, a gift from Thor. you both needed alcohol that actually had an affect on you. You stood up and began to clear the plates and walked to the kitchen. He followed you and pulled out two glasses, and found the hidden bottle of wine. He poured you both generous measures and you cheered the glasses. 

“To successfully not freaking out when our daughter came out...at the dinner table...” you said, and he laughed. He clinked his glass with yours and he laughed “smashed it”. You both took a generous mouthful and he took your glass, and set them down on the side. He sighed loudly. He stepped forward and wrapped his arms around you. You looked up at him and you were excited for him to kiss you. You knew his moves. You knew them well. His eyes flickered to your lips. You bit you lip and you softly moaned in anticipation. Your heartbeat began to quicken. He made your head swim and he knew exactly what he was doing. He bent down and his lips ghosted over yours before a scream rang out in the kitchen. 

You groaned loudly “nooooo” and he whispered “i’ll go”. You watched him leave the room and you picked the wine glass back up and took another mouthful. So close, and yet, so far from him. You were going to have to speak to Natty about how she had managed to sneak about and date multiple people without your knowledge. How had she managed to get past F.R.I.D.A.Y?. How did you, the director of the Avengers Initiative not know she was dating. You were lost in your thoughts but then Bucky’s voice rang out in the kitchen.

“What’s wrong bubba” and the screaming stopped, replaced with giggling. You smiled. A warmth washed over you and you bit your lip. You sighed comfortably, and the contentment you felt filled your body and soul. You took another mouthful of wine and looked up to see Bucky walk back in with the noise maker in his arms. She giggled seeing you. 

“Wanna cuddle with mumma?” Bucky asked and you set down your glass and put your arms out. You took your baby in your arms and you asked “what’s got Becca so grumpy”. You bounced her for a moment and she placed her head on your chest. “How has she been today?” you asked him and beamed. “We went to the park today, didn’t we bubba” he said looking over at you both. You gasped at her, “the park! Did Daddy take you to see the ducks?”. You bounced her around the room making exaggerated faces at her and the giggle that rang out in the room spurred you on. “Did you see the ducks. Ahhh” 

Bucky stood in the door way, leaning against the door frame. He watched as you walked around the kitchen and tried to get her back to sleep. The last 18 months had flown by and he couldn’t believe how much his life had changed. He had moved in to your apartment shortly after christmas. It just made sense as the two of you just wanted to spend all your waking moments together. He hadn’t expected an addition to the family, but to say he wasn’t anything but overjoyed it would be a lie. The announcement to the team had gone as expected. Natasha screamed, Steve cried and Tony threw a party, any excuse for a party. As a present Tony had remodelled an entire floor which had become your family home. Natty loved it, Tony let her design her room and it helped with the news of a sibling. You had only been living there a few weeks before Rebecca Nicole Barnes joined your family. Natty had been incredible, and he was worried that she would resent having a sibling, and one that was going to grow up with him in her life but no, Natty adored her. Bucky made sure that he made time for Natty, and she appreciated it. She was still very much a daddy’s girl. 

“What are you looking at Barnes?” you eyed him as Rebecca had settled. “Just you” he said and you wanted to swoon. Your eyes raked over his stature. The way his strong arms folded against his body and the fit of his t-shirt. 18 years had passed you by from the moment you had seen him in that training room, but damn, he still had it. You knew he was watching you, and Becca but if he had any idea the thoughts in your head at the moment you knew he would be blushing. “She just wanted her Mumma. That’s all” he said. 

  
  


“I’m gonna put her down. Can you go and remind Natty that it’s a school night… and that Peter needs to go home. She won’t have done homework. She’s got to have an early night, tomorrow is a big day.” you told him as you tried to exit the kitchen. He leaned over and kissed your forehead. “Wanna cuddle up with me on the couch after?” you asked and he wiggled his eyebrows. Maybe he did know what was going through your head. “You wait till I get you on that couch”

“It’s that kind of talk that resulted in this one here” you nodded your head to the sleeping 9 month old baby lying across your chest. 

“Can you blame me?” he wiggled his eyebrows at you and you smirked. “Bucky Barnes, you wait till I get my hands on you” and you walked out of the room. He through his head back and groaned. Bucky watched you walking towards Becca’s room and he couldn’t help but check you out. He really was the luckiest man in the world, or so he thought. He grabbed his glass of wine and downed the liquid in one, he needed the courage. He walked to Natty’s bedroom and he knocked on the door frame. Peter looked up, and Bucky didn’t need to say a word. 

“I’ll see you tomorrow?” Peter asked before grabbing his backpack. It didn’t matter that they had worked together for two years, Peter was still terrified of Bucky. Mainly because of the massive dad energy that radiated from him when he was around Natty. Of the two of you, Peter was more scared of you, than Bucky but you had finally all found a rhythm that worked. Peter knew when to go home, and Natty pushed boundaries. Natty nodded an agreement, and Peter bid Bucky farewell before dashing out of the room. 

“Hey kiddo, you got a minute” Bucky asked, and he closed the bedroom door. Natty was sitting on her bed and she put her phone down and looked at him. He had a nervous energy and she knew what was coming. 

“Sure thing. What’s up?” she eyed him suspiciously. 

“I want to talk to you about Daisy” he said, walking over and perching on the edge of her bed. He watched as she folded her arms across her body. She had been avoiding telling you both for so long. She didn’t know how to tell you. She didn’t mean it to be so nonchalant but she knew that the two of you wouldn’t make a scene in front of Peter. She had hoped that the two of you would be fine with it, and she had no reason to think you wouldn’t be but, still there was a chance that you both could react badly. She could feel the cold sweat forming at the back of her neck. She knew it was coming the moment he shut the bedroom door. Here came the scene. She braced herself. 

“What about Daisy?” she muttered, not looking up at him. She couldn’t bear to see the disappointment in his face. The problem with having a father born in the 40’s is that all those mentalities come with it. She had a scowl painted across her face. 

He opened his mouth, and closed it again. He didn’t know how to say what he wanted to say. He knew you would kill him for trying to talk to her about it but he wanted her to know he was cool about it. 

“Umm. I want you to know. It’s… you know” he mumbled out. He tried again. “Is this a… wine not the label situation? Because you know we support you.” he asked awkwardly. Her eyes flew open wide and she released her arms and surged forward and wrapped her arms around his neck. She loved that he was trying to talk to her about it. 

“I like the wine not the label dad” she told him, hugging him. He looked at her and laughed. He was filled with pride and love for her. It didn’t matter what she did in her life as long as she was safe and happy. He needed her to know that. He needed her to know that she had full support. She laughed “you’re as bad as uncle steve you know that? He keeps trying to drop in random references in the hopes I will understand them” 

“I love you kiddo” he told her as he stood up. “I love you too dad” she replied, picking up her phone. He went to leave the room and he turned “homework first, bedtime in an hour, you have a big day tomorrow” she nodded and stood up before standing up and walking to her desk. She huffed as she pulled her books out of her bag and started on the homework she had been ignoring. 

  
  


You were already on the couch waiting for him. He threw himself on the couch next to you and you placed your head on his chest. His hand found your neck and he started to rub gently. The pressure and tension melting away from you. He knew how bad your posture was, and how to help. “Peter gone?” you asked as you moaned at his touch. He knew exactly how to work the knots out of your neck. “Mmmhmm” he answered. 

“How was work today?” he asked and you replied with a pained noise. “That good huh?” he replied with a light chuckle. 

“We’re all set for tomorrow. Tony called to go over it again” you told him and he stopped rubbing your neck. You let out a disappointed groan and you looked up at him. He was deep in thought. “Are we doing the right thing?” he asked you and you sat up. “You’d better be joking Barnes” you wiggled your finger at him, your tone playful. He reached out and started to rub your shoulders and he nodded at you. “You’re right, it is all going to be fine”. You laughed and told him “I didn’t say that” and you rested your head back on his chest. “You excited to get back to it?” you asked him and he made a noncommittal noise. “I guess. I haven’t missed it that much, but it’s only part time” he answered. His hands worked lower and he started rubbing your back. You looked up at him and he licked his lips. His hand worked lower and slipped into the waistband of your jeans. Your heart raced. 

“Don’t start something you aren’t going to finish Barnes” you said, a warning tone creeping across your words. He slipped his other arm under your legs and lifted you in an instant. 

“Oh I intend to finish it” he growled and carried you off to bed. 

  
  
  


\----------

The smell of freshly brewed coffee alerted your senses and your eyes flew wide open. You looked around the room and watched Bucky walking towards you with a cup. You sat up and hungrily reached for the coffee “gimme” you said as he handed you the cup. You inhaled the vapours and sighed. That first cup of coffee in the morning was your favourite. Bucky sat on the edge of the bed and watched as you took a generous mouthful, and then waited to hear the little moan you let out every morning as you drank the cup of coffee he brought you. He smirked as you let out the moan. That man knew how to make a cup of coffee. 

“Becca up early?” you asked and he nodded. “Natty playing with her?” you asked, setting down the cup and he nodded again. “Wanna shower?” you asked, wiggling your eyebrows. “Seriously?” he asked cautiously and you bit your lip. You stared at his smirking lips and he pulled the cover back from your body and threw you over his shoulder before heading to your own bathroom. 

  
  


“I’m on breakfast duty” you told him as you wrapped your hair in a towel calling over to Bucky who was staring at his suit. You could tell he was nervous. If you could do anything to help, it would be to start breakfast. You headed to the kitchen passing the living room. You watched Natty and Becca sitting in front of the television with some loud and colourful tv show in front of them. You beamed at the sight. Natty playing with Becca and the room filled with giggling. “Natty, waffles for breakfast?” you asked and she called out “ooohh Mum yes please”. You headed into the kitchen to begin to make a feast. Today was a big day. 

\-------

“Natty! Come on. We need to go” you called out as Bucky walked towards you with Becca in his arms. He was wearing a suit. You looked him up and down. Becca clung to his neck and he held her with one arm under her. She was dressed in a ridiculously cute dress that matched Bucky’s tie. You smirked at him and he winked. How dare he be so sexy. There was something incredibly attractive about him in a suit, holding your baby girl. “You are insatiable” he muttered as he watched the way your eyes were devouring him. You hummed in agreement. You couldn’t get enough of that man. His eyes skated over your appearance, and he nodded. He was just as insatiable when it came to you. You were wearing a smart black dress. Your feet starting to pinch already in your heels. Given the option you would wear flat comfortable boots, but Tony and Fury had helpfully informed you that you needed to be dressed in your best, just in case. 

“Mummmmmmm” she called out from her room. You could hear the nervousness in her voice. You held your arms out and wiggled your hands. Bucky stared at you. “You go. She needs you” you told him as you took Becca from his arms. He looked at his watch, and said “we’re going to be late”. He had a nervous energy himself. “Buck. She’s just nervous. Look. I will meet you downstairs” you leaned up and kissed him before turning and pressing the button for the elevator. The doors opened and you whispered “good luck” before allowing the door to close and watched him walk away. 

You entered the conference room and saw Tony standing there on his phone, he barely looked up as you entered. He looked up at you and then back to his phone, noticing it was you he looked up again. His eyes lit up at the sight of you and he walked over to you. “We’re running late. Sorry” but then proceeded to pull faces at Becca who delighted in the attention. She turned and reached out for him. Tony was wearing an extremely expensive suit and you were sure that the moment Becca rested against him she would spit up on him. You knew you were risking it by wearing your expensive suit but there was something more acceptable for you to have baby spit on your suit. Becca cooed as Tony got closer to you and you handed her over. “hi…. Hiiii….ohhh you’re so cute. Don’t tell your mumma but you’re my favourite Barnes” he called out as you watched him begin to throw her in the air and catching her. He threw her higher and caught her as she squealed. Even though it was clear to everyone that Natty was the favourite, Becca garnered a lot of attention. 

“Where’s Natty? Wheeeeeere’s Natty!” Tony asked Becca, and you. You shook your head. You had no idea what was taking so long. You had all been working towards this day. You looked at your watch, and your heart began to race. Maybe she had backed out. Maybe Bucky had not been able to bring her with him. You pulled your phone out and saw no messages. You began to pace the room, the only noise was from Becca giggling as Tony swung her around the room. The door flew open and Bucky stood there looking panicked, Natty following in behind him. You breathed a sigh of relief seeing them both standing there. Bucky slightly out of breath. Natty hid behind Bucky. 

“You ok darling?” you asked her, moving to the side and looking around Bucky. You mouthed to him “she ok?” and he nodded. She stepped out from behind him and she was dressed in a suit that almost matched Bucky’s. She looked so grown up. The small girl you remembered standing on that stage, a step behind all the other dancers was now grown up. She was a young woman who was about to change her entire life. She had her hair pulled back in to a neat ponytail and she held a little blush across her cheeks. It was clear from her red eyes she had been crying. You walked forward and pulled her in to a hug. “You don’t have to do this darling, we will support you with whatever you want” she buried her face in to your chest and she pulled back before looking up to you and she smiled. The smile lit up her face. 

“No Mum. I’m ready” she said and Tony appeared at your side. “Ready?” he winked at her and she nodded. Tony handed Becca to you and he said “let’s go”. Bucky, Tony and Natty left the room and you turned to the tv screen. Tony stood at the podium and you could hear the clicking of the cameras, as well as the flashes. You paused with baited breath. The last 18 months had been leading up to this day. You had tried to fight it, but ultimately you couldn’t. It was what she wanted, and you wanted to support her. Bucky had won you over, as well as Fury, Steve and Tony. 

“Hello, thank you for joining us today. I have called this press conference to introduce you to the newest member of the Avengers. Because you will all have questions I will try and answer them before she joins me up here. She is the daughter of the White Wolf, and will be starting out on missions when the Director feels it is appropriate. She will continue her schooling, and then will attend college wherever she chooses. She will be working for the Avengers, part time like her father who has taken a leave of absence since the birth of his second child. She will be taking part in press interviews organised separately, where you will be able to pose questions to her” he turned to Bucky and asked “anything else?” and he shook his head. “Right. She will not be taking any questions at this time. Without further ado, I would like to introduce the Little Wolf to the world, Natalia?” he said, and Bucky walked up on stage with Natty. The two of them stood there. Bucky had his hand on her shoulder, and she looked up at him. She beamed. She had spent 2 years preparing for it, 6 months sneaking about and 18 months persuading her parents to agree to this. Bucky and Natty had spent days working out what her name would be. She wanted something cool, like Black Widow but as Natasha had reminded her what a black widow spider was, and that perhaps Natty should go for something less, murder themed. Natty had asked if she could be the little wolf, she wanted it known that she was the white wolf’s daughter and Bucky had almost cried on the spot. 

You watched as the two of them stood on the stage, the flash of the camera and their unbreakable bond was clear. While Natty adored you, there was a love between Natty and Bucky that was ineffable. You beamed with pride as the two of them stood up there together. The last two years had completely changed your life for the better. The pain and suffering you had gone through to get to this point didn’t matter. 

“Director Barnes” you heard Fury’s voice before you noticed him. He was able to sneak up on you, even with your heightened hearing. He stood beside you watching the screen. “It’s still Winter” you said, not looking away from the screen. The only sound the babbling from the baby in your arms. You bounced her gently. You avoided looking at him but you could sense he was looking down at you. You could hear Becca reacting to him. Fury was definitely pulling faces at her. Becca was a distraction to everyone. You exhaled and looked up at him. 

“When we have time to get to city hall, we’ll make it proper” you replied. Fury didn’t need to say anything. You knew what he was thinking. Fury looked ahead and nodded thoughtfully. The truth was that Bucky had proposed a year ago but the two of you just never seemed to find the time to actually go down to City Hall. The two of you were practically married. You had two children, a beautiful home and jobs that you both loved. Bucky had chosen to work part time, you had laughed when he had suggested it. How does an Avenger go part time? Bucky was on missions only, no paperwork, no investigation. He spent as much time as he could with Natty and Becca. 

“I would have thought you had had time Y/N” Fury told you and you heard the tone in his voice. 

“Don't you start. Steve is on our case. A lot. We’ll get round to it, maybe when there is world isn’t on fire.” 

“She looks good up there. I am glad you changed your mind” he said, and you knew he was right. She did look good up there. Tony was now posing with them and Natty’s smile lit up the room. 

“I was never going to be able to stop her, was I?” you turned to him and asked him. He chuckled “no” you turned to Becca and said “but this little one… this one is going nowhere near the field… are you Becca boo. Noooooo...no you’re not” you touched your nose to her’s. The door opened and Natty came running in “URI! Did you see, did you see! It’s official now!! I am on the team” she hugged him.

“Well done Little Wolf” 

Bucky walked over to you and kissed your cheek. He took Becca from your arms and you wrapped your arm around Natty’s shoulders. “Ice cream?” you suggested and Natty squealed with excitement. 

“Can we get changed first? Bucky asked and you winked at him, “ohh absolutely”

  
  



End file.
